Season 2 of Foodies and Spice is back, proudly refreshed by Malta Guinness, and Gina Ehikodi-Ojo came through with a recipe that’s stealing hearts—Malta Guinness Banana Bread. If you’ve been sleeping on this, here’s why it needs to be on your 2025 road-to-fit-fam menu. No dulling!
1. It’s Bread, It’s Cake—Two in One!
Is it bread? Is it cake? Who cares—it’s both! Whether you’re having it with tea in the morning or as dessert after dinner, Malta Banana Bread has got you covered. Talk about killing two birds with one stone, abi?
2. FitFam-Friendly
Trying to keep it light this new year? Malta Guinness Banana Bread has the vibes. With bananas and Malta Guinness in the mix, it’s a healthier option that still tastes good. You can flex without feeling guilty—win-win!
3. It’s So Easy, Even a Kitchen Rookie Can Nail It
This is the recipe that even your friend who burns water can handle. Gina showed how easy it is to prepare—mash, mix, bake, and voila! With Malta Guinness in the batter, you’re automatically upgrading your kitchen street cred.
4. It Brings out your Inner Santa
There’s something about this bread that makes you want to do a giveaway. Before you know it, you’re cutting slices for everyone—family, neighbours. “Take small, taste am,” and just like that, you’re the star of the day.
5. It’s a Certified Flex To Pepper Your Village People
Imagine serving Malta Guinness Banana Bread to your new friends at the gym. People will be forming food critics and asking for the recipe. And you? You’ll just be smiling like, “It’s nothing, really.” Let them talk; we all know you’ve just levelled up.
Ready to wow your people? Tune in to Foodies and Spice for more bold recipes, lively conversations, and festive vibes. Follow @FoodiesAndSpice and @MaltaGuinnessNG for updates, recaps, and behind-the-scenes fun. #FoodiesAndSpice #MaltaGuinness #EnjoyAWorldOfGood.
In 2023, glamorous AI-generated images of stylish Nigerian seniors on the runway went viral. They were the handiwork of Malik Afegbua, a long-time video producer who had worked on TV commercials for brands like American Express, Bet9ja, and Access Bank.
But his curiosity led him down the path of AI. Long before it became a buzzword among Silicon Valley enthusiasts, Afegbua had been tinkering with AI. So when the boom came, he attacked.
In the first Made in Nigeria for 2025, he opened up about how he started as a creative, the biases Africa faces in the AI world, and how Nigeria can cash in big on large language models.
This interview has been edited for clarity and length.
How did you get started in the creative space?
My first company was a clothing line when I was in the UK for school. It was my first-ever attempt at commercial creativity. I was not a traditional fashion designer. I didn’t go to any creative school. I was curious about how to make urban fashion. Back then, it was mostly hoodies and shirts. I bought rhinestone cutters, heat presses, and materials to make my customised T-shirts.
Where did this interest in fashion come from?
I have always been gifted with design. I just have the eyes, so I started designing my T-shirts. My friends will see them and ask, “Where did you get that? Is it from Marks & Spencer, or is it from River Island?” I’ll be like, “I made that,” and they didn’t believe me. Then I told them to challenge me with an idea, and I’ll make the T-shirt for them. That was how I started selling. I got lost on contracts. I was making hoodies for schools, bars, etc.
How did the business do when you moved back to Nigeria?
When I returned to Nigeria for NYSC, I returned with all the equipment I used to make my designs. Then I got a contract to do T-shirts for a political party, and that was when I decided it wasn’t for me. I didn’t take the contract, which was for 40,000 shirts or so.
I realised then that the market was different, and I didn’t want to continue with the fashion line. It was much harder to do in Nigeria, whereas in the UK, it was fun. So, I gave all my equipment to someone who needed it.
I was a producer at Nigezie during my NYSC. That was when I fell in love with media and the effect of storytelling. I realised just how impactful content can be and how it can change perspective. I just saw the power. Then, I set up my first media company, Slick TV. I did a lot of interviews with people who are celebrities now but were not back then. They were still upcoming. I did a lot of TV shows. I got two contracts: one to be on TVC as a filler and Silverbird as an actual show. It was a late-night show. This was before Ndani TV.
I made the shows with Steven Ator (who is Asake’s manager now). He was a producer at Nigezie.
I had an editor with whom I used to work. I used to beg him to edit videos, and he would work on two-minute videos for days. So I told myself that this cannot be hard. I will edit and ask him questions, and he will laugh at me. But I was constantly watching videos on editing, and I got better. It got to the point that I was training people at film school how to edit. I realised that anybody can do anything if you’re passionate about it.
Slick TV was one of our first YouTube channels, but I wasn’t making money or getting ads. I didn’t understand the business back then, and many people who knew what they were doing had been in the industry long before me. I was just passionate about it and spending my money.
So you dumped it?
Yes. I moved away from that and started to create wedding videos. I was one of the first people to start doing cinematic wedding videos. Many people here before me were doing great work, but I always liked to look at the prospect of things. I started asking myself, “Is this scalable? Can I attach something to this?” I didn’t see wedding videos as something that would do well in the future, so I also stopped.
How did you get back to being a producer again?
Tajuddeen Adepetu, the owner of Souncity, got in touch with me and asked if I could do those shows like I did for Slick TV for Spice TV (which he also owned). I had never met him before. I didn’t even know who he was. But we had a meeting, and he gave me my first contract to do TV shows for them.
I already had my production company then. I produced three shows for them from scratch. There were Wedding Planners, Bargain Hunters, and Glam Mamas. They just gave me the brief, and I produced and gave them the finished shows. I did three seasons with them.
What was making those shows like?
For the first season, I hired people who had been in the industry for 10 to 15 years so I could learn proper production. They did the technicalities. I didn’t know how to edit then. I just knew what I wanted. So, I returned to the drawing board to learn how to use cameras and lighting and trained myself. Then I stopped with Tajuddeen.
Why did you end the contract with Soundcity?
I felt I needed to go professional, and I asked myself why, when advertising agencies wanted to do adverts, they went to South Africa to bring people here to direct and get a white crew. A lot of that happened then, and I realised it was quality control. I decided to cross my Ts and dot my Is. That was when I started to get TV commercial jobs. I did a lot of major TV commercials, from Bet9ja to American Express to Access Bank. But nobody knew who I was. I was just doing my thing, making my money.
When did your interest in the virtual world start?
Seven/eight years ago, I was messing around with virtual reality. The cameras were very low quality. There were only Google Cardboards. No Oculus. That was how I trained myself to be a VR producer. I went to big companies to speak about VR content; they were like Nigeria was not ready for it. It was a downer, but I continued. Eventually, Meta saw me, and I did two collaborations with them via Africa No Filter and Electric South. I got a grant to do an immersive project.
I started researching and discovered about artificial intelligence, which was then called Gantt. I began to explore it. I spend a lot of money on technology. Before buying a car, I buy a camera or gear with which I experiment. My wife is never happy about that. I got a high-spec computer on which I worked with Gantt. When generative AI came out, it was much easier for me to do things with it.
Then COVID happened, and interaction with the virtual space boomed. I started asking myself what I wanted to do with it. At this point, I was already training my own data set and creating innovative things.
Why did you want to use AI to create stylish seniors on the runway?
There is a personal reason and a storytelling side. The personal reason is my mother, who died two years ago. She was on life support for a long time. I was just trying to create people of her age who didn’t look impoverished. When we think of elderly people, we think of them as retired, no longer part of society, and not fashionable.
I wanted to change that perception. She liked fashion, and I wanted to put her on the runway. But I had no reference, which was why I created mine. It led to lots of conversation, and it changed my life. I am not popular in Nigeria, but when I leave the country, people really regard me just based on that work. They’ve seen it.
What are you currently working on?
I’m a futurist and like to work on things that don’t currently exist or can shape narratives. Unfortunately, they don’t pay you right now.
But currently, because of the bias that Africa is facing in the AI space, I’ve set up a program to challenge that, that will analyse, collect, preserve, tag and properly use African data to train large language models that represent Africa properly. All the data that has been used to train AI were found online, and they were not filtered. And the representation of Africa is already biased. I am not trying to get my data online but physically here to properly tag and train the AI.
I’ve set up a database that you can go to and crowd-fund data or put in your data and tag it properly. The incentive for people to do this is that they get credit, which they can use for a generative AI I’m working on. This is all self-funded. I am also working on an art installation that bridges traditional art with futuristic technology.
How is the AI space biased against Africa?
If you prompt “A boy in Lagos,” you will likely get an image of a poor baby in dirty Lagos. Even if you prompt, “Handsome boy in beautiful Lagos,” you still get a biased image. If you put “Nollywood,” you get a village. I have to train the AI myself to see us better.
You are also working on a film. How is that coming along?
I’ve had big producers from production companies ask me to develop the script further because they would like to produce it themselves. For a feature film, that will be at the end of the year because lots of things are happening concurrently.
What is the future of AI in Nigeria?
It’s a bit scary and exciting because of the adoption of it. We are in a world where every country can be equal if they do the right thing. There is a reason China is spending so much on AI. Because they know it’s not going anywhere. If you have the upper hand, you control the world. But in Africa, I am not seeing that. I see there is funding for AI, but I don’t see where it’s going. We have to be makers to have control. And this is the only time we have to do that. If there is a lot more adoption, it will be great for Nigeria.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
I plan to own a very big studio—something with a moving stage where you can shoot a film like The Mandalorian. I see myself as a custodian of AI, conducting a lot of training for people and doing amazing things. But who knows? Five years is a long time.
Will your year be filled with legendary sexcapades or ghost town vibes? Whether you’re fully for the streets, catching a vibe, or staying alone, your 2025 energy says a lot about how busy you’ll be. Answer these 10 hilarious questions, and we’ll guess if your body count will be zero, hero, or something out of a Nollywood blockbuster.
We met in secondary school and became really close friends in SS1. We bonded over books, walked home together, and shared many typical secondary school experiences. Even though we went to different universities, we stayed friends and kept in touch.
