People say a lot of things about NYSC camp, many of which are wrong. This has caused a lot of bad feelings about the NYSC orientation camp and many prospective corps members are discouraged about the camp experience. This post will help you correct some of those wrong things.

1. “NYSC camp is boring.”

Look, NYSC camp is not boring. There are a number of activities designed to keep you engaged: parade, SAED lectures, drills, social nights, pageants, etc. How can one feel bored amongst all these activities? Yes, SAED lectures can be boring (I slept through a major part of them to be honest), but NYSC camp being boring or interesting depends on what you make of it. There are close to 1,000 people in camp. You’ll meet people of different ages, social class and educational backgrounds. Why would such an experience be boring?

2. “Camp food is bad.”

Well again, this is not exactly true. In my camp (Borno state), they didn’t salt the rice and the yam was sometimes a disaster. But they made good pap, good egusi soup, and good akara. The thing is this: if you had to grade it, camp food would get a C, not an F, as people would make you believe.

7 Types Of Graduates You’ll Find In NYSC Camp

3. “You can have sex in camp freely.”

Lmao abeg, abeg. I don’t think this possible. Everywhere in camp is basically an open space. How can you have sex in the open? And given how tired we all are after a day’s activities, how can anyone have time to knack? Yes, I have heard that people caught having sex are decamped and sent home immediately. But the question is, where did they have the sex? People claim they have sex in the bush, toilet, on the grass, etc. What is 21 days that you cannot hold body for? Because I don’t get how you people will press each other to a smelly toilet wall for something that won’t last. Why not finish camp and devour yourselves like bread? That’s how me I see it o.

4. “NYSC camp is a waste of time.”

No, I don’t think so. Think of NYSC camp as an opportunity to travel, to see a place(s) you would not have traveled to anyway. Imagine being posted to Anambra or Sokoto when you’ve spent your entire life in Lagos or Ibadan. Quite naturally, you would not have gone there on your own. But NYSC has given you a once in a lifetime opportunity to explore. Why not enjoy it?

5. “NYSC will foster national unity (One Nigeria).”

This is a bitter truth we all must swallow. NYSC cannot foster national unity. When you get to camp, you’ll understand this more. NYSC camp is the foremost place for tribal segregation and politics. The agenda is to ensure that youth from various tribes miX and get to interact, but a lot of these youths come to camp with their minds already made up. Which is why, when anything happens, people are quick to point fingers: “Oh, Yoruba people have started”; “See them, Igbo people”; “Just look at, Hausa people.” It’s sad how things have turned, but that’s the reality of things. It’s up to you to broker peace and unity wherever you find yourself. Nigeria will thank you for that.

How Did You Survive NYSC Camp? 11 Corpers Share Their Stories

The post 5 Wrong Things People Say About NYSC Camp appeared first on Zikoko!.

There’s so much new music being released that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to wade through the trash to find the gems. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a daily series that features new songs, by and featuring Nigerians, that you absolutely need to hear.

Brymo — “Strippers + White Lines”

Brymo, one of Nigeria’s most acclaimed singer-songwriters, just released his seventh studio album, Yellow, and “Strippers + White Lines” is its astounding lead single.

On the Mikkyme Joses-produced track, Brymo sings about his struggles with depression, his unhealthy coping mechanisms and fighting to find the light amidst all the darkness.

While it’s one of the more muted songs on the eclectic new album, “Strippers + White Lines” still beautifully continues Brymo’s tradition of being raw and unflinching with his music.

The post #BumpThis: Brymo’s “Strippers + White Lines” appeared first on Zikoko!.

If you are new to the internet and are wondering what we mean by the “Yoruba Demons” in the title, its the christened name for “Yoruba men” in the dating scene.

The term “Yoruba demons” has become something of a buzzword in the Nigerian dating scene. Some women say they would make the devil himself jealous with the devious machinations of their minds while others don’t quite understand what all the ruckus around them is about. We asked 9 Nigerian women about their experience dating Yoruba demons and this is what they said;

I was dating myself

Lol! I haven’t dated a Yoruba man, my dear. Who I dated was myself. For a whole year. This Yoruba man I thought I was dating had a fiancee in Nigeria, who he first told me was his sister, then his cousin, then his ex who he broke up with because she had gotten pregnant for his best friend. Meanwhile, the poor girl was there faithfully sending daily nudes and weekly personal porn videos. The man even got his older sister and mother to swear to me on their lives that he was single. So yes, I’ve dated a Yoruba man and by the special grace of God I lived to tell the story.

Vivain, 31.

It was awful.

It was awful, he cheated and bragged about the number of women he slept with on Facebook. He mentioned their names and that was when I knew I was dating a real demon.

Esosa, 30

I loved the idea of being with him.

That my experience wasn’t great isn’t an indictment on the entire tribe. However, I dated an only son from a rich family. A spoilt, cruel brat who got whatever he wanted and thought it would extend to me. Looking back at it now I don’t think I loved him. I loved the idea of being with him. How good we looked together. I had to shut him down anyway when he started getting worse. I cut him off and blocked him and his friends everywhere so they couldn’t get access to me for any reason.

