The crazy thing here is that even though I’m writing this article, I actively watch the CW superhero shows. Well, with the exception of Black Lightning and Batwoman because their costumes are just…one kind. Anyways, I’ve always known the shows weren’t great but kept watching them anyway because I had grown attached to these likeable but sometimes selfish characters. (I’m looking at you, Barry.)

Let’s get into it:

1) The special effects:

Supergirl moved from CBS to the CW after it’s first season (which meant a budget cut due to all the other CW shows) but chile…we expected better this. Did you watch the clip above? What the hell was that shit?? I almost died the first Gorilla Grodd appeared on The Flash. He looked so shitty, I half-expected him to grab a girl, climb to the top of a construction building and start hurling barrels down at everyone. I was weak. In fact, here’s a list of all the times the CW superhero shows let people down with their CGI.

2) They always peak too fast:

I used an image of the flash here because it’s the prime example of this. The Flash peaked in its second season and has seemingly been repeating storylines ever since. Same with Supergirl. The only one that has managed to stay fresh is Legends of Tomorrow, and that’s because of the constantly changing cast and the fact that time travel gives the writers more storyline options.

3) The Costumes:

While the big three (Arrow, Super Girl, and The Flash) have pretty cool suits (shoutout to Kara’s new suit), a lot of the side characters have the shabbiest suits this side of Smallville. I will never forgive them for what they did to Carter and Kendra (Hawkman and Hawkgirl). In the image above, gaze upon the Halloween costumes they gave Black Lightning and his daughter.

4) The writers keep de-powering other characters so the main characters can shine:

There’s no show that does this more than Supergirl. In the comics, The Martian Manhunter has gone toe to with the likes of Superman and Wonder Woman. On the CW’s Supergirl, however, he never stays upright for more than three minutes at a time. Every fight ends with him on his ass. They somehow made him the weakest superpowered being this side of the early 90s X-Men cartoon’s version of Jean Grey.

Because ilysm, click here to read about 4 quality shows you should be watching.

The post 4 Problems All The CW Superhero Shows Have appeared first on Zikoko!.

So, you finished from Medilag? and life has been good to you, so you now have selective amnesia from your time there? Alright, I am here to remind you about all the many evils God delivered you from.

Come along as I remind you:

1) Bed bugs:

If I don’t start this list with the honourable owners of the school, have I even started? Chief executive terrorists. This menace forced many people to go for overnight. No matter how many times we fumigated, they just never died.

2) Collabo rice:

Let’s just thank God the dog days are over because see ehn.

3) Overnight – sleep:

How many times did you follow your roommate to class only to end up battling with sleep? show of hands if this sounds like you. Sleep is usually sweetest on the night of the incourse you didn’t read for.

4) Water scarcity:

God bless Gtbank, Kb tank, and mosque for not putting us to shame that year in medilag.

5) Ceedars:

If you know this name and you bought something from the kiosk, when will you marry?

6) Compssabration:

The absolute greatest thing to ever happen in the history of the school. We need another edition because this adulting is too much.

7) The generator is bad:

These words along with no fuel in the generator had enough power to ruin your week – how will we cook beans pls?

8) Getting your age in your first incourse:

The single most humbling moment in all of your academic life. Going up to the board and seeing 17,18,19. Over 100. Oluwa, can we have a discussion?

9) Mama Dee’s indomie:

Pepper roulette. It either had too much pepper or none at all. Nevertheless, it got the job done.

10) Cold room:

The most appropriate name is hot room. Riddle me this – where does reading stop and parole start inside cold room?

11) “Scaries”:

If you know, you know. Saving lives since 1980.

12) Hostel movement:

No human being should ever have to endure this. Somebody save me, I am in the ghetto.

13) Vuvuzela wars:

If final year students have not made midnight noise with whistles and vuvuzelas, did they really entire final year? I am sure some of the curses are still following the participants.

14) Compssa week:

The one week where enjoyment was a given throughout the whole year.

15) Love stroll:

Luth boys and let’s take a walk.

The post 15 Things You Absolutely Do Not Need To Remember About Medilag appeared first on Zikoko!.

No matter how many boxes someone ticks, we all have one relationship dealbreaker that outweighs all their positive attributes. So, we created a quiz that knows exactly what yours is, and it could be anything from terrible sex to anger issues.

Take it to find out:

The post QUIZ: What’s Your Ultimate Relationship Dealbreaker? appeared first on Zikoko!.

Students in Nigerian universities have stories to tell, but hardly anyone to tell them to. For our weekly series, Aluta and Chill, we are putting the spotlight on these students and their various campus experiences.

Our subject for this week had a lot of expectations before she enrolled for her Master’s degree programme. She soon realised the system was not built to add to what she already knew. She shares her frustration about her uninterested lecturers and their regurgitated lessons.

Tell me about how you started this master’s journey.

I finished my first degree in Biochemistry in 2016. I was going to apply for my master’s degree programme immediately, but the school management —  Unilorin where I did my undergrad — changed the admission requirements and made an NYSC certificate a prerequisite before your application could be considered.  So I applied in 2018, and got in. 

Why did you want to do your masters immediately? 

It felt like the next thing to do. There were no jobs — although I once worked briefly as an executive assistant — and travelling out of the country was not an option, so I believed going back to school could give me an edge. I believed a postgraduate degree would give my employability a huge boost.