Was there ever a strain on your relationship with her?
We had the usual fights friends often have. However, there was a recurring pattern where she would use tears to manipulate me and make me feel guilty, as she was the more emotional one in our friendship. I usually accommodated her emotions, so we didn’t have any real strain on our friendship at the time.
So what happened this time?
For context, I attended a public university, while she went to a private one. Sometimes, when my sessions were still on due to delays caused by strikes, she would be on holiday and at home in our city. When I was in 300 level, she visited me at my school during one of her breaks. I really wanted her to meet my crush, Danladi, a guy I met in my faculty.
Danladi was tall, charming and handsome. We met accidentally at the student hub, and he walked me back to my hostel. The conversations were fun, that we exchanged numbers. For three or four months, we walked back to our hostels together every day. We grew very close and became vulnerable with each other. I even visited his house, and we made out a few times. We hadn’t officially started dating. We were serious about each other and considering a relationship. I introduced him to a few close friends, including Rumi, and that’s when the wahala started.
Tell me about it.
As soon as Rumi met Danladi, they hit it off. I like it when my friends like my man and vice versa, so I didn’t mind at all. After she left, I noticed a switch in Danladi. He became distant, distracted and impatient, but I chalked it up to a long day. For weeks after that, it became difficult to get a hold of him. He was either busy or unavailable. Meanwhile, Rumi told me how often they talked and shared that they had exchanged numbers behind my back. They were getting really close. At first, I didn’t think much of it because Rumi was dating someone at the time. But it became obvious that Danladi was interested in her. Instead of rebuffing him, she seemed to love the attention and kept indulging him. I later found out she had visited his house. I was so upset.
I’m so sorry about that. Did you ever confront them about it?
Yes o, but I didn’t expect the response I got. Rumi said she couldn’t let go of her friendship with Danladi just because I was insecure. She didn’t care how their sneakiness affected me; she just liked being around him. Danladi, on the other hand, was very straight up. He admitted he preferred her to me and planned to pursue her instead. I took a big step back and moved on with my life. I just couldn’t accept that kind of treatment from someone I called my friend or someone I wanted to start a relationship with.
Wow, that’s wild, did they ever reach out to you after you drew back?
Oh, yeah! A few months later, I got so ill that I was admitted to the hospital for two or three months. While I was in the hospital, Danladi visited me ,and he tried to rekindle what we had. It seemed things didn’t work out with Rumi. I was ill, but I felt a fresh wave of disgust. He thought he could come back to me after trying to get with my friend—yucky behaviour.
When I got out of the hospital, I shared my experience with a friend. I got to know that it’s kind of his MO, and there were so many girls who had the same experience with him. He’d get close to a girl, pick up feelings for someone else and repeat the cycle. I was upset but grateful to God that He got me out of that ridiculous situation.
What about Rumi?
I cut her off completely after what happened. Two years later, we reconnected. She called to apologise for the whole situation with Danladi. While I didn’t find her explanation satisfactory, I was willing to put everything behind us. Our friendship was never the same. We argued more often, and the closeness we once shared became strained. Still, we’ve managed to remain friends.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
When did you first realise the importance of money?
It was when I was 15 years old and just earned my first salary at the provisions store where I worked as a salesgirl. My pay was only ₦10k, but I was extremely happy to have my own money. I could finally get what I wanted without hearing my parents say, “We don’t have money” or “I can’t give you.”
Earning my own money gave me freedom, and I loved it.
What was the financial situation at home like?
Not great. My siblings and I barely survived on my parents’ earnings as petty traders. There was food, and we went to school, but I knew we didn’t have much. My clothes were hand-me-downs from my aunt. My parents demanded convincing explanations before they gave me money.
As soon as I finished secondary school in 2015, I looked for work. With my sales girl salary, I took care of personal needs and occasionally dropped money at home for food and my siblings.
After a few months, I worked at another store for ₦15k. I honestly just moved from place to place, looking for money. I had several stints as a teacher, catering assistant, and even selling thrift clothes. The clothes were more lucrative than my other stints, but selling them was really stressful.
How so?
I had to drag heavy bags of clothes across hostels to sell. Plus, people are funny. One babe can try out like ten pieces of clothing only to say she wasn’t ready to buy.
So, I only survived a few months of the thrift business, too. Then, in 2017, some friends told me about a mini-importation opportunity from China. I’d bring in bags from China for cheap and sell them off at a profit in Nigeria. It sounded good, so I took a ₦400k loan at a 10%/month interest from a money lender to add to my savings and started the business.
Was the profit what you imagined?
Oh, the profit was good. I made up to ₦50k in a good week. But selling the bags took longer than I planned. I assumed I’d sell off all the bags in two weeks so I’d repay the loan and get another batch. Two months later, I hadn’t sold the stock.
To make matters worse, I sold by the roadside in a very busy market. I was there under the sun and in the rain, and it was very embarrassing at times. When people who knew me saw me, they’d go, “Ehya, sorry. The Lord is your strength.”
Even me, I know I looked wretched and tattered. I was making money, but it didn’t show on my face. I stuck with the business for over a year, then I stopped when it became too stressful. If I didn’t stand on the road all day, I wouldn’t make anything.
I wanted something that would bring money without all that stress.
I can imagine. What did you do next?
Out of nowhere, I had the idea to become a money lender. The person who loaned me ₦400k for my business didn’t have another job. She just sat at home while I struggled under the sun to repay her. It seemed like a good business idea to me.
Plus, I’d mostly saved what I made from my businesses. I barely spent on anything that wasn’t food, and I had minimal responsibilities. In 2019, I started with about ₦500k and my heart in my mouth. Human beings can be funny; what if they took my money and ran away? So, I started with small loans: ₦50k here, ₦20k there.
My first customers were market people who I told I offered loans. Others came to me through referrals from my friends. I’m still a money lender till today, and people know to come to me if they need urgent money.
What are the terms for the loans? How do you make a profit?
I charge a 15% – 20% monthly interest. There’s no specific time frame for people to repay the loans, but the interest increases for as long as it takes to clear the loan.
For instance, someone comes to borrow ₦100k. When I add interest, they’re paying back ₦120k. I prefer weekly repayments, so I divide the ₦120k into four installments and tell them they’re repaying ₦30k every week. If they miss any week and the payment plan exceeds a month, I add another 20% interest to the initial principal.
Do people complain about the compounding interest?
They do. In the beginning, I felt bad and considered reducing the interest. But my loans are much faster than banks and cooperatives, and people prefer that. Rather than wait days, I give them the money immediately.
Also, I made repayment options flexible. I accommodate daily, weekly and monthly payments. Daily repayments have a lower interest rate because I reasoned that I could collect the cash, add some to it and loan to someone else. So, it’s a win-win situation.
Plus, I sometimes give people grace when payment defaults, especially market women. That category prefers daily repayments because they sell every day. But there are no sales on some days, so I understand. If the daily repayment was supposed to finish in a month and they miss any of the days, I don’t recalculate interest as long as they clear the loan within the month.
I can also decide to give a month’s interest-free grace for them to balance up. It just depends on the person and their repayment history on previous loans.
The loan business is mostly trust-based. Sometimes, I ask for guarantors and collateral. Collateral depends on the loan value. People have dropped land documents as collateral. Some also drop gold and washing machines. It still doesn’t mean they won’t default sha.
But if I trust the person, I don’t even collect collateral or guarantor before giving them loans. That usually comes back to bite me, though.
I was just about to ask how you handle difficult debtors
They’re almost all difficult. When people need money, they can roll on the floor crying and give you one million stories. Once it’s time to pay back, they change. That’s when they remember their husband or child is ill, and they need to take them to the hospital.
So, it’s stressful. I have to call, shout, and threaten before people repay their debt. I have gold jewellery, washing machines and other properties in my house that people left as collateral. The agreement is, once they’ve defaulted payment for six months, I remind them about the collateral again, and if they still don’t pay, I’ll sell their belongings. I’ve once sold someone’s speaker system.
What is the most stressful experience you’ve had with debt recovery?
A few years ago, I loaned ₦800k to a butcher who also served as a pastor in a church. A friend brought him to me, so I didn’t ask for any collateral because I assumed he was religious and would honour our agreement.
The man moved out of his house two weeks after he got the money. No one knew where he went, and his phone number was switched off for months. When I was able to reach him with another number, he ended the call after hearing my voice. Sometimes, he’d just pick up the call and wait for me to talk. I’d just be swearing and shouting, and he’d be absolutely silent.
I involved the police, but they just collected my money. They asked me to pay ₦10k for mobilisation, and then I kept dropping money for one thing or the other. At one point, the police told me I didn’t have a case since I was illegally operating a loan service without certification.
After a few more months, I traced him to his church and attended a Sunday service. When it was time for testimonies, I went to the front and said I had a testimony to give. Immediately the pastor saw me, he started sweating.
I’m screaming
I told the church to help me thank God I finally caught one of my customers who ran with my money. Everyone shouted, “Praise the Lord,” not knowing it was their pastor. I left the testimony at that.
After service ended, the man begged me to calm down and told several stories, trying to explain the payment delay. I calculated the accumulated interest, and we settled on a timeline for him to pay my money. He paid every single dime because he knew I could embarrass him.
At least that story ended on a good note. There are several others that didn’t end so well. One took my money and ran to Germany. I can’t do much because I don’t have written agreements, and the business is “illegal”. The most I do is pay soldiers to harass my debtors. Even the soldiers try to be careful because it’s outside their primary job, and no one wants to get into trouble.
But still, I really like what I do. It pays me. Instead of spending money or keeping it, I can give it out and know it’s working for me. I see the loss as a normal part of any business, so I just overlook it. Also, I make more profit than losses.
What does this profit look like in a good month?
Up to ₦1.5m most months. I currently have over 60 active loans that bring me interest monthly. So, I earn well, but the stress is a lot too. I’m sure my neighbours wonder why I’m constantly screaming at my phone. I’m also considering investing some of my money in livestock farming. Then, I can maybe loan money to people I trust or have very good collateral.
