Growing up as a Nigerian, there were very few career options to aspire to, unless you wanted your parents to kick you out. So, we’ve created a quiz that can guess what your younger self hoped to become, whether it was a doctor, a pilot or a lawyer.

Take and see if we got it right:

The post QUIZ: What Did You Want To Be When You Grew Up? appeared first on Zikoko!.

Come prove your parents didn't waster money on your school fees.

The post Can You Get 9/9 In This Simple Spelling Test? appeared first on Zikoko!.

One of the best and worst things technology has dashed us is online shopping. On one hand, you had that cute top you were eying delivered to you in 2-3 business days and on the other; the remainder of your salary is sitting pretty in an Instagram vendor’s account and it’s only the second week of the month.

Online shoppers go through all the feels, here are some of our favourites:

Opening the website and immediately making the ‘low to high’ selection.

How you close the page when you’re looking to buy a shirt but the prices start moving from single to double digits.

How you search for promo codes when you’re determined to shop that month.

Switching the site from Pounds to Dollar pricing because ₦459 to one Pound gives you bad vibes.

When the flesh is willing but $100 for one T-shirt is not.

Your saved items looking at you after you said you were going to pay for them two months ago.

The post 7 Feels You’ll Relate With If You Have An Online Shopping Addiction. appeared first on Zikoko!.

Welcome to the daily Ultimate Love recap. Ultimate Love is the hottest reality show in town, and we’ll be giving you all the gist complete with the drama, the awwns and the ehyas. Stick around!

Yesterday, I gave you all the information you need to know about Ultimate Love. Today, I’m giving you all the details about the guests.

But first, the opening ceremony:

The evening started off with Dakore and Oluwaseun introducing the 16 Love Guests and Aunty Adesuwa to viewers. Each love guest had a family member at the opening ceremony, who had parting words for them. From Theresa’s mother who told her daughter not to have sex in the house, and Jenny Koko’s dad who told her to keep her morals in the house, I’m afraid we have on our hands on women who’ll be doing too much not to disgrace their families.

The BBN house was revamped and redecorated to be used as the Love pad. The men and women have seperate rooms, but the way I’m looking at it, these ones will soon scatter the arrangement and start cohabiting. 

First Task

The evening started off with a speed dating task, but some love guests confused me totally. Kachi was advertising the scar fading cream he sells to potential bae and Obichukwu was discussing family foundation issues with babe. It’s called speed dating for a reason dears, it’s not that deep.

Iyke and Theresa appeared to be really compatible and people rooted for them, short term and long term. (stay with me guys, I have a surprise for you).

Bolanle didn’t waste any time with Arnold at all. My Yoruba queen started shooting sharply, because, you snooze you lose. She asked one of the most important questions first – genotype. She then ended their speed dating by asking Arnold if she could call him. Are you guys learning? 

Temporary pairing for 24 hours 

After the speed dating, the ladies were to pick their male partners for the next 24 hours; each couple got matching brooches.

Bolanle picked her partner first, she picked Arnold. I told you this babe is sharp. Their fans are now looking for a cute name to give the relationship. Barnold? Bolanorld?  Bolarn? What do you guys suggest? Once this is sorted, we might move to aso-ebi colours.  

Back to Theresa and Iyke, sigh. Theresa picked Obichukwu, a business man that wants a woman that will understand him beyond love, which left a lot of Theresa and Iyke stans disappointed. Anyway, this is temporary, so there’s still hope for Theresa and Iyke.

Chris picked Jay. Chris is a woman, by the way. Her mother called her Ada at the opening show, but she prefers Chris, because it’s manly – her words, not mine. Interesting thing about Chris: she has an accent that’s left viewers confused.

Rosie picked Kachi. She’s looking for a man that can pamper her more than her dad does, and a man that can leave his work to sit with her while she gets her hair done. I worry for Rosie though, because the men in the house are looking for women that can hold things down in the house, while building their empires and conglomerates. 

Remember that Theresa disappointed us all by picking Obichukwu, instead of Iyke. Well, Theresa is not doing us because Ebi picked Iyke. We’ll see how that goes.

JennyKoko, who, by the way cried because she misses daddy chose Loius

Nkechi picked David Wilson; they’re taking things slow, but I think they’re feeling each other. Again, this is all temporary, so time will tell.