That’s fair. Why did you go back to your alma mata?

I like my comfort zone, and Unilorin has become one. Also, Unilorin made a good impression on me during undergrad. There were no strikes and the stability banged, so I thought it was better to continue with a system that worked.

Ah,  I see. Were you excited to start your degree? 

Naturally, I don’t get hyped for anything. The masters was a means to an end – it was me trying to put myself out there.I had expectations, though. I thought it was going to build on and expand what I had already learned during my time as an undergraduate. I expected that everything I did there would be driven by research, but I have only a few months to go, and most of the things I’ve done, save for my dissertation, are purely theoretical. This irks me a lot, especially since we were only about 40 in my class, as opposed to the over 200 classmates I had when I was studying for my first degree. There was supposed to be more interaction with lecturers, but they’ve been aloof.

That’s quite the twist.

Yes, it is. When the series of events started, I was like what’s going on? I could have about four lectures scheduled for a day, and only one lecturer would show up. And the lecturer that showed up wouldn’t say anything I hadn’t heard or learned before. The best ones would give a quick rundown of the course and leave us to figure the rest out. There was this lecturer who came and dumped an exact material I used for a course I did when I was studying for my first degree. Yes, it’s that bad. Most of the things I’m learning are exactly what we did when I was an undergraduate.

By the time I wrote my first-semester exam, I realised that I might have played myself. I contemplated putting a stop to it and getting out of the messy arrangement, but I’d spent money and it wouldn’t make sense to anyone or myself if I dropped out of school at the time. But the fact that I couldn’t really do anything about it made me sad. Really sad. 

How did this affect your relationship with your master’s degree?

It filled me with a lot of anxiety, and I may have become disillusioned with the idea of getting a postgraduate degree. It became clear that I had to look for other means to get the knowledge I was looking for, and Youtube came into the picture. 

Tech always comes through.

Even before I started my masters, I’d always turned to Youtube about pretty much everything. I was in a molecular biology class, and as usual, nothing was making sense. The lecturer came in for a moment, dropped the material, and went on his merry way. I was close to freaking out on how to consume it with little guidance, when a classmate casually mentioned Youtube. It felt like a breakthrough – I was actually surprised that I hadn’t thought of that. Youtube became my classroom in every sense. And get this; I feel like these Youtube lessons are more interactive than what goes on in the lecture rooms. It’s strange that I’m getting more from strangers thousands of miles away. But it works, and I’ve decided to stick with it.

How much did these Youtube lessons level the playing field for you?

It’s helped in ways I didn’t even think of. I used to be so anxious about lecturers going AWOL and the sheer volume of materials I’d have to consume on my own, but after I discovered Youtube, I was prepared to walk into any exam hall knowing I wouldn’t flunk any exam. Really, it’s changed a lot, and I’ve learned more from Youtube than I have from any lecturer. Can you believe that? 

I can. But what do you think is the reason for the apathy on the part of your lecturers?

It’s just the way the system is set-up. The ‘anyhowness’ this country is notorious for. I have no idea of what’s going on behind the scenes but I feel like they would rather write papers and attend seminars and conferences. It’s how they amass respect in the academic circles after all. The more they get published, the higher they climb the rungs of the ladder. Of course, there will be a conflict of interest and a disconnect.

Have you tried letting any one of them know?

Absolutely not! You can never win with Nigerians, especially when they are older than you. The power play everyone with a modicum of authority likes to exhibit is quite comical. I’m not here to make a wave or put a target on my back, so the best thing to do is to find a way to make the arrangement work. This, if anything, only exposes how much of a trainwreck the educational sector and academic standards in Nigeria are. You know, I blame myself a lot for this.

Why is that?

I didn’t exactly research the master’s degree programme at my department. I thought I was familiar with the workings of Unilorin and knew everything I needed to know. I feel awful about it now. At least,  I could have asked one or two people and worked with whatever I got from them. Even if I was still going to come here, I would be equipped with the heads-up and wouldn’t deal with the rude shock I got. 

This masters is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I’m just here, fighting not to switch to auto-pilot. On some days, I woke up and wondered why I even bothered to go to class since there was a high chance that the lecturers wouldn’t show up. That was last year when I was still doing coursework. I’m writing my dissertation now, and still, I’m in that zone where I become tired and uninterested every time I turn on my laptop to work. I still contemplate dropping out. I won’t do it, but it’s nice to think about it. I’m pushing through, but life could be better. Nigerian education is going to complete and utter shit, and it needs a fix. ASAP!

Amen! 

It’s unfair the way the education structure is set up. The lecturers could really do better. To be fair, some of them seem like they enjoy what they do. On the other hand, others couldn’t care less – it’s very clear from their body language. If I wasn’t a cast member in this movie, I might even laugh at it.

Do you think you might have a better experience in a different school?

There’s no way to know for sure. However, if this had happened in a different school, I wouldn’t feel so defeated. I would know that  I explored another option. My lack of adventure seems to be my undoing. I’m not even going to lie; it feels like I’m wasting my time here. The only thing that fuels my excitement is that there is a certificate waiting for me at the end of it. This misery is temporary, and I can’t wait for it to end. I will defend my dissertation in a few months, go home, wait for my result, and eventually, I will forget that this fuckery ever happened.