Niki, 25

Everything they said about them is true.

My most recent past relationship was with a Yoruba man. Well, everything they said about them is true. I sha didn’t experience any kind of infidelity. But the talkativeness, craftiness, dishonesty, ahhh very poor personal hygiene, lazyyyyy.

Ifeoma, 27.

It was fun while it lasted

It was a good experience, we had fun while it lasted.

Sylvia, 24

He was good to me

Most part of the dating was online. He was good to me and he was super smart. The arguments weren’t a lot and I was extremely happy. He was stingy back then sha.

Nkay, 25

The Yoruba Demon Thing is Real

The experience is hell, some days heaven, the Yoruba demon thing is real.. Especially if the guy is a fine boy, bonus, if he has a beard and is dark.

Lilian, 25.

It was a bittersweet experience

Dated No, flirting Yes. Always romantic, and knowing the right things to say to a lady. Pretend they understand you but they really don’t care. It was a bitter sweet experience but  ended in pains.

Dinma, 23

The first one cheated on me.

I have dated two Yoruba men. They are very romantic… gifts, a fun time,  words of affirmation, the whole works. The first one cheated on me and the second was too busy with work so we hardly saw.

Nelly, 29

Did you relate to any experience on the list? Or do you have more tea to spill? Send a mail to blessing@bigcabal.com if you do and we’ll get right to it. Meanwhile, we also have a list of annoying things single women in Nigeria are tired of for you to read.

The post 9 Women Talk About Dating Yoruba Demons appeared first on Zikoko!.

Effortlessly gliding across genres, Brymo’s ‘Yellow’ is a masterful reminder of the singer-songwriter’s range.

For an artist from Nigeria, a country overflowing with people obsessed with faux humility, Brymo has never been afraid to publicly declare just how great he thinks he is.

While that level of self-assuredness tends to rub people the wrong way, it’s hard to argue with his impeccable discography. Now, the acclaimed singer-songwriter is back with yet another defining album, Yellow. 

On the 15-track project, which is separated into 3 distinct parts, Brymo gives himself room to experiment with a host of different genres, resulting in his most eclectic and sonically satisfying offering to date.

Effortlessly gliding from folk to synth-pop to trap, Yellow is the rare album that should have a little something for just about everyone, regardless of already established musical tastes.

While the album’s consistently stellar production work is impossible to deny, Brymo remains the undisputed star, grounding the entire affair with his sturdy voice and pointed songwriting.

He thoughtfully tackles many rich and complex themes, ranging from the burden of blackness in today’s world (“Black Man, Black Woman”) to the strain of dysfunctional relationships (“Blackmail”).

Seven albums in and Brymo continues to impress. He’s never passed up an opportunity to push himself as an artist, and the outstanding Yellow is just further proof of his undeniable gifts.

In a time of so much crippling uncertainty, it’s great to know that one thing will always remain the same: Brymo’s capacity to move and astound us with his music.

Listen to Brymo’s Yellow below:

Rating: 9.2/10

The post Review: Brymo’s ‘Yellow’ appeared first on Zikoko!.

If there is one thing staying at home has unlocked for many Nigerians, it’s boredom. People are bored and are seeking new ways of keeping themselves occupied. From social media challenges to texting old flames, people are bored.

Nigerian celebrities have found new ways to keep us entertained in this dire period and we have been getting music producer vs music producer battle edition on Instagram live. With these veterans comparing catalogs and jams they have produced for famous Nigerian musicians.

The first set of people to open the floor were Shizzi Vs Sarz and that edition left so many people blown away that it spurred another showdown set: Pheelz vs Masterkraft.

Here’s a sinppet from Sarz vs Shizzi:

Here’s a preview from Pheelz vs Masterkraft:

So, the gist is that even though they went head to head, there wasn’t a formal conclusion because Masterkraft left the battle before it ended and there was no conclusive victor.

Nevertheless, both producers put up a spectacular show and reminded us of just how rich the Nigerian music scene is. However, Twitter people who can never be trusted to behave had a lot to say about the battle.

Here are some of the more out of pocket responses to that entertaining performance from the two legends:

1) Officer, arrest this man!

2) Lmao.

3) Tired of Nigerians.

4) Crying.

5) Someone finally said it.

6) Don’t bring pencil to a gun fight.

7) Game over.

And they lived happily ever after…

The post All The Funny Reactions To The Pheelz Vs Masterkraft Showdown On Instagram appeared first on Zikoko!.

Students in Nigerian universities have stories to tell, but hardly anyone to tell them to. For our new weekly series, Aluta and Chill, we are putting the spotlight on these students and their various campus experiences.

Trigger warning: This story contains some disturbing details. 

This week’s subject is a female student at the University of Uyo. She talks about her experiences with lecturers who have sexually harassed her and how she’s absolutely sick and tired of them.

Tell me how you got into school.