This Morning

Make up all gone, I almost didn’t recognise Chris and Bolanle this morning. But moving on to more important gist:

Aunty

Aunty was at the  love pad very briefly this morning. I know that the show has barely started, but aunty be doing too much already. She’s there to help them find their perfect partner by offering experienced advice and all that, not act as a chaperon to men and women mostly in their 30’s.

Anyway, Aunty won’t be back in the house until wednesday. Ope oh!

Progress Report on the 24 hours Pairing 

Bolanle and Arnold are getting to know each other, and they’re moving pretty fast. They are talking about each other’s family, early childhood, etc.  It’s looking like they are ready to die on each other’s matter in this love pad. I’m not seeing the problem though. I hope they get paired together again, long term.

Theresa is still very much interested in Iyke; this babe used scope to drag Iyke out of the room while he was in the room with Jenny Koko. She was sha able to finesse a compliment or two out of the poor guy. Theresa, you’re not sleek, okay? As if that’s not enough, she isn’t connecting well with the partner she chose. You can’t connect dear, you left the person you connected with the most.

Iyke and Ebi finally talked. I don’t know if Ebi is feeling Iyke but Iyke is clearly not feeling her. Homeboy keeps following Theresa. The heart wants what the heart wants. 

Nkechi and David Wilson aren’t doing badly. Two quiet people moving at their own pace.

Meanwhile Louis would rather be a third wheeler than put effort into knowing Jenny Koko, his partner.

The Love Guests made a roaster for cooking and cleaning. The roles aren’t gendered, they will all be involved in cooking and cleaning equally. 

Feminists – 1 Patriarchy – 0

Weekly task

They have a task for this week already, and it will be presented at the festival night on Saturday. As a BBN veteran, I’ll miss the Saturday night parties, but I can’t wait to see what the festival is like.

Every day at 5 pm, we’ll publish a new update on this show – complete with the drama, the awwns and the ehyas. Stick around!

The post Ultimate Love: The Guests Are Here And Here’s What We Think appeared first on Zikoko!.

It’s that time of the year again. Where single people are stressed tf out and partnered people do the most. It’s Valentine! yay.

The best capitalist holiday that was ever invented to make sure we compete against each other and are all perpetually anxious. The most successful propaganda ever pushed apart from Christmas. Shall I continue with my conspiracy theories?

As usual, everyone is competing for who can give the best gift for Valentine. However, no one wants to be the person that gives the terrible gift that ruins a possible fruitful relationship.

So, what are some of the possible gifts that can get you hate instead of love?

Let’s begin:

1) S.T.I’s:

You don’t want to be the person that shares an exotic disease to your partner after a beautiful night out. Part of the gift set on that day should be a visit to the hospital to get tested. You need to be absolutely safe out there.

2) Pregnancy:

Unless you are actively looking for a baby, don’t do it. I understand that the temptation and excitement of the day can push you but don’t do it. Use protection especially if you are young and broke. Kids are expensive.

3) Gym subscription:

This is a very tricky gift to give someone as they may get the wrong impression that you are calling them overweight. Only in cases where they actually ask for it should you do this. Do not allow it to end in tears.

4) Hair removal cream/razor:

Good luck trying to explain to your girlfriend that you aren’t implying that she’s hairy with this gift.

5) Thoughtfulness:

For goodness sake, buy an actual gift that represents your special relationship with the person. In this case, the thoughts don’t count. Only actions. If it isn’t expensive, it can at least be a very thoughtful gift.

The post 5 Absolutely Terrible Valentine’s Day Gifts To Give Your Partner appeared first on Zikoko!.

There’s so much new music being released that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to wade through the trash to find the gems. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a daily series that features new songs, by and featuring Nigerians, that you absolutely need to hear.

Crayon — “Kpano”

Last year, Mavin Records introduced us to two exciting new stars, Rema and Crayon. While Rema ended up getting most of the attention, Crayon still rallied, delivering a solid EP, Cray Cray and one modest hit, “So Fine”.

Well, the talented up-and-comer seems set to make 2020 his year, and with his fantastic new single, the Ozedikus-produced “Kpano”, we think he is already on the right track to becoming afropop’s next big breakout star.