Is it safe to say you are done with school?

The plan was to start my PhD process immediately after masters, but with my experience, that will have to wait – and that’s if I want to go down this road again. I’m not entirely ruling it out; the idea of a PhD sounds nice, but it’s going to have to wait.  I’m so tired. Nothing in this country works, and I can’t let it consume me.

I feel you. If you had to do this again, what would you change?

Go to a different school, maybe. Also,  I would ask more questions to get a better insight into what I’m getting myself in. This could have changed everything for me.

What are you looking forward to the most?

First, the plan is to forget that this ever happened and move on with my life. Moving on with my life means finding a job, which I have already started searching for. I’m looking forward to breaking into the labour market. It’s time to become an adult.

Are you currently studying in Nigeria or elsewhere and have a story to share about your life in school? Please take a minute to fill this form and we will reach out to you ASAP.

Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill? Check back every Thursday at noon for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.

The post Youtube Over Nigerian Education Anytime: Simbi’s Aluta and Chill appeared first on Zikoko!.

See, let’s face it, Nigeria is tough and being the first child in Nigeria is even tougher. A major source of this stress is money. Growing up, many of us watched our parents shoulder the responsibilities of extended family and we saw what the stress did to them.

Finances can build a family or tear it apart. No matter how many times you give, the one time you can’t, you are seen as the devil.

So, what are the money situations where it’s difficult to say no? especially as the first child.

1) Burials:

When an older person dies, it’s a celebration of life and not a sober affair. As the first child, there are expectations that the bulk of the expense falls in your laps. When the family tries to guilt you for not throwing a big party in honor of recently deceased Grandma in Osogbo, there’s very little you can do.

2) Rent:

Whether your younger sibling needs to rent an apartment for school or someone needs a place to stay, you are the first point of call. How can you explain to family members that taking in your extra sibling will stress your already struggling finances?

3) Marriage:

Good luck trying to explain why you can’t contribute to a wedding you have no idea of or don’t even agree with. However, it’s a rite of passage for you to shoulder a huge part of the running expenses.

4) School fees:

“It takes a community to raise a child.” It also takes a lifetime for the child to repay the community for their efforts and sometimes this means shouldering responsibilities like tuition for people coming behind.

5) Hospital bills:

Everyone assumes you are rich because you wear a shirt and tie to work but we are all one sickness away from poverty. No matter how much you budget and plan, you can’t factor in your family members falling sick. You also can’t watch them suffer because you are saving money.

6) Dash-money:

You don’t want to be the older sibling that doesn’t give the younger one’s money to go home after they come to visit or run menial tasks. It’s bad P.R.

The post 6 Money Situations Where First Borns In Nigeria Just Can’t Say No appeared first on Zikoko!.

It’s common knowledge that the CW superhero shows aren’t that great but everyone has one of those shows as their guilty pleasure. That’s why we made this quiz you can take to find out if you’re Supergirl or The Flash.

The post QUIZ: Which CW Superhero Show Are You? appeared first on Zikoko!.

Twenty participants will advance to the next round of the OPPO Mobile Redefinition Photography Contest which kicked off on the 6th of January 2020 and ended on the 19th of January 2020.

According to a press statement issued recently, the contest seeks to find ‘raw’ talents and empower them with cash and OPPO Reno2 smartphones to take their craft to the next level. 

Announced on the brands social pages, the top twenty participants were selected based on the quality of their entries which highlights each photographer’s ability to creatively capture his environment.

The next phase of the contest will require finalists to showcase their photography skills using the six photography modes available in the OPPO Reno2 device which are  Wide Angle, Zoom, Ultra Night Mode, Microspur, Videography and Blurring in their corresponding themes.

Three finalists will be selected by elite judges for an online voting process to select the final winners.

The top three winners will be rewarded with the sum of N1 million, N500,000 and N200,000 along with brand new OPPO Reno2 smartphones worth N179,000 respectively amongst others. 

With the launch of the OPPO Redefinition Photography Contest, the global smartphone brand, is setting the pace in the smartphone photography space in Nigeria.

Check out the top 20 participants below:

1. Adebayo Adegoke Samson
2. Adesina Zaid    
3. Adewale Alli Tijani
4. Ayanfeoluwa Olarinde
5. Ayodimeji Olugbewesa
6. Bisola Idowu
7. Bolarinwa Yusuf Olasunkanmi
8. Ebenezer Aransiola
9. Esosa Osaze
10. Fowosire Damilola
11. Iyesogie Ogieriakhi
12. Joel Adu Oluwaseun
13. Jude Anyanwu
14. Majid Ogunkoya
15. Michael Bankole
16. Obidinma Odinakachukwu
17. Rotimi Jerrie
18. Tunmise Otegbayo
19. Yitschaq Abia
20. Mohini Ufeli

–End–

About OPPO

OPPO is an innovative smartphone brand ranked No 3 in the world according to IHS Markit. As at today, OPPO provides cutting edge smartphones to over 200 million people all over the world. 

OPPO operates in more than 40 countries of the world, with 6 research centers worldwide and an international design center in London. OPPO has more than 40,000 employees dedicated to creating new experiences and greater value for customers around the world.

OPPO is popular for its stylish smartphone designs, quality photography experience and the status symbol it provides to its users.