How much do you imagine you need to start a farm?
With about ₦5m – ₦7m, I can get land, buy goats, pigs and cows and start small. I might start with about 100 livestock and see how it goes. I don’t know much about livestock but I’ll learn just like I learned with my loan business. If the livestock isn’t lucrative or doesn’t work out, at least I’ll still have the land to resell and cover any loss.
I’m also not sure I’ll start this year as I’m still in school, but I intend to finance the farm with my loan business. So, I don’t plan to stop loaning out money yet. I’ll just have two income sources.
You’re in school? I feel like that came out of the blue
See, funny story. I’ve been in uni for about 10 years due to several unfortunate situations. Like most Nigerian children, everyone told me I had to study medicine to become rich.
I wrote JAMB and got into uni in 2015, but I didn’t meet the cut-off score for medicine, so the school offered me optometry. You need to know physics and mathematics to do well in optometry, but those subjects weren’t my strong suit. I wasn’t happy with optometry, and I didn’t enjoy it, but I stayed because my mum had already told everyone her daughter was a doctor of optometry.
I managed to pass the first two years but repeated the third year. Around this time, I was hustling and selling thrift and bags since I was — still am — financially responsible for my education. Maybe that even affected my studies. The department kicked me out when I didn’t pass my courses on the second try.
Then, there was the delay with ASUU strikes and COVID. In 2021, I transferred to 200-level physiology, and I’m just trying my best to finish this one. I’m currently in my final year. If I knew better, I’d have just studied business administration or something. But I’m close to the finish line, so that’s good.
I’m rooting for you. Back to your current income, what quality of life does it afford you?
I live way below my means, but my quality of life is better than ever. One good thing about money is the confidence it brings. When I was struggling, I sometimes had to endure dates with guys I had no interest in because I wanted to eat fried rice, salad and chicken. I love fried rice but couldn’t afford it, so when the opportunity came, I accepted just for food and ice cream.
Now? I can eat all the fried rice I want. Even today, I bought fried rice and turkey. Something that used to be a treat is now my life every day. If someone asks to meet up, I can look at what they can offer beyond food. I don’t need to hang out with someone I don’t like or endure a misogynist because of peanut money.
Word
Having money has also expanded my dreams. There are things I never thought about when I was a salesgirl. I’m planning to buy a car soon. I also want to travel for vacations. I didn’t have these kinds of thoughts a few years ago because they were beyond me.
I just need to learn how to balance my desire to make money with actually spending money. I don’t know how to spend money at all. Rather than spend it on myself, I think, “It’ll be better to loan out this money to bring interest for me rather than finish it.”
Seeing how I live, no one would believe I earn this much. I live in a one-room apartment, and my rent is slightly below ₦100k. I can make that money in two days. The only thing I spend on is food. I’m just trying to learn how to spend money. I only recently got a bedframe and a bigger mattress — I was using a small student-sized mattress.
Also, I was a natural hair babe until recently because I didn’t want to spend money buying hair. But my hair always looked rough because I didn’t know how to maintain it. It goes to show how deeply rooted my reluctance to spend money is. But moderation is key, and I’m gradually adjusting. Maybe diversifying my income source into farming will help me relax.
What are your recurring monthly expenses like?
I typically don’t keep track of my expenses because I’m more likely to talk myself out of even making the expense. But the ones I remember usually go like this:
I call most of my debtors on WhatsApp, so I hardly spend money on airtime. I don’t have savings; all my money goes back into my business.
Is there anything you want right now but can’t afford?
I’d like to just travel to different places and meet new people. You know, be in France today and Switzerland tomorrow. I can’t afford that now, but I hope to do that one day.
How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1 – 10?
100! Sometimes, it still feels like a dream that I’m where I am today. I like the confidence that money gives me, and I’m so happy.
Love it for you. Out of curiosity, are there any financial obligations on you from your family?
No, and it’s deliberate. I like making money, and I believe if you’re asking me for money, you don’t want my growth. I have a friend who’s doing well financially, but she’s always broke because of family responsibilities. I can’t do that.
Imagine trying to come out of poverty and trying to drag your family along when you aren’t yet balanced. If one isn’t careful, the family will still drag that person back into poverty. When I first started earning money, I was dropping money left and right. But I gave myself sense and reduced it. Thankfully, my mum has a business and hardly asks for money. So, I don’t do more than myself.
If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.
It’s exciting that we collectively survived the first full work week in 2025; we have only 50+ weeks to go, eh? The good thing is, if you’re getting this dispatch, it means you’re one week closer to salary day. I found some comfort in that, and I hope you do, too.
What do we have this week? On #NairaLife, it’s a 25-year-old who has figured out some stability in living life on the edge — she found a hustle in giving people high-interest loans. It’s high-stakes by every measure, and if you ask her, she’s just trying to survive. But at what cost?
On #LoveCurrency, a 40-year-old teacher, talks about her unique marriage dynamic. She carries a lot of financial weight, but how does she and her husband make it work without friction?
Let’s get into it.
In this letter:
#NairaLife: The 25-Year-Old Looking for Financial Stability in a High-Risk Business
Love Currency:This Osogbo Teacher Doesn’t Need Her Husband to Be the Sole Provider
I Lost My Life Savings to an Online Boyfriend
QUIZ: Only Money Smart Nigerians Will Score 8/11 on This Fintech Logo Quiz
Where The Money At?!
#Nairalife: The 25-Year-Old Looking for Financial Stability in a High-Risk Business
In 2019, this 25-year-old landed on an unlicensed, high-risk business: informal money lending. It was her get-out-of-poverty-free card, and she’s stuck with it since. Half a decade later, her life has changed, and so have her problems.
We can’t say we’re about the money and not actually help you find the money.
So we’ve compiled a list of job opportunities for you. Make sure you share this with anyone who might need it because in this community, we look out for each other.
Talking stages are complicated, but there’s no reason for them to be in 2025.
Instead of putting yourself through the constant torture of “Do they like me, or am I just here for vibes?”, here are 10 questions to help you decide if it’s time to move TF on.
1. Do they match your energy?
Are you the only one calling, texting, and trying to plan dates, or are they just showing up when it’s convenient? You deserve effort too, abeg.
2. Have they talked about what they’re looking for?
Listen, this is 2025, and vibes alone don’t cut it. If it’s been weeks and they’ve said nothing about their intentions, end that talking stage. They’re most likely there to take up space in your life.
3. How do they treat service workers?
This is important. If they’re rude to waiters or security guards, that’s your red flag waving in 4K. Run because it really fit be you.
4. Have you met any of their friends or family?
If you’re still a secret after months of talking, are you sure you’re not just their imaginary friend?
5. How often do they “joke” about polygamy or open relationships?
A subtle reminder: If they keep joking about “having options,” you might already be one of those options.
6. Can you picture a future with them, or are you just vibing?
If you can’t even imagine introducing them to your friends without cringing, don’t waste your time.
7. Are they financially responsible?
It’s not about having millions. If they can’t budget for small things, imagine trying to plan a future with them. Run away, please.
8. How do they handle conflict?
Do they ghost you when there’s a disagreement, or are they willing to talk things out like an adult? If it’s the former, you already know what to do.
9. Are they consistent, or are you dealing with hot-and-cold vibes?
If they’re all over you one day and disappear the next, they’re either confused or playing games. Either way, it’s not worth your time.
10. Do you even like them that much?
Finally, step back and ask yourself: Do you genuinely enjoy their company, or are you just trying to avoid being single?
Asake previewed a new song during the weekend, but nothing matched the buzz of his new face tattoos. The internet went crazy over the Afrobeats singer’s surprise tattoos, though he isn’t the first Nigerian artist to ink their face or body with bold tattoos and flaunt them. Do you know these tatted-up artists by their ink?
Questions
This is a question
Who is this prayer warrior?
This person shares a name with an international footballer
His name rings with "Yahoo Boy No Laptop"
He's a DJ
The "Kele Kele" lover
He asked for his name to be written in bigger fonts
You got #{score}/#{total}
You tried your best o. But it looks like you drew these tattoos. Abi how come you know them?
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
I’ve been with my boyfriend, David, for a little over a year. We met in November 2023.
Tell me more about how you met
A mutual friend, who worked with David, set us up on a blind date. They were like, “Oh, I have a friend you should meet.” I had nothing to lose, so I accepted the invitation. David and I exchanged Instagram handles, had conversations for about a week, and met up for an ice cream date.
Interestingly, I didn’t even know what he looked like. He’d seen my pictures on my Instagram, but his profile was empty. So, I saw him for the first time during our date.
Ermm. Weren’t you scared?
The thing is, I don’t like asking men for their photos — they are often terrible and don’t do them justice, so it’s better to see them in person. When I saw David, I thought, “Thank God. He’s not ugly.”
It was a good first date, even though I arrived an hour late because I had the wrong directions. We had a good conversation, and I let my guard down. I didn’t want to get my hopes up before I met him. But after our conversation, I decided to be more open.
We went on a second date the following week, then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I liked him, but I told him to calm down. I thought it was too early to take that step because we’d only been talking for three weeks. To be fair, we’d discussed some important topics even before our second date. But I wanted us to know each other for at least a month before starting an official relationship.
I’m curious about the kind of topics you discussed
One was our finances. David said, “Let’s just be honest and tell each other how much we earn.” This was new to me because I didn’t discuss my earnings with previous partners. I also didn’t ask them. But I saw he really wanted to be open in that aspect, so I told him exactly how much I earned, and he did the same.
At the time, I earned ₦150k – ₦200k as a freelance social media manager. He’s a tech bro and made about ₦400k/month. We started dating a month later. This was in December 2023.
How has the relationship been so far?
It’s been really good. I’ve never been in a relationship with this kind of openness before. David and I share everything.
When we argue, it’s mostly due to our different approaches to things. I want to address an issue immediately and get it over with, but he prefers to bring things up later. When he does that, I often feel blindsided. Like, you were pretending everything was alright while you had this thing on your mind?