While “Kpano” is not as lyrically strong as the songs that populate his EP, it’s probably his most infectious effort. It’d be a real shocker if this party-starter doesn’t end up being one of the year’s biggest hits.

The post #BumpThis: Crayon’s “Kpano” appeared first on Zikoko!.

Unemployment in Nigeria has enough firepower to break the fiercest of spirits. There’s nothing as enervating as the job search process and all the baggage that comes with it. One minute, you’re sure your job is only an application email way, but life Nigeria has other plans.

If you’ve ben stuck at home because you couldn’t get a job at some point, this is for you.

You, in your final year, fantasizing about the 150k starting salary job you’re sure you will get

Let’s get this money

How you look at your NYSC allawee

What insult! NYSC is a scam.

When NYSC ends and you start applying for jobs

Let’s do this.

But the ones you’re qualified for need you to have years of experience

But how now?

When you start applying for the jobs you’re not qualified for

Maybe. Just maybe.

You, every time you get a rejection mail

Not another one.

When you realise that the only friend you have is the guy that owns a kiosk on your street

What would I do without you, Mallam Isa?

When you get a rejection email for the job you were sure to get

Why is this happening to me, God?

When you spend your last cash to get you to an interview and it turned out to be a GNLD scam

Just kill me now

You, looking at the uncle who promised you a job after service

Shame. Shame. Shame.

When you realise that your CV is on major job platforms

Mad oh

When you’re catching up with friends and the only thing they are talking about is their job

People are scum.

When you finally get the congratulatory email

The post 13 Things Everyone Who Has Been Unemployed Know To Be True appeared first on Zikoko!.

Valentine’s Day is almost here, and there are only so many things that you could possibly do — from keeping yourself company to tensioning all your single friends with your love. So, we created a quiz that tells you exactly what that stressful day has in store for you.

Take it to find out:

The post QUIZ: How Will You Spend Valentine’s Day? appeared first on Zikoko!.

Let’s talk about sex, baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be

Specifically, all the things that can go wrong during sex (a.k.a The Devil’s Tango) because no one talks about them and some of them are so bad, they’ll send you and/or your partner straight to the E.R.

1) Fractured Penis:

If you’re a penis-haver, you know how this can happen. Your penis doesn’t have bones (so it can’t be fractured) but it can be bent real bad until the two tubes of blood that fill it during an erection rupture, causing swelling, bruising, and sifia pains.

2) Missing Condom:

Either it came undone during coitus like Naevia’s négligée in every episode of Spartacus’ first season and proceeded to get lost inside the receiving partner OR the heat of friction made it tear apart like a tyre being driven recklessly across gravel.

3) Accidentally choking someone to death:

If you trust a Nigerian to choke you during sex and they mistakenly crush your windpipe, killing you like that albino assassin in the Da Vinci Code, you deserve no one’s pity. Why? Because the average Nigerian is constantly frustrated. You should’ve known better.

4) An object that getting stuck up a place it shouldn’t be:

Like, butt plug, dildo, cucumber, 50CL soda bottle, pestle, medium-sized forest animal, etc.

5) Someone taking a shit in the heat of the moment:

Gworrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl!

6) Saying someone else’s name:

“Explain yourself, woman!”

7) Dirty Talk:

8) Pulling a muscle:

Who knew that skipping leg day would come back to haunt you mid-romp?

9) Too much teeth:

But it’s too late because now there’s a severed penis on the floor.

The post 9 Things That Can Go Terribly Wrong During Sex appeared first on Zikoko!.

2019 was the first year in almost a decade that Olamide didn’t drop a project. He chose, instead, to focus his energy on pushing Fireboy DML — the breakout star we first met on the rapper’s 2018 mixtape.

Now, with Fireboy’s position in the afropop scene solidified, Olamide has come through with a new EP, 999, which, like his last body of work, seems to be less about him and more about the rising stars he’s assembled.

On the 9-track project, Olamide introduces his fans to a new generation of rap talent, two of which he simply discovered on his Instagram Explore Page (Sosa-E and Jackmillz on the fantastic “Dancing With The Devil”).

The only other big-name star on 999 is Olamide’s frequent collaborator, Phyno, who is given a chance to flex alongside his gifted new signees, Rhatti and Cheque on the standout “Warlords”.