The post Meet the top 20 finalists for the OPPO Mobile Redefinition Photography Contest appeared first on Zikoko!.

We’re going to need every single concerned Nigerian to summon the powers of 20 nosy Nigerian parents, because together, we have to get to the bottom of the person/people/thing causing these market fires.

But really, since October 2019, there have been fires in Benin, Kano, Anambra, with many multiple fires in Lagos. 2020 is just starting oh.

If you remember, a fire incident in 2019 produced this kind of hilarious, but definitely tragic attempt to put out a fire that was raging in Balogun market.

But just to get an idea of how serious and very unlikely to be a coincidence these fires are, here’s a rundown of some of the fires that have been running wild in Nigeria for the past couple of months:

Market fire on Martins Street, Lagos Island – January 2020.

This fire started on January 29th 2020. It was believed to be caused by a trader pouring fuel into a running generator.

Market fire in Mgbuka, Obosi, Anambra State, January 2020.

The flammable nature of the goods sold was blamed for the fire.

Ochanja market fire, Onitsha. November 2019.

Supposedly aused by a tanker explosion.

Kofar-Ruwa Yan Roji fire, Kano State. January, 2020.

Cause of fire unknown.

Ogbete market fire, Enugu. January, 2020.

Fire started in a foam shop. That’s the explanation. Hm.

Kara market fire, Berger. December 2019.

Guys, this fire started in New Year’s Eve, 2019. Hmm.

Akesan Marjet Fire, Oyo State. January 2020.

Obosi spare parts market fire. Anambra State. January 2020.

Cause of fire yet to be ascertained.

So guys, who thinks all of this is pure coincidence? Let’s see a show of hands.

The post That’s It! Who Keeps Causing These Nigerian Market Fires? appeared first on Zikoko!.

There’s so much new music being released that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to wade through the trash to find the gems. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a daily series that features new songs, by and featuring Nigerians, that you absolutely need to hear.

Adekunle Gold — “Jore” ft. Kizz Daniel

For the past year, Adekunle Gold has been on a mission to show off his range, and with every new release — be it a solo effort or an unexpected feature — he unveils an exciting new layer to his artistry.

His first single of the year, the Kizz Daniel-assisted “Jore” is no different. The track finds both stars singing about their relationships, promising to give their women anything they desire.

On the delightful love song, Adekunle Gold proves he can hold his own against one of the strongest afropop stars working today, and that makes us doubly excited for his upcoming LP.

The post #BumpThis: Adekunle Gold & Kizz Daniel’s “Jore” appeared first on Zikoko!.

Everyone who has ever gone job hunting in Nigeria will tell you that it’s so terrible, that they’d have rather help Hercules with his 12 labours than do it again. It’s an incredibly shitty experience made worse by potential employers who are out to:

• Exploit wide-eyed, fresh graduates who don’t know any better.
• Take advantage of the desperation of the ones who have already been in the job market for a while (thanks to Nigeria’s unemployment levels).

Here are 4 annoying staples of job hunting in Nigeria that almost everyone will come across at some point in their career.

1) Every job opening you find asking for applicants with experience:

The question you’ll ask yourself after encountering this a couple of times is “How am I supposed to get any experience if no one will hire me?!”. Some employers will even add shit like “FRESH GRADUATE with TWO YEARS EXPERIENCE” just so their ads will show up in more places.

Those employers probably haven’t given it much thought but they’re going to hell.

2) Potential employers requesting for people with experience and then offering them peanuts:

After gathering hundreds of hopeful job applicants who’ve been gaining experience for years and putting them through Philoctetes-style tests, some potential employers (who don’t fear God) then proceed to offer the applicants who made it through salaries so small that actual peanuts would be better.

3) Unrealistic job requirements with a side of pointless ageism:

“Looking for applicants with at least 12 years of experience Masters degree. Applicants must be no older than 25.”

BITCH HOW?!

It’s hard enough getting into a university early in this country. Then if you manage to do that, ASUU’s neverending beef with the government will cause so many strikes that your four-year course could take you almost double that time to finish. So where exactly do these people expect to find a 25-year-old with 10 years experience? Also, what stops a 32-year-old from doing the same job? WHAT?!

4) Scam job interview emails:

These ones take advantage of desperate job seekers. I don’t know how they get the email addresses but they send a mass email to hundreds (maybe thousands) of people asking them to come to some shady as hell neighbourhood for a job interview. Victims of these scams have returned with different stories. Some were robbed, almost kidnapped, almost recruited into shitty marketing jobs for GNLD etc.

The key here is to not go for an interview at a place you know damn well you didn’t apply. You’re not that lucky.

Speaking of job hunting in Nigeria, the latest episode of our show, Nigerians Talk, tackles this topic. A group of Nigerian youth spoke about their job hunting experiences and they ranged from “lol” to “Jesus Christ”. Watch the video below:

Now that you’ve hopefully finished watching the video, click here to access a form you can use to give us feedback on how to make to show better.

The post Job Hunting In Nigeria: 4 Annoying Staples of The Process appeared first on Zikoko!.

Sex appeal is your capacity to attract the sexual interests of other people. While some people are completely lacking in this department, others have too much to handle. We created a quiz that lets you know where you land on that spectrum.