I wanted to study Building Engineering. My mum wanted me to study MBBS in a foreign university. I didn’t want it and we didn’t reach a compromise, so I wrote JAMB that year, but I didn’t pursue admission into any university. She suggested a private school in Nigeria, which I didn’t want either. After a series of back and forth, we agreed on another course. Now, I wasn’t sure which university to apply to. I wanted Federal University of Technology, Akure, but I was avoiding a school that offered only 5-year courses. 

My mum went to Uyo for a conference and she came back, gushing about how beautiful the city is. I’m from Akwa-Ibom State and I’d never been there, so I thought it wouldn’t be bad to try it out. I did the JUPEB program first, then I applied to the university through the DE option. Eventually, I got into the school in 2015 and started from 200 level. I found out later that my course runs for 5 years here too. Lmao.

Mad! Was Uyo everything your mum told you it would be, though?

Uyo is really beautiful. The only problem is that some of the men there are vicious and abusive. It’s normal for men to harass women and nobody would bat an eyelid. I’ve had my share of that too: I’ve been slapped at a park because a man tried to harass me and I talked back to him. Also, the caretaker of the house I lived in my first year slapped me and chased me with a machete because I came home late one night. So, stuff like that happens and it’s really frightening.

Wow. That’s a lot.

It is. I’ve not been a fan of Akwa-Ibom men since then, especially after my other experiences. 

Wait! There have been more experiences?

The rest happened in school, with my lecturers.

Can you take it back to the beginning?

As I said, I joined the class in 200 level. I was already behind on a lot, and as if that wasn’t enough, I had to register for some 100 level courses. I ran all the courses concurrently. I had a medical condition too, and in the middle of it all, I became sick and left school for a while to take care of myself. It was a whole lot. My first year was horrible and it was the beginning of my problems in that school. I should have left and gone to another school.

What happened?

I had issues with my courses. I did well in my department courses but failed a couple of electives from another department. And this is how it works: once the lecturers start to notice that you are struggling with their courses, they take advantage of the situation. Also, If you don’t write their  tests, you automatically fail the courses, even if you write the exam. I was struggling with my health, so I didn’t write the tests. I didn’t even stress it, I just knew I had to brace up and do better in my third year.

In my third year, I went to this lecturer’s office to re-register one of the courses I had to take again. I’d missed his test that semester because his class was the same time as one of my 300 level courses. When he saw that I’d missed the test, he asked me how I intended to pass his course. I answered truthfully and told him that I didn’t know. He asked me if I wanted to pay him  to get a passing grade. There’s grade sorting in Uniuyo — you pay the lecturer some money, and you pass the course. I asked him to name his price, but he wasn’t talking about money, even though he posed the question that way. He demanded to be paid in kind. He wanted to have sex with me.

Whoa!

I wasn’t going to go down that route. Fortunately, I wore a ring on my fourth finger on that day, and that was my ticket out of the situation. I told him I was married, but he persisted, telling me that my husband wouldn’t know that I cheated with my lecturer if I didn’t tell him. I lied my way out of that one and cooked up stories about how I was trying to make a baby with the husband. I must have been pretty convincing. He relaxed his stance and let me go. The man was the gentlest of them all. He didn’t bother me after that and I even passed the course. The other lecturers weren’t that nice. 

There’s more?

 There’s always more. My second abuser was also a lecturer in that department. I failed his course in 200 level too, re-registered it in 300 level, but I failed it again. That was weird because I was pretty sure of what I wrote. I went to his office to request for my script. That was a mistake — I shouldn’t have gone to his office. 

Man, what happened in his office?

He told me I didn’t write his exam well. He was within his rights to say that, but he was quick to change the subject. He veered into how he’d noticed me since I joined the class in 200 level and how much he was attracted to me. I took everything as calmly as I could, but my mind was racing. I told him okay and left his office. 

Nothing happened on that day. I wrote his exam again and this time, I passed the course. But he had his eyes on me already, and the best I could do for myself was to be friendly with him.  I would greet him whenever I bumped into him and stuff like that. So, I was in his office on this day. The intention was to say hello to him and breeze out as fast as I could. He motioned for me to come closer to him. It was a tough situation. I went closer, but made sure to keep a distance between us. I was too close. In an instant, the man grabbed me and pulled me closer to him.  He held me there and I could feel his groin on me. God, It was such a repulsive feeling.

Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. 

I struggled for a bit before he released me. I was so upset that I walked out of his office without saying a word. There was nothing to say, anyway. I felt like shit on my way home, and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault, it felt like it. I was only trying to be nice, and that was what it got me. 

No one deserves that. I’m sorry 

He tried to touch me inappropriately two more times. These people don’t stop. They have all the power. When he tried it again the third time, I couldn’t take it anymore. I poured out all my grievances. It was a risky thing to do and I didn’t even know where the courage came from.

Did it make you feel better?

Oh, yes! I felt relaxed. That was my way of getting it out of my mind and dealing with it. 

This is a lot

Yes, it is. I was still reeling from that one when another lecturer in that department turned his attention to me. This one started it in class. He would randomly call my name and pass a comment. He would ask me to see him in his office, and I had to go. The visits were always a waste of time — all he did was to ask me to see him outside the campus. 