This was a source of friction. I thought I was a chill person until we started dating. So, it surprised me how intense I could get in arguments. I’d have to physically stop myself to ask, “Why am I so angry?” But we’re adjusting better now. Sometimes, we just laugh at each other during arguments. Like, why are we acting like this?
Our different spending habits have also been subjects of these arguments.
How so?
I’m always like, “You shouldn’t be spending money this way.”
I’m the saver in the relationship. I grew up with a “need to save” mindset, and it worried me that David had zero savings even though he earned so much money. Who does that?
So, I raised that with him a few times, and he’s seen the light. Now, he saves 40% of his monthly income with me and thinks twice about his spending.
At the moment, David works for a foreign company and earns £3k/month (about ₦6m), and 40% of that is about ₦2m. There’s another £300 he sends to me monthly.
I know people might think it’s crazy that he keeps his money with me, but no one should worry. I won’t run away with his money.
I’m screaming. Is the £300 a girlfriend allowance?
Something like that. This is how it started: During my NYSC in February 2024, I found a Place of Primary Assignment (PPA) that would pay me ₦60k/month. When I told David about it, he thought I didn’t need it. My remote freelance job guaranteed up to ₦200k/month. The ₦60k job was on Lagos Island, but I live on the mainland, and commuting was going to be stressful and expensive.
I reasoned I should just try the 9-5 life, but David insisted that he didn’t think I should do it because of the stress. So, I joked that I’d quit if he paid me ₦500k/month. Two months later, he got his current role and brought up the joke.
I didn’t quit, though. I didn’t want a situation where someone controlled my decisions because of money. I stuck with the job for another three months before I decided the 9-5 life wasn’t for me. After I left, he started sending me £300 every month. This has happened for six months now.
You mentioned he saves his money with you. Is it toward a particular goal?
A safety net. We just want to have something saved for when we need it. For example, he used his savings to buy a ₦5m car and move into a ₦1.9m apartment in 2024. Then, some more money to furnish and set up the place. All these were possible because of the safety net.
I have my own savings, too. Sometimes, I use it for our dates or joint expenses. My housewarming gift to him was most of the equipment in his kitchen, and the whole set cost me almost ₦400k.
What’s your financial situation like right now?
On average, I make around ₦450k – ₦500k/month, depending on how many gigs I get. From this, I save at least ₦100k.
I haven’t touched the £300 allowance David sends me monthly and haven’t even converted it. I’m keeping it as rent money. I currently live with family members, but I’ll probably get my own place in March, so it will come in handy.
I’m sure that if I had been saving for rent from my income, I wouldn’t have the same level of financial freedom I enjoy now. Because I have this safety net, I can comfortably shop and eat what I want without overthinking expenses. I’m grateful for that.
Do you both have a monthly budget for romance stuff and dates?
We spend about ₦100k on dates and do this at least once a month. Other times, we stay indoors and order food, which costs anything between ₦20k and ₦30k.
David pays for these dates. From his salary, we decided that ₦1m is for him to spend on whatever he wants, and the money for dates comes from there. On the rare occasion that he finishes the ₦1m, I send him like ₦100k. That said, I also ask him for money if I’ve spent more than I planned for and only have my savings left. We try not to dip into our savings at all. If we do, we always return what we take.
How about gifts?
We often exchange random gifts, and don’t wait till special occasions. I get him jerseys and clothes. Sometimes, I just send him money. The most expensive gift he’s bought for me was my iPhone 14 Pro last year. It cost ₦1.5m, so that was massive.
How are you both thinking about future plans for your relationship?
I’m definitely team japa, but David doesn’t want to leave unless he has solid options abroad. I understand him — £3k can’t do much outside Nigeria. Even in Nigeria, £3k should make him super comfortable, but it doesn’t. In the long term, we’ll definitely leave because this country won’t get better.
For now, we’re just focusing on our relationship and trying not to let the pressures of adulting and work affect us. We also plan to go on vacation by the end of the year.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I want to earn millions so I can match his energy, and we won’t have to think deeply when we want to go on vacation. Let it be that we both worked hard for our money and can afford to rest. I’d also like a future where we can afford to live in nicer places, and we don’t spend all the money we make just living day to day.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
In Nigeria, hitting children isn’t just common; it’s practically a rite of passage. For many, it’s an unquestionable part of the “discipline package.” The reasoning? “Spare the rod and spoil the child”—a saying that Nigerian parents have embraced with pride. But let’s be real: has all the rod-sparing and rod wielding created a society of disciplined people? Hardly. Nigeria’s corruption, materialism, and general chaos suggest otherwise. Yet, there’s still a widespread belief that alternative parenting methods only breed disrespectful and unmotivated children.
In this article, we speak to three Nigerian mums raising disciplined children without lifting a hand. They share their experiences, challenges and wins, which all prove there’s more than one way to guide children toward the right behaviour.
Gbemisoke Adekoya, licensed psychotherapist and child educator
When did you decide not to hit your children?
I wish I could say that I’ve always been a non-hitter, but that’s not true. I reflexively used my hand because that’s what I knew growing up. But a few years ago, I took a behavioural psychology class that introduced me to positive reinforcement for behaviour change. I was initially sceptical, but I tried it, and to my surprise, it worked.
As someone who loves sharing what I learn, I started telling other parents about how positive reinforcement works better than punishment in behaviour change. It became my life’s work to teach others.
I genuinely believe parents use the tools they have, and you can’t criticize people for using the wrong tools when you haven’t offered them the right ones. That’s why the biggest part of my messaging is teaching people what’s possible and practical tools that they can use. I don’t just say, “Don’t hit your child” I’m teaching them what they can do instead. I speak about this at length and discuss these practical methods on my YouTube channel and in videos like these: I Can Discipline Without Hitting?
What’s been the biggest challenge with this method?
It takes time to work. Physical punishment is highly effective in reducing bad behaviour in the moment, but it doesn’t teach replacement behaviour. Discipline is not equal to beating. Real discipline requires time and self-reflection, and most people—including parents—struggle with both. For example, if your child flings their iPad in frustration because the Wi-Fi stopped working, the issue isn’t the iPad, it’s that they don’t know how to manage frustration. If you respond by slapping them, you’re showing that you also don’t know how to handle frustration.
The crux of the matter is staying patient while your lessons take time to stick. People who get beaten don’t notice but it prevents the brain from working properly. It impacts them negatively because they don’t have frameworks or tools for working through or thinking through complex things. The only tool they have is violence.
What’s your favourite experience with this method?
The relationship I have with my children. Parenting is the most delightful job that I have, but it’s also the most stressful job. If you don’t keep at it, your kids won’t be okay. My kids make good choices not because they fear me but because they’ve been taught to think things through. I’m preparing them for a world where I might not always be present, and that gives me peace.
Sarah* When did you decide not to hit your children?
Well, it helps that I talk to my child like she has sense—because she does. She’s capable of knowing the difference between right and wrong, so the first thing I do when she’s acting out is to try and understand why. She’d never willingly upset me, so finding the root of the matter through discussion has always proved effective. For instance, beating her won’t help her get better grades if she’s failing her classes. She broke a plate, okay? Should she now die? I’ve broken phones and plates, too and nobody beat me. There has to be a cause or a reason, and so if we talk about it, we can get to the problem.
We have honest conversations about actions and consequences. For example, I tell her to brush her teeth twice a day not because “I said so” but to avoid cavities and bad breath. There’s a reason, and she understands it. I’ve never felt the urge to hit her, and I’ve been responsible for her for a couple of years now.
What’s been the biggest challenge with this method??
Regulating myself. I don’t raise my voice at her, no matter what. For me, that’s harder than trying not to hit her because sometimes I’m so angry that I just want to yell. But I remind myself that I’m trying to do better, so I take deep breaths. When I feel too upset, I tell her I need a moment to cool off before we talk. Then, when I do, I explain the situation to her. But that initial anger that fills my veins? Jesus.
What’s your favourite part of using this method?
The bond we share as mother and child, and being able to have conversations about anything. . My baby is shy but it’s nice knowing she reports people to me and walks around with an air of “as long as I tell my mummy the truth, I’ll be fine”. I’m her biggest fan and number one supporter. The culture of us talking to each other makes me feel good. We’ve come a long way.
Karo When did you decide not to hit your children?
It was a gradual decision from assessing the way I was raised, to my interactions with people who advocate for hitting as a form of discipline. I concluded there had to be another way. I had more conversations with other parents and by the time I had kids, I was committed to finding other ways to discipline them.
What alternative methods do you use?
I shout sometimes. But we’ve also recently started using a rewards chart to give daily points for chores and behaviours we want to encourage. This way, we are actively working on good behaviours. We also give related consequences for actions. Often, she loses privileges. Sometimes, I just let her be and I try not to react to every single thing. Kids are naturally curious. We continue to adjust as she gets older.
What has been your biggest challenge with this method?
Parenting is a challenge. It’s work, so it makes sense that it’s not always easy. I don’t think the challenges are method specific but you have to really engage to be able to discipline. You have to think of creative ways to correct behaviours. What no one tells you about attempting to raise children who are confident and not afraid to stand up for themselves in the world is that sometimes, they’ll stand up to you.
What is your favourite part of using these alternative methods?
I like the intentionality of it. I’m constantly reading up on things to get better at raising my child. It’s all about being conscious, communicating with my child and ensuring they understand rules, why those rules exist, and the benefits of doing the right thing. I want them to trust their instincts and consciously choose to do the right thing, no matter who is watching or not watching, for them to feel proud of their actions and make choices that they are proud of. They’ll often make mistakes or even deliberately choose to do the wrong thing. It’s my job to get them to understand why they’ve behaved that way and work with them to ensure they don’t repeat such behaviour because they are not their mistakes. It’s also a learning experience for me because I’m learning to interrogate my own feelings.