The most exciting new discovery, however, is Jayboi, who Olamide met at a hotel in Abeokuta. After freestyling for hours, he earned himself a spot on the EP, and he quickly shows why on the sexually-charged “Mojo”.

Bolstered by eclectic production work from Pheelz, Cracker Mallo and more, 999 solidly tackles themes around fame (“Rich & Famous”), generational wealth (“Billion Talk) and hustling (“No Time”).

While a lot of the songs on the EP are really impressive, the track that feels destined to be the biggest is “Wonma”, a radio-friendly banger that allows Olamide to reach his one-hit-every-other-month quota.

All in all, 999 is a solid and essential project from Olamide — one that serves double duty, both reminding us of his versatility as a rapper and his penchant for putting people on.

Rating: 7.5/10

The post On ‘999’, Olamide Passes The Torch To A New Generation appeared first on Zikoko!.

Why isn’t Valentine’s day a public holiday? It makes you wonder why Capitalists want to take our hard-earned funds without giving us time off from the grind.

Well, jokes on them because I don’t even have money like that. I was wondering, can you celebrate Valentine’s day without spending a lot of cash?

Well, the answer is yes. At least, I believe you can. It just depends on how you look at things. So, I came up with ways to ensure you celebrate on a budget yet still give your partner an unforgettable experience.

Let’s start:

1) Create a playlist for them:

Am I the only one that associates music with certain periods of my life? When I listen to some songs, I am transported back in time to specific moments in my life. What better way to imprint yourself on your partner by curating and sharing a playlist that tells them exactly how you feel about them? The best part is that it is relatively affordable.

2) Home-cooked meals:

“There’s rice at home” – Nigerian proverb.

The aim is to show love and you can have a cook in session together. Nothing screams romance like trying and failing at new exotic recipes together and then finally settling on eating indomie with egg. In addition, you can add a bottle of wine to step it down.

3) Bond in Lagos traffic:

Since conflicting schedules make it difficult to have heart to heart sessions, I recommend that you guys go home together on Valentine’s day. Use the terrible holdup to have that much-needed conversation and also make plans moving forward. It costs you nothing.

4) Hand-made gifts:

Nothing screams “I love you” like hand made anything. From cards to sewing clothes to even baking. Any gift that shows that you put in labour can melt even the coldest person.

5) E-books:

If the person loves to read, try to ask for a list of titles they have wanted to read for a long time. Should you choose to accept this mission, there are two ways to go about it:

Use sites like Okada books and Goodreads to buy the books at affordable rates and send to them.

*Looks left and right* use the backdoor like…

6) Games night:

If both of you agree to a quiet evening, then you could play cards, Karaoke, drinking games, PlayStation. Nothing too fancy or over the top. Anything that encourages bonding is good to go.

7) Quality time:

The main aim of this holiday is to spread love and many times this just means being there for the person. It could be simple as showing up for them at a work presentation, a hospital visit, a bad mental health day or just staying up at night over the phone to assure them that things will work out.

Giving someone the gift of time is invaluable and hardly any gift can top it because we all need love.

The post 7 Gifts Under N5,000 That’ll Make Your Valentine’s Celebration Look Priceless appeared first on Zikoko!.

Welcome to the daily Ultimate Love recap. Ultimate Love is the hottest reality show in town, and we’ll be giving you all the gist complete with the drama, the awwns and the ehyas. Stick around!

It’s Day 3 of 56 of the Ultimate Love reality show. Another round of speed dating took place today, but the love guests treated it like a job interview. Unlike the first time where the women picked first, this time, the men were asked to pick their preferred female partner. Here’s how it went:

1. Micheal picked Bolanle.

We’ll get back to how this is going in a bit.

2. David picked Rosie

For context, Rosie has been enjoying David’s company a lot. He is doing a good job in trying to bring her out of her comfort zone. Remember she said she’s looking for a man that can pamper her more than her dad does? Well, we just have to wait to see if he’s going to be able to pamper Rosie to her satisfaction.

3. Iyke picked Theresa

As the good Lord ordained. They’ve been spending a LOT OF TIME together. It’s pretty obvious he is smitten by her.