Take to find out:

The post QUIZ: How Much Sex Appeal Do You Have? appeared first on Zikoko!.

What a great time to be alive; NYSC allowance has increased from N19800 to N33,000. After several years of begging and grovelling, the government has finally listened to us. Now, corps members will be eager to serve their fatherland, and those who are yet to serve will become eager to do so — or so we think. That’s the power of a “robust” allowance. Anyway, we have put on our prophecy caps, and we are here to bring you a divine message about the things that will happen with this new allowance.

1. Nigerians will enter “Jehovah Overdo” mode.

What can make a person want to go through NYSC stress repeatedly if not money?

2. Hello, wasteful spending.

Actually, wasteful spending sounds harsh. Afterall, they are only enjoying the fruits of their labour. Once N33k enters, it’s time to shut down Quilox.

3. There might be protests from the “older siblings.”

“Older siblings,” those corps members who served in yesteryears and suffered in equal measure. How dare Buhari pay these new set a higher allowance? No, Aso Rock must hear this.

5. A display of excess affection for Buhari.

Some of them might even go ahead to add Buhari to their names. And no one dares talk bad about Buhari in their presence. They might off cloth and fight. And we can’t blame them, can we? If it was you too, would you like to bite the hands that fed you?

6. Collecting N33,000 for a whole year means that corps members can buy a Benz, a house in Banana Island, and afford a trip to Cape Verde.

Thank God you can see it for yourself.

7. Financial advice will increase.

Everybody will suddenly have an advice for you on how to spend your new millions N33k.

8. Suffer-head treatment by employers will increase.

How dare you request for this month’s salary? Aren’t you collecting N33k now?

9. NYSC wahala will be greatly increased.

You have to work for the money you are earning. You think N33k is a joke? Clowns.

10. Now, Buhari has a proper excuse for lack of infrastructures.

The reason why Nigeria does not have light for three months now is because of the N33K allowance that we paid corpers. Please bear with us, we are fixing it.

If you enjoyed this, then you should see 7 Struggles Only Youth Corpers Can Relate To

The post 10 Things That Will Happen Now That NYSC allowance is now 33k appeared first on Zikoko!.

Dotun is an English teacher and a family man who has spent the last four years, living and growing his family in China.

He tells us about life in China, managing the Coronavirus while it’s running rife and makes his pick between China and Lagos in the face of the virus.

On a scale of 1 to that time we thought the world was going to end in 2012, how seriously are the Chinese taking the Coronavirus right now?

Whatever scale there is, the seriousness breaks it! First off, you know the city where the virus was discovered? Wuhan> Well, if you live there, just pray you can actually stand the family and friends around you because the whole city is on lockdown. Nobody’s leaving until the 14 days for the incubation of the virus passes, and maybe not even after. Residents were told to cancel any trips planned around that period. The country has been placed on a level 1 alert, which is the highest.

See, nobody is playing games with this thing.

Okay. So like 2012 plus that ebola that year, double bracket one or two Nigerian coups. That’s how serious things are. Got it!

For real. I live in a city that’s a long way off from Wuhan, and even there, they’ve directed that public gatherings stop. I left China for a little vacation about a week ago ⁠—

[ʷᵉᵉᵏ ᵃᵍᵒ]

Haha. But yeah, I left about a week ago. By that time, they had directed schools to stop holding, no churches, no mosque service, no mass public transport. Just forget all of that for right now.

Wait, wait, hold up. My brain just booted. They let … Oh. So you can leave China right now to another country?
Oh yeah. Funny thing is, when I was travelling, there was a kind of health check leaving China. That was when my temperature was automatically checked. Same thing when I got to Ethiopia where I had a stopover. But when I got to my final destination, easy breeze. There was no stop, entered freely.

Gee. With entry into countries being this easy, however, could the Coronavirus have spread to dozens of countries in such little time? Hm, I wonder aloud.

We’ll get back to that. But speaking of China and travels, how did a Dotun find his way from waist training in Lagos with Ambode, to living in Zheng Wei’s backyard?

Oh so first, I came to China to get a Master’s in International Business in English. That was in 2015, right after that, I got a job teaching English to students.

The thing is, every year in China, there’s a big demand for English speakers to move to the country to teach. It’s a pretty basic process to get the visa, they make it that way to encourage applicants. You just submit the necessary forms directed and follow whatever directives are given. I applied for the work visa, got it and moved. That was four years ago. and that’s it really.

Interpretation: opportunity to japa seen and grabbed with both hands.

Well I mean…

But to add to it, it takes about one to two weeks to get an interview. It can go up to four weeks, depending on the load of applicants at the time. If you’re granted the visa, it can take up to seven days for the visa to be issued.

One of the best parts of the process is, you only pay for the visa fee if you’re granted the visa. 

Oh nice! So, let’s say I’m a stranger to China, like you were four years ago. What’s one thing I definitely can’t miss about the country.
Oh, I know this one, and it definitely takes some getting used to. When you first visit China, you will definitely be overwhelmed by how many people are sharing the road with you. The population is crazy. See, them dey born in that country!

Really? So are we talking say, old Oshodi in Lagos type of crowd?
I’m talking you’re walking on the road and it’s as if a mob is following you, you’re saying Oshodi. That crowd is a defining thing about China. It’s crazy.