First of all, Asake is one of African music’s superstars, and indeed one of the biggest that we’ve ever seen. In three years of his ascent, he has released three albums, though the first two are more critically acclaimed than the third. Nonetheless, he has remained a king of street anthems, making fans dance like nobody’s watching.
With his unique blend of Fuji, Afrobeats, and Street-Pop, Asake has taken the Nigerian music scene by storm. And with a discography full of jams, it’s hard to pick just a few faves. So, I took on the task of diving into Asake’s catalogue, ranking the 10 best of his songs and exploring what makes each one special. From the chart-toppers, fan favourites, and the often-overlooked, I’ve crowned his undeniable bangers.
10.
“Mr. Money”
In August 2020, at the peak of the COVID-19 lockdown, an Amapiano jam hit the streets with the popular catchphrase, “Mr. Money, can I be your only honey?” This Magicsticks-produced song was everywhere, playing in clubs and parties, though Asake remained an obscure artist. It wasn’t until after his signing to YBNL that many realised that this guy had one of the biggest hits of 2020 when he was unknown. Its success birthed the remix with Zlatan Ibile and Peruzzi. This is his humble beginning in the mainstream.
9.
“Omo Ope” featuring Olamide
Asake kept at his Amapiano experiment and even began fusing with Afrobeats and Fuji. By 2022, Asake and his music had gained more clout and traction. He got the attention of Olamide, who featured on “Omo Ope” and eventually signed Asake to his record label, YBNL. That was the dawn of greatness for Asake.
8.
“Mogbe”
Relationship issues had Asake in a chokehold, and he had no choice but to voice out his emotions. He’s only available for love matters, but the problems with his insecure lover have pushed him to vices. Still, he found a strong voice that’s yielding to love, and he can’t let go. He ends the song by stating that his woman is a wonderful one. Indeed, romance over everything.
7.
“Nzaza”
This song, “Nzaza,” is the eighth track on Mr. Money With the Vibes, Asake’s debut album. It’s an Igbo word that means “God, please, hear my prayers.” By extension, he admonishes himself to help his prayers work, after all, even the Bible says there’s no food for the lazy. He also praises himself as an important personality— more or less a declaration or his prayer to fulfil his destiny to be great. His songwriting is as pristine as the heart he opens up in the song to the heavens.
6.
“Terminator”
This song arrested many music listeners straight from its preview on social media. “Terminator” refers to someone who goes back on an agreement or promise. In this case, it’s a babe he planned a link-up with. The song is riddled with sweet-nothings, sex talks and romantic yearnings. He even draws a comparison between his profound, persistent readiness for coitus, like a popular logistics company: “Mo wa gbe e de bi Gokada, I dey deliver steady.”
5.
“Fuji Vibe”
In five minutes and twenty-two seconds, Asake gives an eclectic performance of pure Fuji delivered with the urgency of the current times. He sings of enjoyment and women with hypnotic auras. Interestingly, Asake had this song for a long time, but he updated it with his producer, Magicsticks and additional production from himself and The Compozers. The second half of the song switches into the thunderous and rhythmic sounds of percussion; it sounds like chaos, yet so sweet and safe. He comes fully into his Fuji act here.
4.
“MMS”
Here, Asake, on his third album, Lungu Boy, eased off his Amapiano fusions and worked with another producer, P.Priime. “MMS,” meaning “Mr. Money Song,” is a laid-back and reflective record that suggests that God is omnipresent, nothing happens without God, and all that’s in this life is vanity. Wizkid, in the second verse, expands the theme and plunges into his mom’s demise and his grief. The song feels like a deep cut.
3.
“Lonely at the Top”
This song is on Asake’s second album, Work of Art. Here, Asake has found success. He already had the biggest Nigerian debut album ever out. He has performed at the famous O2 Arena in the UK. He was at a top level he hadn’t been before. Hence, the reason why a great height sometimes is a scary territory, as he sings here.
2.
“Sungba”
Before the “Sungba” remix with Burna Boy, the original song dominated playlists and DJ sets. “Sungba” is a raunchy jam about laying pipe. He remembers his old flings and calls on new players willing to join him in bed. It’s apparent here that this guy has mastered how to make resonating songs that become smash hits.
1.
“Remember”
This song calls back on the love that feels like it may slip away. He recalls all the lovely moments spent together and pleads for a continued, stress-free romance. In this romantic chase, Asake wants his love interest and the listener, by extension, to remember who he is: an undisputed show stopper, an undefeated champ, a committed lover and a big spender on his women. He makes a maverick record of “Remember.” His lyricism, vim and passion are earnest.
In Case You Missed It, We Reviewed Asake’s “Lungu Boy” Album. Read Here.
Lawmakers in Nigeria’s House of Representatives might be standing on business this year because they appear to be showing that already– reports have it that they’re looking to curb public smoking of tobacco in the country by introducing stricter punishments and jail terms.
Three lawmakers, Usman Zannah, Aliyu Garu, and Mansur Soro, are currently sponsoring a piece of legislation titled ‘A Bill for an Act to Amen the National Tobacco in Public Places and for Related Matters,’ are spearheading this move.
What does this mean?
Nigeria currently has a law named The National Tobacco Smoking (Control) Act 2015, which already prohibits public tobacco smoking in the country but lawmakers want it to be amended to contain stronger penalties for people who default against it.
The current law, for instance, provides that any individual guilty of smoking in public would be sentenced to six months in prison; under the proposed amendment, such an individual would either be made to pay a fine of not less than ₦10,000 (and not above ₦50,000), or one-year imprisonment (instead of six months), or be made to suffer both consequences.
While the National Tobacco Smoking (Control) Act 2015 currently penalises public entities who allow smoking with a fine of not less than ₦200,000, the amended version will increase the punishment by either making them pay a fine not exceeding ₦1 million, a prison term not more than two years, or both.
The new amendment also seeks to increase the punishment for people who advertise or sell tobacco, among others.
Why is this important?
You might be rolling your eyes at this amendment, but the lawmakers are actually on to something here. How? Tobacco use is currently responsible for 28,000 deaths annually in Nigeria and eight million deaths (per year) globally, and here’s the kicker– it’s also responsible for the death of an estimated 1.3 million people who do not smoke but are victims of smoking.
If you still haven’t made the connection, the stricter punishments against public smoking of tobacco are especially important because any form of exposure to tobacco can lead to death. The World Health Organisation notes that second-hand smoking can lead to “serious cardiovascular and respiratory diseases, including coronary heart disease and lung cancer.”
It’s such a menace that the WHO wants a ban on tobacco smoking in Nigeria as a whole rather than the existing ban on only its public use. Also, in 2019, the Center for the Study of the Economies of Africa (CSEA) revealed that Nigeria spent ₦526.4 billion in treating diseases caused by tobacco smoking.
Commonly contained in things like cigarettes, Shisha, and other products, tobacco has remained a major health concern across the globe. Its smoke contains thousands of cancer-causing chemicals such as Acetaldehyde, Arsenic, Benzene, and Cadmium.
Authorities around the world have tried to curb its use with things like popular “smokers are liable to die young” (which is a legislative requirement for cigarette companies) imprinted on cigarette boxes and other anti-smoking rules. In 2003, WHO member states (to which Nigeria belongs) adopted the Framework Convention on Tobacco Control (WHO FCTC) to curb this menace. Legislatures like the National Tobacco Smoking (Control) Act 2015 are part of the country’s attempt at abiding by the framework. But with almost every law in Nigeria, implementation has remained a problem. Maybe it’ll be different this time around?
Someone you know has left or is planning to leave. 1,000 Ways To Japa will speak to real people and explore the infinite number of reasons and paths they use to get to Japa
Temi didn’t just cross seven seas to find a degree and the love of her life, she left the life she had in Ukraine to start afresh in Nigeria too. In this edition of 1000 Ways To Japa, she talks about regretting her decision to move back to Nigeria, battling with depression, dealing with a fraudulent travel agent and japa’ing for the second time to London where she met her husband.
When did you leave Nigeria, and where do you currently live?
I left Nigeria in 2022. I currently live in London, United Kingdom.
Why did you want to japa?
There’s a whole story behind that. I had already japa’d before to Ukraine but moved back to Nigeria when things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to.
My plan was to briefly stay in Nigeria then go back to Ukraine , but that didn’t happen because the war started shortly after I left.
I found it hard to adjust to my life in Nigeria. I was just depressed most of the time. I made a big life shift. I went from having my own place to living under my parent’s roof. It also didn’t help that I was going through a heartbreak as well. I just needed a fresh start. So when my mom’s friend brought the idea of the UK, it was a no-brainer. I decided that I was going to do a master’s there.
It’s a good thing you got your fresh start. How did you start the travel process?
My mum’s friend introduced me to an agent who was supposed to help out with the entire process, but that didn’t go well because he wasn’t a real agent; he was a middleman.
There were many red flags I didn’t pick up on at first. There were certain times that he insisted on me coming to his office alone. My mom noticed, and she made sure I never went alone. He also used to raise his fees consistently– there was always something we needed to pay for that he forgot to add. I didn’t notice all of this until much later, and it ended up delaying my immigration process. I was supposed to leave in April, but I ended up leaving in September. The problems with the agent got so bad that we had to inform my dad.
How come he didn’t know?
My dad didn’t want me to leave Nigeria; he wanted me to practice medicine there, so we didn’t inform him that I was processing my move to the UK. It was the same thing when I was moving to Ukraine to study medicine.
Anyway, when things got bad with this agent, we had to inform him. We figured out stuff from there, but the resumption date had gotten so close, and there were still many things to iron out because of the initial delay. I remember getting emails from school back to back saying, “If you don’t arrive by this time, you’re not going to be able to get the two-year postgraduate visa that people usually get.” It was such a scary moment, because I kept asking myself what would be the point of going at all if I didn’t get that two-year post-graduate visa?
After a while, I finally got my visa, and it was just hectic because it was coming from Abuja. I had to leave Nigeria two days after I got the visa. I couldn’t say goodbye to so many people because it was so unexpected.
How did your friends react?