Bruh!

The first time I wrote his exam, I failed it. I knew it was a bad idea to request for my scripts, so I accepted the result. That meant I had to write the exams again and I had to go to his classes before I could do that. I was still in his grasp, so the compliments continued and the invitations to his office didn’t stop. I ignored his invitations. When it was time to write the test, this man didn’t allow me and a couple of other students into the hall. Again, if I didn’t write the test, it was over. He asked us to come to his office later to sort it out.  We went in a group, but he asked us to come in one at a time. And again, I was alone with him. 

That doesn’t sound good.

Uhm. Well, he admitted that the reason I failed the course the previous session was because I didn’t come to see him after the exam.

Whoa!

I was still there, trying to keep calm when someone knocked on the door and came inside. When they saw that he was busy, they went back. The lecturer stood up, went to the door and locked it. I thought he did that because he didn’t want to be interrupted, but he had other ideas . My back was turned against the door, so I didn’t see him when he was coming back. He didn’t go back to his seat. He grabbed my boobs from behind and groped me. I almost died because it came as a shock. Not that I didn’t think he was incapable of it — but I wasn’t anticipating it.

Sigh.

He didn’t stop there. He tried to reach into my dress. My disgust reached a new peak, but I gathered myself and got out of his hold. This man literally said he did that only because he was happy. Can you believe it? I told him off. He didn’t say anything. He went back to his seat and asked me to write down my name and registration number. 

Did you eventually write the test?

 Yes! He set a date for another test. And that was the last day I saw him because the school went on strike sometime after that.

Did you try to report any of these experiences to the school management?

There is a unit for stuff like that, but reporting them is a futile thing to do. I know a girl who reported a lecturer who was harassing her and they made life hell for her. She tried to change her department, but her old department wrote the new department to send her back. She’s still battling with that, not sure if she’s going to graduate. I would have reported if I knew for sure that there was a way there. 

I was in my final year last session, and I should be out of the school if I didn’t have to deal with all these courses I failed in 200 level. I don’t understand why this keeps happening to me. Even my project’s external supervisor tried to start something with me but that’s another story. 

I’m so sorry. How did you manage to cope with all this?

Barely. I’ve lost count of the number of times that I’ve cried myself to sleep. I see these lecturers and I know that I have no control. I didn’t do anything wrong — I only wanted an education. At the height of it, I considered dropping out. And here’s the thing — I don’t have any problem with the lecturers from my department. I mean, I got an A in my final year project.  Every trauma I’ve gone through came from lecturers outside of my department. The littlest things make me cry now. My mental health is not at its best. But how could it be?

I’m really sorry. How hopeful are you that you’re getting out this year?

I don’t know. But I have to. I’m leaving that to God. I’m done. Really, I’m done. If this continues after school resumes, I’m leaving the certificate for them. This is my last year, as far as I’m concerned. They should hold on to the certificate. I will hold on to what remains of my sanity.

Are you currently studying in Nigeria or elsewhere and have a story to share about your life in school? Please take a minute to fill this form and we will reach out to you ASAP.

Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill? Check back every Thursday at noon for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.

The post Dealing With Sexual Harassment From Uniuyo Lecturers: Debby’s Aluta and Chill appeared first on Zikoko!.

Working from home has advantages as well as its disadvantages. The obvious ones is that some of the lies we use to avoid work can’t fly anymore.

Here are some of the excuses we can no longer use for now.

1) “I was late because of traffic.”

Traffic from my bed to the work station.

2) “I had to drop my kids in school.”

I am not lying.

3) “I have to leave early to attend P.T.A meeting.”

It’s a Zoom meeting pls.

4) “I have to leave early to beat traffic.”

The holdup around that my side is bad. Especially from work table junction to bed street.

5) “Bus broke down.”

Where bus = my motivation to work. Bus is me, I am bus.

6) “Police stopped me.”

It’s God that saved me.

7) “I had a flat tyre.”

Pls. Believe me.

8) “Bus took a wrong route.”

And we were warning the driver.

9) “Trailer fell.”

Ojuelegba is currently blocked.

10) “It rained.”

Water entered my house and I was packing it.

The post 10 Corporate Lies That Can’t Fly In This Work From Home Season appeared first on Zikoko!.

Contrary to what they led us to believe when it became clear that La Corona was going global, the Nigeria government is NO WAY prepared to handle this pandemic. From letting people coming from high risk countries into Nigeria without keeping them in quarantine first to not having enough test kits, the whole thing is a mess that is slowly causing panic among Nigerians.

To that effect, there have been donations from different people (Tinubu, Dangote, Folorunso Alakija etc) dedicated to getting the different things medical personnel need. However, we don’t know if these donations have actually been made or if the funds (if donated) are being used right.

But that’s not why we’re here today. We’re here today to discuss the Nigerian government’s recent antics on Twitter. On the 31st of March, 2020 engineer and technology entrepreneur, Elon Musk tweeted this:

And on the 2nd of April 2020, the official Twitter account for Nigeria’s Ministry of Finance, Budget and National Planning replied with this.