Got it! So what’ll take second place?
Phones! You can’t miss it. If you’re new in China, just pay attention. You’re going to notice people hardly use cash or cards or anything of the sort. Your phone is your wallet, debit card, credit card, everything. You kind of get used to seeing it all the time, but it’s actually the coolest thing. 

Wow, everything just slaps different when you’re not living in a third world country. Now as an insider, what are common misconceptions about China that need to die by fire?
Definitely some assumptions about the people. The Chinese get a bad rep for being a certain kind of way, maybe selfish, but it is so far from the truth. I’ve had the most wholesome, kind interactions with strangers here, than I’d ever have had in Lagos.

A complete stranger can go out of his way to take you to your destination if you seem lost or confused. I’m saying take an hour out of his time just to make sure you get where you’re headed safely. It’s the nicest thing.

Oh wow!
Yeah. Oh, and because China is this big industrial force, you kind of assume it would have industries and factories everywhere, but it is so far from the truth. China is definitely at the top when it comes to using tech to improve processes. It’s not number two or three either.

Oou, fancy! So I’m curious about accommodation. How has manoeuvring that in China been like for you?
About this! Remember I mentioned I came here for school? My campus accommodation was added to the fees I paid to the school, so I never had to worry about that. And now, working as a teacher, my employment comes with free accpmmodation, English teachers get that here. So I’ve never had to worry about it really.

Wow, you weaved total package and agent’s fee? Must be so naize. So flexing rent-free must be something to love about living in China. What are your top three picks for the things you love the most about living in China?
See, the ease of life in this country? There’s no part two. It’s so easy to get services here. The second thing would have to be the excellent transport system. Short-distance, long-distance, they’ve got you. 

Now that’s not to say there’s no traffic. But the thing is, if you’re tired of being up, you just go down. They have an excellent subway system.

Hm. I need you to help me translate ‘Nigeria can you see your mate?’ to Chinese, quick-quick.
Ah, small-small. I’m not fluent, I only speak a little Chinese and my colleagues speak a little English. That’s how we cope.

Nvm -尼日利亚你能看到你的伴侣吗？

So what else do you like?
I’d have to say being able to have three months off every year because I’m a teacher, that’s pretty great!.

I’m not jealous at all. Now let’s flip it, what don’t you like about living in China?
Hmm, let’s see. First thing has to be the crowds in the big cities. I;ve never lived in a big city, but when I have to go to Shanghai or Beijing, it gives me a headache.

And you’re sure Lagos Island during Christmas…

You have to see this crowd first. Well after that, I’d have to say I really don’t like that I don’t Christmas Holiday in China.

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?
Haha. So China doesn’t have a Christmas holiday. The Chinese New Year is usually one or two months after Christmas and that’s the main holiday.

Now speaking of holiday. Were you at all scared about the coronavirus when you were on the plane heading to your vacation?
Um, to be honest. Not at all. I feel the Chinese government has things under control to a reasonable degree. I mean they just completed a 1000-bed hospital in six days because of the Coronavirus, just to make sure it’s better managed and there’s a reduced risk of a spread.

Six days? 尼日利亚你能看到你的伴侣吗？

Oh yeah! And they’re about to launch a second thousand bed hospital this week. So they’re prepared to a degree. They built similar hospitals in record time when there was the SARS outbreak in China and Hong Kong, they did built similar hospitals in record time.

You know, there’s something interesting about the Coronavirus and the Chinese New Year I mentioned.

What’s that?
So the Chinese New Year is just like Christmas, but you know, Christmas for the largest population of people in the world. They’re travelling between countries to be with family and friends and moving all over continents. That’s one major reason why the coronavirus is spread so widely on the globe.

Oh wow.

It actually gets worse. Because the Chinese government was unaware the disease could be transmitted from human to human; they allowed the free movement of people, provided they weren’t coming in contact with sources of the virus. By the time it was discovered that the virus could pass from humans, it had gotten to a worrying stage.

Man, this is terrifying. How does life with the Coronavirus match up with life pre-virus?
It’s like living in a ghost town. It’s so lowkey. Before the Coronavirus, In China, especially in the evenings, you’d get people gathering in parks, just hanging out, You’d see old people just dancing at squares, that’s a very popular thing in China, or it used to be. 

People just stay in and with the government’s directive, they only go out for the absolute necessities, getting food etc.

Scary. Are you worried about returning to China after your holiday?
Truthfully,  not at all. I’m sure things would have been under control to a certain degree by then. Or at least I really hope so. Not letting it phase me now though.

So, returning to Lagos or weathering out the Coronavirus in China, what’s winning?
You know what? I’d still pick China over Lagos any day.

Can we take it that China is your final bus stop?
Oh no, definitely not. My wife is Batswana, and we’ve talked about the idea of moving there permanently. I guess we’ll see.

The post Catching Flights And Dodging Coronaviruses: Dotun’s Abroad Life. appeared first on Zikoko!.

About 7 years ago, BlackMagic landed his breakout hit with “Repete” — a song that announced him as a star to watch. While he followed up that timeless gem with a slew of other solid songs, none of them ever caught on quite like they deserved to. 

With the start of this brand new decade, the versatile star looks to be on a mission to redefine himself, and he accomplishes that with his strongest and most cohesive body of work to date, Blackmagic Version 3.0 (Starving Artist).