Most of them knew I was going to travel, but they just didn’t know when. The moment the visa arrived, we immediately started hurrying to buy a ticket and figure out how to get everything else I needed; there wasn’t time to squeeze any goodbyes in.
The school had resumed in August, and I was leaving in September, so we were really worried that I would not even be allowed in. Explaining to people wasn’t so easy; some people would assume that you didn’t say goodbye because you thought they were witches. There was a friend of mine who was my coursemate in Ukraine. Unfortunately, he didn’t pass his final exam, so he did not graduate as a doctor. He had to return to Nigeria but was working towards returning to Ukraine. I think I had casually told him about my plans to move to the UK. I couldn’t tell him when I was leaving, so when I got to the UK, I sent him a text. He was upset because of that, and it caused a bit of a rift between us.
Sorry about that. I’m curious, though, why did you hire an agent?
Before the war in Ukraine started, I had gotten my invitation letter to move back to the country, but after the war halted plans, I needed a backup plan as quickly as possible. I looked up a few schools on my own, but I never applied because using an agent was supposed to be easier and faster.
What are the red flags you’ll ask people to look out for when using an agent?
One of the red flags I’d always ask people to look out for is hidden charges. If the agent keeps coming up with new bills for you to pay, they are most likely trying to scam you.
Something else you want to do is carry out your own background check and try to find out how many people they’ve successfully helped. To make things easier, just rely on referrals. Learn from people’s mistakes and replicate their successes. I’d never, for instance, refer the first agent I used to anyone, and there’s a high chance others won’t recommend the horrible agents they used.
Lastly, pray and ask as many questions as possible. You can’t really know the heart of a human being, so just keep praying and stay in the know as much as possible by asking the right questions.
What did the transition process of moving from Ukraine to Nigeria look like?
It really wasn’t easy. But there was a part of me that was just happy to be going back to my family. As difficult as the transition was, I needed the change of scenery because I was struggling with my mental health.
Did moving to Nigeria help?
It helped a bit, but Nigeria will always have problems. There were times that I asked myself why I had never left Ukraine in the first place. At some point, I felt like my life didn’t have any sense of direction, but things picked up later. I got to rekindle old friendships and enjoy time with my family.
How different is London from Ukraine and Nigeria?
My life is different here in London. My first few months here were a struggle but I’ve settled in now and I’m the most fulfilled I’ve ever been in my life. If I were to compare, I’d say Ukraine is cheaper. The only issue was the language barrier; here in London, I see billboards and signs that I can actually read but in Ukraine, I had to do a lot of translation in my head.
Living in London has also been more beautiful because I met my husband here.
Congratulations. I’m assuming you’re done with your masters now.
Oh yes. It was challenging, but it went well. I met my husband in school, too. At the time, I had told myself that I was just going to focus on books, work hard, get my distinction, and figure out life from there. When we met, I told him about my plans to focus on my academic goals, but he was quite persistent, and we ended up dating. We moved in together a few months later, and now we are one month and a couple of days married,
So, how’s life as a newlywed going?
Honestly, I would say life since meeting him has just been fulfilling. I’m so content with my life. Things could be going wrong, but having him around makes me feel sane and safe. I’m glad I stopped playing hard to get because this is the most beautiful part of life so far.
I think I know the answer to this, but on a scale of one to 10, how happy would you say you are with your life in the UK?
100 times infinity. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been
Want to to share your japa story? Please reach out to me here.
Let’s talk true; we’ve all had that moment of curiosity (and maybe mild panic) when we’re about to encounter our partner’s private parts for the first time and don’t know what to expect. “Is it big or small?” “What shape is it?” and so on.
For these Nigerian women, their experiences ranged from amusing to endearing and even a little shocking.
Uche*, 25
My boyfriend is 27, so imagine my shock when I first saw his pubic hair and found streaks of grey! It was such a jarring sight because I didn’t even know people went grey down there, especially not a young person. I had to ask if he’d dyed it as a joke, but he said it was natural. It was so unexpected, but now I think it’s kind of cute.
Yinka*, 26
It took about a year of dating before my boyfriend and I decided to get intimate. We’d kiss, smooch and do other stuff, but we never crossed the line of pulling our clothes and doing the real thing. The day we finally got intimate, I remember pausing because I’d never seen foreskin up close before. I had so many questions: Is this normal? Shouldn’t it look different? He laughed and said it was perfectly normal and only looked that way because he didn’t get a circumcision. I had to do a Google search later just to ascertain if all was truly well and fine.
Toun*
I was surprised and scared. I already knew what the male reproductive organ looked like, but I wasn’t prepared for what it would be like on a grown man. I had no idea it could grow and change size like that, so I just sat there watching it happen, completely stunned. The size was overwhelming, and I wondered how it would fit. It became an issue between us at some point because it felt like it was just too big. But with time, my body adjusted, and things got easier.
Bisi*, 28
I’ve had my fair share of weird, nauseating smells while going down on a partner, so when I met my current partner, I already had this stereotype in my head that men don’t pay attention to grooming down there. But my guy shocked me. Everything was neat, trimmed, and moisturised. He probably uses scented powder or cologne, I don’t know which, but I’ve never gone down for some mouth action and twisted my face in disgust. However, I’m not sure if it’s healthy practice for him to use scented products on his private parts.
Fola* 32
Don’t get me wrong; size doesn’t matter if the guy knows his way around and gets creative with foreplay. However, I was slightly underwhelmed when I first saw my husband’s private part. It looked really small, and it wasn’t all that much, even when he got hard. Over time, I realised he more than makes up for it in other ways. Plus, my husband loves toys. However, I’ve never been able to get him to agree to a strap-on. Whatever the case, I firmly believe that size isn’t everything.
Fatima, 25*
My ex-boyfriend is light-skinned, and I’d always wondered what he looked like before we got intimate. However, the first time I saw his private parts, I couldn’t stop staring. His skin is a fair caramel colour, but his penis was so much darker in comparison. One would have thought he bleached his skin and left out that part of his body. I had to ask him if it was a health issue, but he laughed it off and said it was normal. It took some time to get used to the distinct imagery. Now, it’s something we joke about when we’re being silly.
Dera*, 23
I know pubic hair is normal, but I wasn’t expecting to find that much hair on “the twins”. It caught me off guard, and I may have giggled a bit. It was almost like holding a distressed volleyball. He later explained that it gets extremely itchy whenever he shaves his balls, so he doesn’t bother. I thought he would get offended, but he joked about the entire thing.
We all know that one onigbese who refuses to clear their debt until they get dragged through intense stages of embarrassment, but I never thought I’d live to see the day that Nigerian banks would become that onigbese.
If you’ve been relying on Unstructured Supplementary Service Data (USSD) codes to quickly send urgent ₦2k to your friend or to check your account to figure out how you’ll survive until salary day, you might want to brace yourself because telcos are threatening to suspend USSD payments.
Nigerian banks are responsible for the looming suspension because they reportedly owe telecom companies over ₦200 billion for USSD services. Apparently, the banks have been enjoying the service for years but have been acting strangely when it’s time to pay.
The Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC) on Wednesday, January 15, confirmed that nine of the 18 banks owing money to the telecommunication sector have fully cleared their debt, while the other nine have refused to pay up. NCC also added that some of them have been owing for as far back as 2020, and as a result, they (NCC) have decided to punish this coconut head behaviour with the suspension of USSD codes for the following banks – Fidelity Bank Plc, First City Monument Bank, Jaiz Bank Plc, Polaris Bank Limited, Sterling Bank Limited, United Bank for Africa Plc, Unity Bank Plc, Wema Bank Plc, and Zenith Bank Plc.
When will the suspension kick-off?
The NCC announced the suspension on Wednesday, January 15, but it is gracious about the possible suspension because it will not take effect until January 27. That gives your faves enough time to save face since their names are now publicly associated with an unnecessary debt.
What does this matter?
According to the Central Bank of Nigeria, 252.06 million transactions worth ₦2.19 trillion were processed via USSD between January and June 2024. That gives you an idea of how loved and necessary this easy payment method is, especially in rural areas where about 68% of Nigerians cannot afford smartphones for mobile banking. Now, paint a mental picture and imagine the millions of people that will be affected.
This is even more triggering because USSD services are supposed to be straightforward: the telcos provide the platform, the banks use it to serve their customers, and everyone plays their part. But what the banks listed above are doing is a classic case of institutions prioritising profits over accountability even though they continue to charge you for everything—SMS alerts, transfer fees, maintenance charges, and even USSD transactions.
Are these banks going to get away with this misbehaviour?
The only form of punishment the NCC is proposing, for now, is suspending USSD codes for the customers of the listed banks. However, the NCC will likely impose stricter punishments if the banks refuse to clear their debt.
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Lagos, Nigeria – Day 3 of the Jameson Christmas Tree Experience, focused on the spirit of unity and holiday pleasure. The event, appropriately titled “Puzzles and Connects,” was all about teaming up, overcoming hurdles, and bonding over a mutual love of the season and Jameson’s signature vibe.
Upon arrival, attendees were greeted with a complimentary cocktail, which added to the joyful atmosphere and helped everyone settle into the evening.
The event kicked off at 6 p.m., with DJ Venum curating a lively atmosphere with his festive yet relaxing mix, setting the right tone for the evening. Attendees were divided into teams of 10-20 to play puzzle games that tested their creativity and teamwork. Each group worked together to create their own small Jameson Christmas Tree out of jigsaw pieces, an exciting reference to the iconic Jameson tree and the spirit of the season.
After each timed round, the victorious teams received mystery gift packs, giving an extra dimension of suspense and excitement. The games featured six rounds, which kept the intensity level high and the competition friendly.
“Teamwork makes these puzzles so much fun,” one participant stated. “We bonded right away, cheering each other on to piece together our very own Jameson tree.”
King Kamsi did an excellent job hosting, and his vibrant comments and passionate skills added to the fun of the puzzle challenges. He kept the audience engaged, ensuring that there was never a dull moment.