If you’re wondering why this is a screenshot instead of an embedded tweet like the other tweets in this article, the answer will be revealed soon.

This led some Nigerians to react like this:

However, some other Nigerians had different reactions. Like this guy:

Which led other Nigerians to bring up a couple of insane things our politicians did with money in our not so distant past.

While all this was happening, I went back to check the tweet that started it all and found this:

Whoever’s handling the official Twitter account for Nigeria’s Ministry of Finance, Budget and National Planning deleted the tweet.

BRETHREN!

What side of this argument are you on? Was it shameful for the government to dip Nigeria’s toes in the muddy waters of Bambiala Twitter? Or do you see nothing wrong with it? Sound off in the comments!

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

The post Yes, The Nigerian Government Really Just Begged Elon Musk For Ventilators On Twitter appeared first on Zikoko!.

Make-up is good. But this is only when it is done right. In our journey up and down Buhari’s internet, we found some make-up photos by Nigerian make-up artists that deprived us of sleep. We know our eyes cannot behold this alone, that’s why we are sharing them with you too. We are in this together, dears.

1. Why this?

I’m guessing the other bridesmaids used a different make-up artist, because they don’t look as depressed as the bride does.

2. Without mincing words, this is what is called a “face beat.”

Because her face was actually beaten with make-up. I mean, look at those eyebrows.

3. Golden girl.

Why are the eyebrows highlighted that way? Just why? Some make-up artists no dey try oh.

4. This better be practice sha.

Because if you do this to my flower girl, best believe I will off cloth and fight.

5. Bridezilla.

Why are some Nigerian make-up artists like this, please? Why evils?

6. Now what is this?

And why is the wig so far on her head? Why is everything so wrong in this photo?

9 Women Talk About Dating Yoruba Demons

7. If 2020 was a make-up…

This is the point where you tell the bus to drop you because you’re no longer going.

Are you a Nigerian make-up artist? Here are some things Nigerians want you to stop.

1. Changing the shape of your clients’ lips.

2. Stop making your clients look terrible in the ‘Before’ pics.

3. Stop your transformation agenda.

4. In case you did not hear the first time.

Tell us, ladies, what is your worst experience with a Nigerian make-up artist?

Have you read this? 15 Times Funny Toheeb Messed Up Our Favourite Celebrities

The post Nigerian Make-up Artists Are Wilding And We Have Proof appeared first on Zikoko!.

As a grown adult woman there are a lot of awkward scenarios you would have to wade through on your path to becoming. One of such is introducing your boyfriend to your parents. The stricter the parents the more awkward and delicate the entire thing becomes.

Here is our guide to helping you slay this feat.

1. Consult your family’s constitution to make sure you are of the right age

First of all you need to make sure that it is the right time to take this step as dictated by the rules of engagement in your home or better put- the constitution guiding your house. Just so we’re on the same page, this constitution is the one signed by your father, co-signed by your mother and strictly revered by you and your siblings.

2. Then make sure your Boyfriends is ready to be introduced

This is the part where you start double checking to make sure you are not dating yourself. Ask him if he is ready for this yet. Don’t ambush your boyfriend into it or trick him into it. This has to be a scene he walks clear headed into.

3. Tell your sister/ any sibling first

Because she is your first team member in the house. You get bonus tips if she has done it before if not you will still need the moral support. She’ll be there to jump in when conversations get awkward or the silence gets awkward or anything gets awkward.

4. Chip it to the parent you are closest to first

This is for extra moral support and to have them relay the news to the other parent.

5. Give your boyfriend a mini lecture on your family so he comes prepared.

You need to give him a mental tour of how your family works. Think of it as giving him a heads up as to what to expect and a lecture on topics to avoid.

6. Wear your Sunday best

Yes, you need all the right impressions you can make. A good choice would be an outfit that expresses the home training your parents deposited in you. This is the time to wear what your dad would have picked and accessorize it the way your mum always wishes you would. Hopefully that looks good too.

7. Prep your family on what to expect first

Give your family a little background about him like where he is from, what he does for a living, what he looks like, what you love about him and all the good things about your relationship. This will also make the conversations they have with him less of an interrogation and more of an interaction because they’ll already know a bit about him.

8. Send us a mail about how it went

Yes girl! Let us know how it went down. It’s only fair seeing as we helped you work through it. Send a mail to Blessing@bigcabal.com to give us the tea.

Have you read what 9 women told us about dating Yoruba Demons? You absolutely should. Please let us know your review here.

The post The Zikoko Guide to Introducing Your Boyfriend To Your Parents appeared first on Zikoko!.

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There’s so much new music being released that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to wade through the trash to find the gems. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a daily series that features new songs, by and featuring Nigerians, that you absolutely need to hear.

For years, the talented producer, BankyOnDBeatz has been bringing out the absolute best in all the stars he’s worked with — an impressive list that includes Niniola, Lady Donli, Tomi Thomas and more.

Now, he’s teamed up with frequent collaborator, Muyiwa for a brand new project, Hard Guy — a 6-track EP that thoughtfully documents the aftermath of a painful breakup.