4. Jay picked Nkechi

Nothing much is happening, but at the very least, they are very cordial with each other. Some people though think that Jay is following Nkechi, or Nkechi is following Jay. Whatever the dynamics are, we’re here for it.

 5. Arnold picked Jenny Koko

The people who already picked aso-ebi for Bolanle and Arnold might have to return it, because Arnold isn’t feeling Bolanle like that. I apologise for misleading you, but it’s really Arnold’s fault. He made us believe he was feeling Bolanle, only for him to stylishly tell her he’s not that into her.  Sigh. Men will disgrace you.

6. Louis picked Cherry

The fact that Louis has spent more time with Theresa, than he has with Cherry since he picked her says a lot about that partnership.

7. Obichukwu picked Chris

LOL. These two can’t even be bothered to put in effort into getting to know each other since they got paired. They are really taking their time, Chris especially.

8. Kachi picked Ebi

Kachi is more interested in a business partner, and who to sell his fading cream to, and Ebi would rather spend time chatting with the ladies. They fit, seeing as they both act like they are not interested in what brought them to the house.

Expectations 

Expecting or hoping that the Ultimate Couple would get married after this game is totally unnecessary. It’s probably why the love guests (LG for short) are stuck up and handling the speed dating sessions like they’re job interviews. 

Movie Night.

The evening would have been a nice time for all the new couples to start bonding, but Aunty declared it movie night. The love guests weren’t exactly interested in seeing a movie, and a lot of them walked away halfway through the movie. 

The First Fight

Jenny Koko picked a fight with David shortly after the re-pairing. It was a silly fight over juice that’s free for all and in abundance. Makes no sense, so I won’t even waste your precious time on it. On to more interesting things like…

… Lights Out:

Iyke and Theresa were in bed together… gisting. Did I not tell you guys it was only a matter of time before they started cohabiting? I hate to be this person, but Theresa dear, mummy said no sex on international TV.

I wasn’t lying when I said Bolanle is a sharp babe — at least, she’s showing that to an extent. While some viewers were mad at Arnold for disappointing them, Bolanle carried her face for a few minutes before moving on with Micheal, her new partner. They shared a bed after light out and Micheal even sang Micheal Jackson’s Liberian Girl to her. Whew! Arnold could never.

It would have ended there if Bolanle didn’t send us some mixed signals: it might seem she isn’t ready to let go of Arnold, yet as she’s still giving him close marks, hoping he might get the memo that she’s really into him. If you think I’m lying, then you should see this:

Love Triangle 

I know we just praised Iyke for going for Theresa who he initially bonded with. In fact, we know that he is really into Theresa, but Theresa seems to be more into Louis. We can’t be sure though because any feelings for Louis did not stop Theresa from sharing a bed with Iyke. The conclusion is, we can’t really say who Theresa would fall in love with just yet; she’s showing interest in Louis, why refusing to let Iyke breathe. Is this the beginning of a love triangle?

We can’t help but stan; a young queen that won’t put all her eggs in one basket though:

Most of the Love Guests are still unsure of who they really like and who they’d love to be paired with permanently in the next two weeks, but that’s to be expected, it’s just been two days.

The love guests are working on their presentation for Saturday night, I can’t wait to see how that goes.

Every day at 5 pm, we’ll publish a new update on this show – complete with the drama, the awwns and the ehyas. Stick around!

The post Ultimate Love Day 3: New Pairs, Love Triangles, and Disappointment. appeared first on Zikoko!.

Valentine is coming. You have a partner, so what are you doing on that day?

I get it if you have no plans with your partner. It’s stressful to plan for anything, especially if you’re in University of Lagos where every second and every Naira count.

However, some of the special things in life require little to no planning. And we have decided to remind you of that and have compiled six things you can do with your partner this Valentine’s day without breaking the bank to have a memorable experience.

Shall we?

Have a picnic at Lagoon Front

Pack up some food and make for the lagoon front. Find a spot and revel in the cool ambience with an unobstructed view of Third Mainland Bridge in the distance. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can also go crab hunting.

See a movie or two at Ozone Cinemas, Yaba

Take a short trip out of the school gates to Yaba and Ozone Cinemas. Decide on what you want to watch, get the tickets, grab popcorns and some drinks and have yourselves some solid cinematic experience.