“This is an important part of the Christmas season — fun, laughter, and shared experiences,” said Bodam Taiwo, Head of Portfolio – Bond & Connect. “With every puzzle piece put in place, we saw new friendships forming and existing bonds growing stronger.”
The Jameson Christmas Tree Experience concluded on January 1, 2025. Over the course of 12 days, guests were engaged in experiences that stayed true to Jameson’s passion points, including friendship, fun, gourmet Junk Food, and, of course, smooth Irish whiskey.
Follow @JamesonNgr for the most recent updates or use the hashtag #JamesonChristmasTree
We are calling it! The next frontier in media and entertainment is Podcasts. Just doomscroll through any feed that you regularly doomscroll through, and you’ll see the algorithm recommending viral clips from podcasts that you should get into.
Those viral clips have become very popular means of engaging with pop culture, yet many of you have not gotten into podcasts. This is not to say that just any and every podcast out there is worth your time, especially in this era of “As a woman…”
The hosts of The Honest Bunch. Image source: Honest Bunch
Enter me (duh!) to tell you what podcasts are worth your salt.
See below the 10 best Nigerian podcasts you should get into:
This is a fairly new podcast about music from Culture Custodian. But already, the hosts, Deji and Moyo, have sat down with Chocolate City CEO Abuchi Ugwu, where he spoke about being paid 2k as a producer. The hosts do not come to the chair with experience writing about music that one might expect, but they’ve offered commentary on everything from the best albums of 2024 to Burna Boy’s music. You can start with that episode with Ugwu from Chocolate City below.
This is a spinoff of the very spicy messages that members of the Diary of a Naija Girl community send to founder Ìfẹ́dayo Agoro. Everything is on the table on this podcast as Ife hosts her celebrity guests to a treat laced with salacious secrets. Start with an episode with former OAP, Gbemi OO.
This podcast pierces the experience of Nigerian women, interrogating how they are pushing against extremist conservative values in pursuit of wholeness. Hosted by journalist Nana-Aisha Salaudeen, the podcast has covered everything from fibroids to Kayan Mata and even crypto. I particularly loved this episode with the actress Nse Ikpe-Etim.
This has become the de facto Nigerian music industry podcast. Host and music journalist Joey Akan regularly invites industry insiders for a deep dive into the state of Afrobeats. Tee-Y Mix, Ckay, and even Joeboy have dropped by. Start with the Don Jazzy episode below.
Uncultured
These guys can be very, very unserious, but when they are serious and drop a new episode, you’re in for a treat. This is a pop culture podcast with a revolving door of hosts that blends pop culture and history to make sense of the country’s current state. Start with the episode on Afrobeats below:
Hosted by journalists Osagie Alonge, Steve Dede and Ayomide Tayo, Loose Talk is a podcast supposed to be about pop culture, but it really is about life as middle-aged men pushing forty. The hosts offer commentary on everything from music to politics and media through the older millennial lens. Stream this episode when they spoke about Zikoko below:
This is one of the few podcasts about men that offers honest conversations about the experiences of young Nigerian men and not just a punch down on women refusing to sit at home and cook. The hosts, Michael and Murewa, have had everyone from Timini Egbuson to Ebuka Obi-Uchendu drop by. Start with this hilarious episode below:
This podcast was one of the pioneers that ignited the podcast boom in Nigeria, sparking the trend of viral “As a woman…” clips that dominated the space. While some now dismiss it as part of the noise in the industry, it remains a go-to for the juiciest conversations. If you’re looking for unfiltered “tea,” this is where to stop. Start with the episode featuring Kunle Remi for a major dose of drama and insight.
Widely regarded as the leaders of the Nigerian podcasting space, ISWIS hosts Jola and FK have built a massive audience through their raw and honest conversations about money, sex, and navigating life as part of the nouveau riche. For a perfect introduction, start with the episode featuring Ozzy Etomi—it’s a must-listen!
I stumbled upon this podcast by accident while doomscrolling on YouTube, and I’ve been hooked ever since. It doesn’t get more sex-positive than host Hausachocolate and her guests, who dive into all the tips and tricks to level up your sex life. I especially loved the episode linked below, but what stood out even more was an essay by guest Ed Gothboy on Substack, where he breaks down the concept of “Dependable Fucks.” It’s a fascinating read!
If your January plans don’t include a Nollywood marathon, are you even doing it right? As Nollywood prepares to serve us new productions this new year, starting with Niyi Akinmolayan’s latest, Lisabi: A Legend Is Born, we’ve dived into Nollywood’s archive on Netflix to find the best films to watch this January.
From romantic comedies to gripping dramas, we made a list of movies for you to enjoy all month long.
See below the 10 best Nollywood movies to stream on Netflix in January:
Lisabi: A Legend Is Born
This film is the prequel to Niyi Akinmolayan’s 2024 hit, Lisabi: The Uprising.Lisabi: A Legend Is Born takes viewers back to the origins of the legendary folk hero Lisabi, exploring his birth and journey to becoming a historical icon. Featuring a star-studded cast including Odunlade Adekola, Lateef Adedimeji, Olayode Juliana, and Adebimpe Oyebade-Adedimeji, this film is currently Nollywood’s number one trending title on Netflix. A must-watch for all fans of epic storytelling!
In Line
A man is released from prison, expecting to resume his life with his family and business as if nothing had changed. But everything has. His wife is secretly plotting revenge for the years of abuse she endured, and his normal life might be slipping further out of reach. If you’re looking for a gripping love story with twists that keep you on the edge of your seat, In Line is it. Directed by Tope Oshin and starring Adesua Etomi-Wellington and Uzor Arukwe, this is a must-watch!
King of Boys
Film director and producer Kemi Adetiba has announced the return of her iconic King of Boys crime-thriller franchise with a new film set to drop in 2025. While we count down to its release, now is the perfect time to revisit the original film—or watch it for the first time if you haven’t already. Brace yourself for an intense, power-packed story featuring standout performances from Sola Sobowale, Toni Tones, Reminisce, and Titi Kuti. It’s a cinematic experience you won’t forget!
Blood Vessel
Starring Francis Duru, Jide Kene Achufusi, Dibor Adaobi, and John Dumelo, Blood Vessel is a gripping mystery film about six individuals who escape a polluted town and find themselves on a ship, only to discover that their toughest journey is just beginning. Directed by Moses Inwang, this film promises suspense, intrigue, and unexpected twists. A thrilling watch you won’t want to miss!
My Village People
If you’re looking for a film that blends the charm of classic Nollywood with the vibrancy of modern cinema, My Village People is the perfect choice. Starring Theresa Edem, Bovi Ugboma, and Venita Akpofure, this comedy brings a fresh take on village life with humour, drama, and unexpected twists. A must-watch for anyone looking to enjoy Nollywood at its best!
One of Many
One of Many tells the powerful story of a boy falsely accused of murdering his friend, and his mother’s relentless fight to prove his innocence against a corrupt system. If you’re a fan of gripping tales centred around law, order, and justice, this is a film you can’t miss. Directed by Kayode Kasumu, the film stars Dakore Egbuson-Akande and Chimezie Imo in standout performances that will keep you hooked from start to finish.
Ile Owo (House of Money)
Ile Owo follows the story of a young nurse who, after a string of failed romantic relationships, finally finds love with a stable and wealthy man. However, his family harbours dark secrets that threaten to unravel everything. Co-starring Bisola Aiyeola and Efa Iwara, this psychological horror film directed by Dare Olaitan will keep you on the edge of your seat. A gripping tale of love, deception, and hidden truths!
Dwindle
Directed by Dare Olaitan and Kayode Kasumu, Dwindle is a comedy that follows two friends who, after stealing a car, venture into the cab business—only to end up in a dangerous situation when they accidentally kidnap their state governor. Featuring Lateef Adedimeji, Bisola Aiyeola, and Jide Kene Achufusi, this film delivers laughs, thrills, and unexpected twists. A wild ride you won’t want to miss!
The Ghost and the Tout Too
In The Ghost and the Tout Too, a woman with the ability to communicate with ghosts must help a coma patient whose soul is trapped between life and death. If you’re into ridiculous humour, this one’s for you. Directed by Charles Uwagbai, the film stars Destiny Etiko, Iyabo Ojo, Ini Edo, and Ali Nuhu. It delivers laughter and supernatural twists. It’s a fun and light-hearted watch!
Before Valentine’s
Get ready for some drama before Valentine’s Day with Before Valentine’s. Set in a Lagos hair salon, the film follows hairstylists living fake lives, only to have their secrets exposed. Expect plenty of gossip, laughs, and relatable moments. Directed by Michelle Bello, this comedy stars Uche Montana, Bolaji Ogunmola, and Elozonam Ogbolu. If you love salon drama and juicy reveals, this one’s for you!
Award-winning filmmaker Chioma Paul-Dike has officially commenced production on her feature-length debut, Oblation, under the banner of Two Shoes Media Production. The film, steeped in African mysticism and suspense, builds upon her AFRIFF 2023 short film Dreams and begins principal photography in January 2025.
Oblation tells the haunting story of Nelo, a heavily pregnant woman tormented by vivid nightmares of an unknown presence warning her to leave her ancestral home. As her dreams blur into reality, she is forced to confront long-buried secrets in a gripping battle for survival.
Chioma Paul-Dike
Speaking on her vision for the film, Chioma Paul-Dike said: “I am a staunch enthusiast of the horror genre, having watched and enjoyed many horror films like Chucky, Karashika, The Conjuring, Mark of the Beast, Egg of Life, and The Bye Bye Man, amongst others. That has led to me being always drawn to stories rooted in African spirituality and culture. Horror is a universal genre, but I believe African myths bring a unique richness to the storytelling.”
Kelechi Udegbe
The project features a standout ensemble cast, including Onyinye Odokoro in the lead role, supported by Nollywood stars Kelechi Udegbe, Chioma Chukwuka, Bucci Franklin, Ebere Okaro, Amanda Oruh, Ruby Akubueze, Lilian Echelon Mbadiwe, Paul Nnadiekwe, and Iyke Ndubuisi.