The standout track off the conceptually impressive record is “Island Fire”, an afro-house banger that finds Muyiwa singing about trying to escape the pain he feels.

The post #BumpThis: BankyOnDBeatz & Muyiwa’s “Island Fire” appeared first on Zikoko!.

Granted, dating is the most complicated adult game invented. Yes, there’s chess and 3D chess but trust me when it comes to unnecessarily confounding technicalities, plot twists and plot turns dating easily takes the lead.

Owing to this fact naturally people would seek dating advice from supposed experts and rule books. We understand that, but we also need you to know that as you take in advice there are 4 sources you should not consider.

1. Romantic Novels

Romantic novels are for teenagers who want to get unsupervised insight into adult romance. Not adults who need guidance on building a relationship. When you become an adult you realize that they are a scam. Every male protagonist is the same man with a different name and hair color. And the female protagonists are all the same with different hair and eye colors. So predictable.

2. Nollywood Movies

The world is moving on and becoming more progressive but Nollywood is still consistently and diligently dishes out story lines steeped in archaic gender profiles. If you’re going to date in 2020, you need references from a source whose source is not the 1800’s.

3. Hollywood Movies

Hollywood might be more socially advanced, but they are too dramatic. Love at first sight, one soulmate per person and the relationship arch where they almost break up but one last dramatic gesture saves the day only belong in movies. Best believe; real life hits differently, taking dating advice from hollywood would be a recipe for disaster.

4. Zee World

Hollywood might be dramatic but you see Zeeworld? The dictionary won’t tell you but they are the reason the word “dramatic” was coined. The overstating of the obvious, the needless slow motion breaks and the ridiculous story lines should be enough of a warning.

While you are here we would like you to know what you think of our “What She Said Series“. Be nice and drop your review here.

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While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name.

Go ahead:

The post QUIZ: Do You Know African Countries & Their Capitals? appeared first on Zikoko!.

In January, NYSC allowance was increased to 33,000. For a lot of Nigerians, this was seen as a major change from the previous allowance of 19,800. We spoke to 10 corpers about how they spend this allowance: their expenses breakdown, bill payment, savings plan. The answers are enlightening.

Abayomi, corper in Ibadan.

When the alert comes in, I transfer 15k out of it for savings. It remains 18k. Then I remove 2k for my contribution to house cleaning, electricity bill, and the rest. I take 5k as my transport fare to PPA and weekly CDS for the whole month. 7k goes for food stuff, and 4k for things like sachet water, soft drinks and the likes. State allowance is 5k, and that covers data. I like flexing, but I have not flexed since I moved to Ibadan for NYSC. That was in December 2019, nearly five months now. I miss it, but I have adjusted to the situation. I know it’s temporary.

To me, the allowance is not enough, but at least it is better than the previous 19,800. This 33,000 has reduced my worries of how I will sustain myself. And I commend the federal government for that. Besides, if they pay us 50k or 100k, our needs will still increase and we will complain that it is not enough. I plan to save 200k by the end of my service year. It’s 5 months now and I am 25% close to achieving this goal. I believe I can do it.

Tunmise, corper in Port Harcourt.

I don’t even see the 33k most of the time. About 80% of it belongs to Ope from Cowrywise. The rest is donation/upkeep money for other people. My savings budget is for end of the year, not end of NYSC. I want to go to Bali. That costs about 600k. And I want to have money when I come back, so I’m targeting about 1m or thereabouts. So far, I’ve saved about 250K.

Temitopeoluwa, corper in Lagos state.

Let me break it down for you:
53k enters my account monthly. 33k from federal government, 20k from PPA.
Tithe = 5,300.
Offering = 1,500
Transport = 8,000
Other transport fare (Saturday rehearsals and SAED trainings) = 4,000
Cash sent to parents = 5,000
Subscription = 1,000
Recharge card = 1,000
Sanitary pad = 750
Total = 26,550 – 53,000
Grand total = 26, 450.

I planned to save 10k every month, but so far I’ve been able to do 5k each because of the debts I owed. I should have a lot more than this, but I’ve been payng debts since. This past March, I paid 20k for SAED training. And my first allowance went to my parents and siblings. It was hard to do, but I did it anyway. Actually, it went to my parents who told my siblings to call me for their own share.

My total plan is to save at least 250k at the end of NYSC. Right now, I have 20k. Where there is life, there is hope.

Maryam, corper in Ibadan.

When I receive the alert, I send 10k home. That leaves me with 23k. From this one, 15k goes to foodstuff, provision and toiletries. I make stew every Monday that will sustain me for the whole week, and then I take out my transport fare. Everyday, I spend about N150.

I plan to save about 50k at the end of service year. The state government has started paying me, so I should be able to save 5k monthly. Yes, the NYSC allowance is not enough, but then again, no amount can ever be enough to satisfy human need. Besides, saving isn’t important if you have important things to do with money. In life, anything can come up, you know? I’ll try to save, but if anything serious comes up (and I mean something very serious), I won’t hesitate to spend the savings.

Ire, corper in Ogbomosho.