Get pancake at Pancake Hub, Yaba

Pancake Hub has a decent variety of meals, but they are best known for their pancake, scrambled eggs, and sausage combo, and this is exactly what you and your partner need to have a fun Valentine’s day.

Eat some ice-cream at Coldstone, Yaba

Find your way to the coolest ice cream joint in the area and satisfy your sweet tooth with their fresh collection of ice cream and sorbet.

Head over to the library and study together

The couple who studies together stays together. Show yourselves how committed you’re to each other’s growth and spend quality time studying together at the library.

Watch Zikoko’s Blind Date Premiere

We made a new show named Blind Date in which we sent a bunch of single people on an all-expense-paid date, interviewing them before and after they met. The first episode drops February 14 (Valentine’s Day) on our YouTube channel.

The post 6 Things To Do For Valentine In University of Lagos appeared first on Zikoko!.

Valentine’s day is coming. But rather than ask where your boy/girlfriend is or how lonely you’ll be, we’re going to remind you of simpler times. When Valentine’s day was less roses and chocolates and more another day in February or a casual slump in your monthly allowance.

Here’s how Valentine’s day has transitioned for Nigerians from years before up until now:

In primary 3, wondering why your least favourite English teacher was rocking red and white clothes in February.

Really appropriating Santa’s culture like it was nothing.

When you learnt about St. Valentine in JSS 2 and wondered why anyone would celebrate someone’s death like that.

Y’all are really getting nasty on a death anniversary?

When you lose a little weight in SS 2 because you were saving your lunch money to buy your boyfriend something nice.

Too bad you eventually caught him at the back os the senior block with his ‘female bestie’.

Was a valentine’s day gift even anything without a card to go with it?

The cringier, the better.

In university, when you learnt the art of breaking up with your girlfriend before Valentine’s to save money.

You did what you had to. (Doesn’t mean you don’t suck)

By Year 3, when your talent for hiking up fees and book prices is completed to cover Valentine’s Day.

It be like that sometimes.

Learning the important tool of unlooking as a corper, when social media blows up on social media.

You and who has money to buy a car as a gift for Instagram?

Pretending to want to go out on Valentine’s Day after a hard day of work and traffic.

When really, sleep is calling your full government name.

How has Valentine’s day changed for you growing up?

While you’re thinking on that, calm your nerves with our blind date trailer. The first episode comes out on Valentine’s Day, 2020.

The post Valentine’s Day Through The Ages. appeared first on Zikoko!.

Remember how they always pray that you will go from labour to favour? We have discovered how your NYSC khaki can make this happen. Grab a seat and learn at our feet.

1. People will be more disposed to help you.

The mindset is that you left your place of comfort to come to a strange land, so they are always willing to go the extra mile.

2. In one day, at least two people will offer to pay your transport fare.

This used to happen a lot during the time of N19,800 allowance. Now that the allowance has increased, the offer might reduce, but it doesn’t mean people won’t offer.

3. Your NYSC khaki can help you to get faster services in banks.

Just tell them that it’s an issue with your NYSC account and they will find a way to move you ahead. Ah, divine favour.

4. You can even get to Aso Rock to meet President Buhari.

On one condition though: You must write him a letter of appreciation in which you refer to him repeatedly as ‘Dear Daddy,’ and tell him that the corpers shed tears of joy when they received the increased allowance.

Did you catch our prophecy about the increased NYSC allowance? 10 Things That Will Happen Now That NYSC allowance is now 33k

The post Here’s How Your NYSC Khaki Can Take You Straight To The Favour Market appeared first on Zikoko!.

Back in secondary school, people starved for months just so they could use their pocket money to buy stupid gifts (or stage elaborate gestures ) for their then significant others. Tell me. How did those relationships turn out? Do you even still remember their names?

You didn’t expect to be shamed when you opened this article, did you? Well, sit back, relax, and grab a snack because there’s more on the way. Here are 5 valentine’s day gifts you most likely gave or received in secondary school.

1) A Card

Full of mushy heartfelt and sincere wishes written by some poor child in a Chinese sweatshop. All you did was write your name at the end and hope that the sentiments expressed in the card were enough to get you to second base.