On the 13-track project, BlackMagic shows off his impressive range, both as a performer and a writer. He seamlessly alternates genres, sings rather beautifully, raps with gusto and thoughtfully tackles a bunch of complex themes. 

More vulnerable and introspective than most Nigerian artists tend to be, BlackMagic raps about navigating depression (“Blue”), fighting for his sanity amidst relentless scrutiny (“Koole”) and our flawed government (“Ponmo”)

Like with any good body of work, BlackMagic isn’t the only reason this project works so well. The impeccable production work from Xela, Bond, Ikon and Spax help elevate his words, ensuring that the album never feels boring or repetitive.

On the album’s Tems-assisted opener. “Soon”, BlackMagic takes out time to apologise for taking so long to release the project, saying he was “chasing inspiration”. Considering the outstanding outcome, it’s safe to say that the wait was more than worth it. 

Listen to Blackmagic Version 3.0 (Starving Artist):

The post On ‘Blackmagic Version 3.0’, BlackMagic Redefines Himself appeared first on Zikoko!.

I enrolled for my National Identity Card in 2017 at a registration centre in Ibadan. It’s 2020, and I’m still waiting for the call that may never come. Sometime in 2018, I registered for my Voter’s Card, but for some reason, I got that one. It’s somewhat curious, but I will take the win.

I digress.

As a Nigerian, you’re quick to realise that everything is a struggle, especially when the government is involved. It’s hilarious that you have to submit yourself physically to a venue to enrol or register for the littlest things. But where it begins to get real is when you realise that you won’t just waltz in and out; you will have to brace yourself for a day characterised with pushing and shoving, verbal abuse, and more. Ugh, the ghetto.

This can be quite an ordeal, but with these hacks, you might just have it easy, by Nigerian standards, anyway. Not to get ahead of myself, but you’re welcome.

Leave your house early

As a Nigerian, there are only three times when you should leave your house early for anything; your interview with an embassy, the day you’re supposed to catch your flight … and any day you plan to register for anything managed by the Government. You have to be at an enrolment/registration centre, and unfortunately, so do hundreds of people. Are you even taking this thing seriously if you leave your house at 6 A.M?

Find who is in charge

No matter how early you get to the venue, there will be a mammoth crowd before you. Now, you could join the line and wait your turn like the good Nigerian you are, or you could do yourself a lot of good and find the people that are running shit. If you’ve ever experienced civil servants in their elements, you will understand how important this is. 

Find anyone else that can help you

You know how they say that the lone wolf dies, but the pack survive; this couldn’t be truer. Find anybody that seems to have it all figured out and stick with them through it all. You can easily identify them; they control the crowd and do other class captain stuff.

Pray (Sorry,  Nigeria)

You should do this before you leave your house, actually. But you should do it at intervals when you get there. You see, only God can speak into the minds of the people in charge of the registration centre. Oh, let’s not forget that everything they need to capture your biometrics and other information can decide not to work that day too. But with prayer, all things are possible (or how do we say that stuff again?)

Forget About The Stuff Until They Call You -If they call you

So, you spent the better part of the day, but you made it to the front of the line and gave them everything they need. Congratulations, you have managed to come out of the ordeal unscathed. Now, go back home and wait until they get back to you, which in some cases is never. But at least, you did your part.

The post How To Survive A Day At A Nigerian Registration Centre appeared first on Zikoko!.

When it comes to old Nollywood realness, we all know that the women were the ones who came on the scene and served hard. We’ve decided to honour legendary actresses who still impact the movie industry decades after their debut.

Today, we honour the elegant Stephanie Okereke Linus.

Stephanie Okereke Linus has been in the movie industry for over two decades. She was a teenager when she appeared in two Nollywood movies, Compromise 2 and Waterloo in 1997.

Born on the 2nd of October 1982 in Ngor Okpala, Imo state, Stephanie’s dream was to become an actress. While she was still in secondary school, was actively involved in the drama community and after graduating, she went on to study English and Literary Studies in the University of Calabar. It was in the university that she began to attend auditions and eventually snagged her roles in Compromise 2 and Waterloo which earned her an award for Most Promising Actress in Nigeria and another for the Best New Actress to Watch Out For at the African Movie Academy Awards and the Africa Magic Viewers Choice Awards.

Stephanie also has repute as a model. In 2002, she emerged second place in the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria beauty pageant.

In 2007, Stephanie released her first movie Through the Looking Glass in which she worked as director, scriptwriter, producer, and actress. The movie was nominated for Best Screenplay in the African Academy Awards in 2009.

In 2011, Stephanie was honoured by the Nigerian government with a National Honour (Member of the Order of the Federal Republic, MFR) which is an award given to a celebrity in Nigeria who has contributed immensely to the economic growth of the country through entertainment.

In 2014, Stephanie released another movie, Dry, which she wrote, directed, produced and acted in. The movie won many awards including the 12th Africa Movie Academy Awards and 2016 Africa Magic Viewers Choice Awards’ best movie overall movie with the prize of a brand new car. 

In April 2012 Stephanie got married to Linus Idahosa in Paris, France, at a private wedding ceremony. The couple have a son, Maxwell Enosata Linus, born in 2015.

Stephanie is our Woman Crush Forever!

Want more posts about legendary Queens Of Nollywood? Then you should check out our Queens Of Nollywood archive.