I’m able to save and manage my expenses. 33k from the federal government and 8k from my PPA. That’s 41k per month in a remote village. Technically, I’m doing well. I don’t send money home, but they send me money when I exhaust my budget. My goal is to save above 100k at the end of this NYSC. Right now, I still have about 70% to go.

Favour, corper in Ibadan.

When I started NYSC, I had plans of using the allowance I receive in the first three months for settling down and all other things. Now that I’m settled, my NYSC allowance does not last at all. In 6 hours, I have spent it all. I use 15k for food, 10k for necessities, and the rest for flex. All of my savings is based on my PPA allowance. That one is 40k. I save half from it and I depend on it to carry me till the next pay day. On a regular, I have about 10k in my account to hold body. Nobody sends money to me from home, but I sometimes send money home.

At the end of NYSC, I hope to have saved 200 – 300k. I haven’t started, but I have it all mapped out. In the remaining 7 months of NYSC, I’ll save 40 – 50% of my income per month. I am confident that I can do it. The first 3 months has given me that confidence. And besides, you please to displease. Everything works together.

Toluwani, corper in Lagos.

Well, I save 10k. It remains 23k. Food, clothing, transportation, outing, miscellaneous to work monthly and other things, those ones take roughly 15k. Data takes at least 8k monthly. That’s how it works. Not enough, but we have to work with what we have, right? Anything I earn from my PPA goes to payment of debts and completion of other projects.

Every week, I have ordered Cowrywise to deduct N500 from my account. I am saving for an iPhone 11. That’s 300k. So far, I have saved 30k. My plan is to save 100k and steal the rest. When the judge hears my story, he will show mercy. Okay, that’s a joke.

I’m still very far from my goal, and sometimes too, I just tell myself that I have only 1 life. If I die, I die, why not just spend? Besides, once this Corona is over, a lavish YOLO (You Only Live Once) attitude will pop up. Savings about to be spent since we didn’t die. Funny thing is this: I might end up chanelling my savings for something else. Something like a driver’s license, because I need that too. I’m also likely to save more than I expected and that’s why I have a realistic figure in mind in case the worst comes to worst.

Funmbi, corper in Abuja.

Lmao. My 33k doesn’t spend 2 days in my account. Data takes 15k per month, the remaining I use it for food. I serve in Abuja and I buy lunch everyday at work, plus I eat at night. I save my PPA salary. That’s 30k. They don’t send me money like that from home. In January, my dad gave me 40k and that was it. Abuja is expensive, so I slay on a budget and I don’t go to places I cannot afford. Also, here and there people dash me money. A regular dash is about 5 – 10k. I have plans to save after NYSC, but right now I’m saving up to use the money for something. Maybe when that is over, I’ll consider something else.

How Did You Survive NYSC Camp? 11 Corpers Share Their Stories

Hasssan, corper in Ogun state.

Each time the 33k enters my account, I save 20k out of it. The remaining 13k goes for fare and food. Flex money comes from my other source of income. They stopped sending money to me since 2012, but I send money home to my siblings. I do this occasionally, and based on their requests too. I plan to save 200k upwards at the end of NYSC. Right now, I am at 104k. That’s because I had help from side hustle. By the end of service, I should have reached my goal.

Firdaws, corper in Jigawa.

I save 10k monthly from my allowance, send 15k home and take care of myself and miscellaneous stuff with the remaining 8k. Sometimes, I end up spending 4 – 5k from this 8k, while I save the balance. I have two bank accounts: my personal account and the NYSC account that we opened in camp. I do my savings in the NYSC account. As soon as I got the ATM card, I just threw it somewhere. My plan is to save 140k by the end of NYSC. The state pays 5k monthly and I don’t touch that. I have calculated it: by October when service ends, I will have 100k from the federal government and about 50k from the state government.

It pays to be a village corper, I tell you. I don’t have to spend unnecessarily, and foodstuff happens to be cheap. The foodstuff I bought in January just finished two weeks ago. You can say that it’s because I’m the only one eating my food, that’s not a lie. I hope to buy another foodstuff that will last me till June/July.

There’s a lot of discipline needed though. If I don’t have budget for anything, I don’t spend my 8k for miscellaneous stuff. As at now, I have 30k in my savings account. It wwould have been 45k, but I spent 15k on a new phone. Gradually, I know I will reach my goal.

Here’s something we think you’ll like: 7 Types Of Graduates You’ll Find In NYSC Camp

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I can’t keep calm. Season 4 of Money Heist is out and that means that the weekend is going to be lit. Halleluyah! I can finally get off social media and find some hours of fun and heightened excitement.

I don’t know about you, but I have been waiting for this day for a long time and I am glad I lived to see it amidst the ending of the world.

The other day, I was going through Reddit and I saw some of the funniest memes about Money Heist and I stored them to always remember and laugh. However, seeing as there is a new season out today and I am in a sufficiently good mood, I decided to bless you guys.

Some are funny, others relatable, but all of them remind me of why it’s such a great show

Let’s start:

1) Tokyo!

2) It really is a drug.