Chioma Chukwuka
Scheduled to wrap by late January, Oblation will enter post-production from February through April 2025. The film is set to premiere on the international festival circuit mid-year, culminating in a global release in November.
As a filmmaker, Chioma Paul-Dike continues to do her part for African storytelling. Her earlier works, including Dreams and Until 23, have garnered attention at major festivals, with the latter winning the Access Bank Best Short Film Award at AFRIFF. Oblation marks a significant step forward in her career, cementing her reputation as a trailblazer in Nollywood’s evolving horror genre.
With Oblation, Two Shoes Media Production further establishes its commitment to authentic and culturally resonant narratives, promising audiences a storytelling experience that’s as thought-provoking as it is terrifying.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Desmond: Meeting her at a mini store near her hostel in December 2022. I was hungry, but the store close to my hostel had closed, so I went to one near hers. As I was about to leave, she showed up with a friend. The store reeked due to chickens the owners kept. She and her friend stood outside, arguing about who should go in because they couldn’t stand the smell. I walked up to them and asked what they needed. When they said airtime, I offered to recharge their number through my bank app and collect cash for the transaction.
Deola: He’s right. The stench was so bad I couldn’t enter the store.
When he came over to help, I couldn’t stop myself from taking a mental picture of his face. Later, when I got to my hostel and replayed the events of the night, I thought, “Fine boy wan send me airtime.”
I considered asking for his number that night, but I chickened out. Still, I kept praying I’d see him again—and I did a few days later.
How did you feel when he asked you to pay for the airtime, Deola?
Deola: I didn’t expect him to charge me, so it made me feel a little off. I assumed he was going to ask for my number, and I also thought he’d give the airtime for free.
Desmond: I considered giving it for free, but I fought the urge.
Why?
Desmond: I didn’t have enough for myself.
Right. So, what happened next?
Deola: We ran into each other on December 5. My friend asked me to come with her to meet a male friend at the school field. I got to the field, and there he was with the person my friend came to see. He was completely engrossed in a mobile game, so I sat beside him and did nothing until he noticed me and we started talking.
Desmond: I was playing FIFA. Then I realised I’d said a short prayer to God, asking him to bring us together again in the same week if she’s the one for me. After my realisation, I dropped my phone and made a conscious effort to start a conversation.
Shortly after, she mentioned that she was hungry, adding that a guy who’d promised her and her friend dinner bailed on them. I offered to buy her the food, but she refused. But she agreed to take a walk with me. On that walk she refused another offer for dinner. We spent most of the time talking and exchanged numbers after.
Why did you decline his offer to buy you dinner?
Deola: It didn’t sit well with me. I thought it much to ask of someone I barely knew.
I see. So what did you guys talk about?
Deola: I can’t recall right now. But all of that talking also led to holding hands that day.
Desmond: We didn’t get to talk about our personal and shared interests, but we talked a lot about our family and struggles as firstborn kids.
Right. How did things progress after you exchanged numbers?
Deola: We kept close contact with each other, constantly texting and spending time together on campus.
Desmond: I confessed my feelings the same night we exchanged numbers, but she didn’t buy it. She argued we just met, but I also insisted that I was sincere with my feelings. Then, she texted saying the only way she’d take my words for it was if I confessed my feelings to her in person.
Deola: On December 7th, while I was mourning my dad on his 17th death anniversary, Desmond asked me out. It was a quick proposal, and while I didn’t feel the same way, I accepted.
Why did you accept?
Deola: I liked him and wanted to give him a chance to change the way I felt.
Desmond, why the rush? Did you know she was in mourning?
Desmond: Yes, I was aware of that. But I asked her out as quickly as I could because I feared things would fizzle out, and it would end as another fruitless talking stage. I was already losing interest in knowing new people, but Deola was a breath of fresh air.
Our conversations were deep and meaningful, and I realised we were aligned in many ways, especially about our future. I’ve always been focused on financial success, and she didn’t shy away from such discussions. Whenever I brought up ideas about money and how to make it, she was genuinely interested, wanting to know my plans and encouraging me to pursue them. In fact, I can proudly say she’s one of the biggest reasons I got involved in the forex market.
Seeing that you skipped the friendship phase, what were the early days of the relationship like?
Deola: We were in perfect sync, both financially and emotionally. The first three months were smooth, and we mostly focused on improving ourselves and working towards financial stability.
Desmond: Those were some of our best days. We didn’t have a single fight during those months.
We shared the same ambition for our respective families. Growing up, I didn’t always get what I wanted because of financial constraints, and Deola had it tougher, dealing with emotional and physical hardship from her mum.
We both want a better life for our families, so we spent the early months mapping out strategies to climb to the top of the financial ladder.
Beyond that, we took the time to truly get to know each other. We went out often, and everyone around us noticed how much we cared for each other. Our relationship became the talk of the school, and my guys couldn’t stop telling me how lucky I was to have her. A few even joked about wishing she was theirs.
I’m curious. Why do you both feel that level of responsibility to your families?
Desmond: We’re both the first child of our families, hence the responsibility. Also, we feel we owe them a lot for the life they’ve given us even with their limited resources.
Deola: Beyond our families, we have a shared goal of becoming the wealthy aunt and uncle, and the wealthy parents. We want our kids to have everything and not let them experience the lack we did. It was our goal as individuals and as a couple.
Do you remember your first major fight?
Deola: Yes. It started when I cheated.
Please, tell me more
Deola: I went to a male friend’s place to charge my phone. One thing led to another, and we got intimate. Initially, I wanted to keep it to myself and stay away from him, but he wouldn’t let it go. He kept pestering me for more; almost like he couldn’t get what happened out of his head. It became too much to handle, and I came clean and explained to Desmond.
For weeks, he brought it up constantly, and it was clear he was deeply hurt. The issue kept resurfacing, and the toll on our relationship made me determined to make better decisions moving forward.
Desmond: She met the guy while taking a course in his department. I remember her telling me about him, saying she wanted to keep him as a friend. I wasn’t comfortable with it and warned her that he likely had other hidden intentions. I even asked her not to visit him and to cut off the vibes, but she didn’t agree. She argued our relationship didn’t mean she couldn’t have male friends.
I didn’t mind her having male friends, but I suspected this guy wasn’t coming from a purely platonic place because he was overly friendly. And after all my warnings, she eventually confessed what had happened.
How did you feel, Desmond?
Desmond: I was deeply hurt and annoyed. But I decided to give her another chance. I told her I wasn’t going to break up with her, but I made it clear that I considered her actions a rookie mistake and wouldn’t forgive her if it ever happened again.
What do you mean by “rookie mistake”?
Desmond: I believed she’d never been in a real relationship where the love is completely pure and genuine. She was a beginner experiencing true love for the first time, and she didn’t fully appreciate that.
I see. How did you guys move past this?
Desmond: I asked her to cut ties with the guy completely. But later, she told me they started talking again, and the guy tried to cross the line once more.
Deola: I knew asking the guy to stay away from me wasn’t going to work. So, I asked Desmond to tell him off.
Desmond: I spoke to him and made it clear he needed to back off. That was the end of it, and we’ve moved on since then.
Did this break the trust in your relationship?
Deola: Definitely. We lost the trust for a while, and it took a while to regain it.
Desmond: My trust in her dropped completely, but like she said, we were able to build it again within months.
How?
Desmond: We had to come up with ground rules. She couldn’t visit male friends or accept gifts from them.
Deola: I wasn’t allowed to take other guys’ numbers or form close connections with male friends. But I also held myself accountable by telling him everything and making him my best friend. In time, we were able to regain each other’s trust.
Fair enough. What would you say is the best thing about being with each other?
Desmond: We have each other’s back. She’s always down to support me. I was broke most of last year and expected her to leave, but she stayed. That said, there have been times when she almost left. I feel insecure when it comes to her, and I can be a very different person when my insecurity gets the best of me.
Deola: The best thing about being with Desmond is how we’re able to help and better each other. Since we started dating, he’s helped me become a better version of myself. I have my current job thanks to his words of encouragement and just pushing me to chase opportunities.
How do you act when you’re feeling insecure, Desmond?
Desmond: I’ll pick up unnecessary fights and say infuriating things, especially if I think there’s another guy in the picture. I’ll turn from lovable to a complete irritant. I say really hurtful things.
However, I’m currently working on this version of myself.
Right. How do you handle this version of him, Deola?
Deola: I try to meet him halfway and calm him down. But as he said, he’s a work in progress, and we’re finding better ways to resolve our issues. Better communication and understanding each other’s triggers are critical parts of that.
Do you think your relationship has changed you in any way?
Deola: He’s helped me become emotionally strong. Once upon a time, I couldn’t speak up for myself and he taught me how to do that.
Financially, I began to do things for myself. I’m a successful writer now only because he kept pushing me to do what I love. He’d take care of me when I break down from the workload and still motivate me to do more. He’s just the best man I could ever ask for.
Desmond: If I hadn’t met her, I wouldn’t have had the zeal to take trading forex seriously. She continues to push me to be better, and this also includes my spiritual life. I’m not an atheist, but I wasn’t interested the Church either. Deola changed that; she brought me closer to God.
Curious. How do you handle finances in your relationship?
Desmond: Right now, Deola is the only one making money through her writing. And the way we operate is: her money is our money, my money is our money.
Deola: Even if he has more, I’d still add mine into it. What we’re doing now in our dating phase is exactly what we’d do when we get married. We spend the money together.
Neat. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life?
Deola: It’s a 10. Desmond is everything I dreamed of as a young girl. He’s my best friend and he supports and fulfills me emotionally. I tend to rant a lot, but he listens and offers the best solutions. Even though we aren’t there yet financially, he’s enough and that’s just it.
Desmond: It’s a 10 for me too. Before Deola, I’ve never experienced true love from another woman besides my mother. Deola takes care of me, calms my soul…she’s legit my dream woman. Being with her has instilled cherished values in me and I’m proud to call her my woman.
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