The post Queens of Nollywood: Stephanie Okereke Linus appeared first on Zikoko!.

Preparing for the IELTS exam should count as part of the risk factors for hypertension in Nigeria. People are actively trying to leave the country but the English test seems to be a major obstacle in their path.

We present some of the super real moments for people who have had to take this exam:

1) My face the first time I saw the cost of the exam:

I can’t afford to fail.

2) Me to my bladder on exam day:

Don’t embarrass us, please. We don’t have enough time.

3) Anytime I miss a word in the listening test:

Johnny, stop talking so fast. Slow down ffs.

4) After watching twelve E2 videos in one day:

My data!

5) How I felt on the day of the speaking test:

6) Looking at the time during the writing task:

“Why are you running? Why are you running?”

7) My heart on results day:

God no go shame us.

8) Trying to choose between MOD/B.C:

9) When I mispronounce a word during speaking:

Am I ready for abroad like this?

10) My expression when I see some essay topics:

11) Why are writing letters, please?

Dear IELTS,

I am writing this letter to tell you not to stress me.

Yours faithfully,

12) “Write a letter thanking your friend for the beans they gave you on your last visit”:

13) Arranging the night before the exam:

Double-check my passport and writing materials for the hundredth time.

14) The way I prayed against my village people on the exam day:

15) Greeting everyone at the exam venue:

I don’t know if I will get extra 0.5 for respect, please.

16) When I hear many people don’t pass well with B.C:

17) Me to myself when I am on social media instead of studying:

18) “Do you agree/disagree, to what extent do you agree/disagree, discuss both views”:

19) When you see your boss at the exam venue:

You too?

20) “Discuss both views and give your opinion”:

I don’t have an opinion, please. Just let me come to your country and live opinion-free.

21) “You now have one minute to write down your points to be discussed in section two of the speaking test”:

The post 21 Things That Are Just Too Real For Nigerians Who Have Written IELTS appeared first on Zikoko!.

Team Zikoko is made up of many colourful, definitely mentally stable characters. Take this quiz to find out which one of them you are.

The post QUIZ: Which Zikoko Team Member Are You? appeared first on Zikoko!.

There’s so much new music being released that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to wade through the trash to find the gems. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a daily series that features new songs, by and featuring Nigerians, that you absolutely need to hear.

Mr Eazi — “Kpalanga”

Mr Eazi’s capacity seems limitless, both as a businessman and a musician. That being said, Mr Eazi the artist is our favourite iteration of multi-hyphenate, and he just reminded us why with his new single, “Kpalanga”.

On the track, Mr Eazi sings about a girl he’s trying to woo, promising to give her anything to prove his love. Not only is “Kpalanga” immensely catchy, but Mr Eazi also gets to flex his vocal chops more than he has in a while.

Runtown – “Body Riddim” ft. Darkovibes & Bella Shmurda

Runtown doesn’t get nearly enough credit for just how consistent he is. The versatile afropop star rarely drops a weak track, and his latest effort, “Body Riddim” continues that impressive streak.

Featuring two exciting up-and-comers, Bella Shmurda and Darkovibes, “Body Riddim” is a sultry song about a woman’s undeniable beauty. Runtown is expectedly stellar, but it’s Bella Shmurda that’s the real MVP.

Blaq Jerzee – “Arizona” ft. Wizkid

One of the last great releases of 2019 was “Blow” by Wizkid and Blaq Jerzee. Thankfully, it didn’t take too long for both stars to reunite, as Wizkid joins Blaq Jerzee on his solid new track, “Arizona”.

On the self-produced banger, both stars sing about weed, women and wealth. While Blaq Jerzee stole the show on “Blow”, Wizkid dominates this time around, delivering yet another standout hook.

The post #BumpThis: Mr Eazi’s “Kpalanga”, Runtown’s “Body Riddim” & Blaq Jerzee’s “Arizona” appeared first on Zikoko!.

There’s something last borns that gets Nigerians talking. But then again, Nigerians are the king of forming wrong impressions about everything, so but sometimes it can get to you. Especially when everything being said is false. Here is a list of wrong things Nigerians say about every last born. We think it’s time to stop.

1. “All last borns are weaklings.”

Says which medical doctor, please?

2. “If you’re a last born, then you’re the parent’s favourite.”

Actually, no. Some parents prefer the first or second child. Sometimes, the last child can even be the one that will receive plenty beating, so what are you saying?

3. “Last borns are the worst cooks. They can’t cook to save their own lives.”

Oh you think because we’re last borns, they won’t allow uS into the kitchen? Haq, you joke. We cook like every other child. We learned everything.

4. “Last borns are always rude, they don’t have respect at all.”

Abeg explain what you mean because we don’t seem to understand.

5. “Last borns don’t have to worry about clothes; their elder ones will dash them.”

But what if we don’t like wearing other people’s clothes? Or what if our elder sibling is a different gender? What if we’re bigger than them? This logic is faulty on many grounds, to be honest.

6. “Last borns are always stubborn.”

First you say last borns are crybabies. Now you say they are stubborn. You see why we can’t take you serious?

Here’s another thing we think you’ll love: Annoying Things People Say About Law Students

The post 6 Lies People Tell About Last Borns appeared first on Zikoko!.