3) Me throughout the night.

4) No lie was told.

5) Hate hate hate hate that man.

6) I really can’t kill myself.

7) That’s my jam.

8) Apt.

9) So annoying and frustrating.

10) That’s how star do.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

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“Why are you single” seems to be the new million dollar question for busy bodies and lifestyle detectives in Nigeria. Because silly questions deserve equally silly answers we’ve coined 5 bomb responses you can easily reach for the next time anybody asks you.

Why are you single? – Because nobody is worthy.

Yasssss, there’s a geng named “too fab for commitment” and I hold chair lady position so go figure.

Jesus is the only man for me.

Jesus is the only man I need. And I hope you know he sacrificed his life for me so our bond is pretty tight.

I am actually waiting in line for your boo. So let me know when it’s over.

This is for the people in relationships who keep badgering you about your single status. This response will put an end to their badgering and most likely your friendship with them too. Which would probably be a good deal.

Oops, nobody told me it was against the law to be single.

People be acting like staying single is a known way to break the law. Well i’m single so sue me.

Why are you so obsessed with me? Don’t you have a life to live? What’s the obsession with mine about?

For the nosy people who have a trouble with minding their own business.

My soulmate is still stuck in traffic somewhere in the world. I was even planning on borrowing yours while i wait.

I actually ordered for a boyfriend but the package is still in quarantine. Which store did you get yours from?

Since silly questions are now the order of the day.

While you’re still here we need you feedback on our “What she said” pieces. We know you love them and we would love a review from you. Click here.

The post 7 Best Responses To The Annoying Question “Why Are You Single?” appeared first on Zikoko!.

Self-isolation has glued us to our internet more. And above other things, this means a lot of Youtube videos. Yes, they are very enjoyable, but can Nigerian Youtube vloggers please stop doing these things?

1. Higuyzwelcometomychannel!

What they are saying is this: “Hi guys. Welcome to my channel.” What we don’t understand is why they can’t say it like all normal people.

2. “A lot of people have been asking for my skin care routine.”

Who are these people? Certainly not me

3. Cooking channels with ingredients that you can’t find in a Nigerian market.

Darling, I live in Egbeda and I watch your channel. Where in Egbeda will I find Chicken risotto periperi?

4. Making videos out of something very ordinary.

Ordinary means a lot of different things to different people, but imagine spending your expensive data on a YouTube video where the vlogger simply is singing Nigerian anthem or maybe washing plates. Nne, if I wanted to listen to the national anthem, I will sing it to myself. And I can wash plates by myself. Do you realise how much a data bundle costs now?

5. Ameri-British accent with a tint of Ojuelegba razz.

Yes, some people have accents. But those who don’t have an accent should please stop faking it. Just be you. It would be fun to hear a real Nigerian accent. Honestly.

How well do you know African countries and their capitals? Take this quiz to test your knowledge! Do You Know African Countries & Their Capitals?

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There’s a lot of mystery surrounding why women cheat in relationships. To help broaden humanity’s scope of knowledge we decided to conduct a study using the most logical tool of all time- by simple asking the subjects.

And here’s what 7 women told us about why they cheated.

Lilian, 23: “I wanted something different”.

I just wanted something different. I was already dating my current boyfriend for a while and but we slipped into a routine that was beginning to bore me. I just wanted a different kind of sex I guess, and attention.

Jennifer, 26: “I did it to get back at my boyfriend“.

I’m not proud of it. But I did it to get back at my boyfriend because he was cheating too. And the sex turned out to be so good I couldn’t stop.

Jasmine, 25: “I just wanted to”.

I just wanted to, probably me being adventurous. But it did not end in praise sha. 

Ivie, 29: “I stopped investing in one person”.

I cheat all the time because I stopped investing all my emotions in one person. It always ends in heartbreak, so why not catch fun.

Ada, 26: “I wanted to be spoiled”.

I wanted to be spoiled. My boyfriend at the time knew nothing about making a women feel special. But I loved him because he was smart and ambitious. Although sometimes it felt like he was numb to my emotions. Then I met someone else who was willing to give me the baby girl treatment. Of course I was not going to deny myself the pleasure.

Ij, 22: “Distance was taking a toll on me”.

Distance was taking a toll on me so I just found myself doing it. But i stopped before it ruined my relationship. Besides, long distance relationships are too stressful. And it hits harder if the relationship did not start as one.

Hi there, we need your review of our What She Said column. Be a darling and drop it here please.

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There’s so much new music being released that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to wade through the trash to find the gems. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a daily series that features new songs, by and featuring Nigerians, that you absolutely need to hear.

Odunsi — “Decided” ft. Tems

Every song Odunsi (The Engine) has released since his career-defining debut, rare. has been undeniably solid. His latest effort, the Tems-assisted “Decided” is no different.

On the honest and deeply moving track, Odunsi sings about his non-existent relationship with his father and how that affected him in ways he never even realised.

Tems, who opens the track and handles the chorus, is a marvel, stealing the show with her powerful and emotive voice. It’s a stunning collaboration between two of our most exciting young stars.

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