2) Flower

Notice how I said “flower” and not “flowers?” That’s because they usually bought that single synthetic rose (you know the one) that smelled like camphor. Seriously, one strong sniff of those things was enough to instantly get you to Chernobyl-levels of cancer.

3) Perfume

Perfumes that were more water than fragrance and had the most insane packaging e.g. having the bottle be shaped like a woman striking a sexy pose and the cover be a giant flower, making the woman look like a distant relative of Toad from Super Mario.

4) Love-shaped picture frame.

The ones nobody could ever use because no photographer back in the day developed pictures that small.

5) Teddy Bear

They were hella cheap too so they always fell apart slowly over a couple of months like a poorly-built build-a-bear project. It was the thought that counted, though.

#ICYMI: We made a new show named Blind Date in which we sent a bunch of single people on an all-expense-paid date, interviewing them before and after they met. The first episode drops February 14 (Valentine’s Day) on our YouTube channel.

The post 5 Valentine’s Day Gifts Everyone Gave In Secondary School appeared first on Zikoko!.

There’s so much new music being released that it’s hard for even the most loyal fans to wade through the trash to find the gems. That’s why we’ve created #BumpThis – a daily series that features new songs, by and featuring Nigerians, that you absolutely need to hear.

Olamide — “Wonma!”

After Olamide went a whole year without dropping a project — an unprecedented move by the hard-working star — he’s finally come through with a new EP, 999.

While the project leans more into Olamide’s hip-hop roots than anything he’s dropped in a long while, he still makes room for a radio-friendly banger, “Wonma!”.

On the Cracker Mallo-produced track, Olamide sings about how difficult it is to satisfy a woman. Granted, it’s not the most thoughtful song on the EP, but it’s certainly the most fun.

The post #BumpThis: Olamide’s “Wonma!” appeared first on Zikoko!.

Guinness Nigeria is set to revolutionize the cocktail culture in Nigeria as World Class 2020 commenced with a media briefing recently in Lagos. 

World Class 2020 the world’s largest and most exclusive bartending competition, mixology education programme; which celebrates the skills and creativity of bartenders and introduces them to the latest cocktail-making trend.

World Class will bring bartenders across Nigeria, train them in the art of mixology and prepare them to contest on the global stage at the World Class 2020 bartender competition in Sydney, Australia this year. 

Speaking during the media briefing, which held at Z Kitchen, Victoria Island Lagos, Mr. Ikechukwu Agu, Head of Customer Marketing Spirits at Guinness Nigeria, said “Nigeria has seen a shift in its drinking trends over the past few years,” “More and more people are now appreciating fine and responsible drinking, which is the core of what World Class stands for.

He added that the initiative is about recognising and celebrating the craft and talent of bartenders around the world will have a positive impact on the alcohol industry in general and will serve as a career boost for mixology talents, while spreading the knowledge of the art and culture of cocktail-making among drinks enthusiasts .”

He mentioned that those who receive the World Class certification become synonymous with class, sophistication, impeccable service and creativity, and are true masters of cocktail-making.

 “If you see a venue displaying a World Class logo, you can rest assured that the service there is exceptional, drinks served are top-class, and bartenders are true masters of the art of mixology,” explained Mr. Agu.

World Class training with bartenders is scheduled for the 10th & 11th of February 2020 at NTYCE in Lagos, 17th and 18th of February at Sky Bar, Port Harcourt and 24th & 25th of February at The Dome, Abuja.

Regional competitions will take place on the 12th, 19th and 26th of March at Lagos, Port Harcourt and Abuja, respectively.

ABOUT WORLD CLASS:

World Class is the global Diageo bartender training and education program that heightens the craft of bartending and focuses on delivering exceptional consumer experiences. Since its launch in 2009, Diageo Reserve WORLD CLASS has been instrumental in transforming fine drinking and cocktail culture around the world. 

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Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure.

Take to find out:

The post QUIZ: How Much Of An Ajebutter Are You? appeared first on Zikoko!.

Nigerian parents seem utterly incapable of saying “sorry”. When they realise that they’ve messed up — specifically beating you like a criminal — they’ll try to apologise with everything from food to credit. Here are 13 of their most famous lines that really mean “sorry”:

1. “Have you eaten?”

Is that what is important here?

2. “Come and check if this shoe/shirt is your size?”

You’re lucky I like new clothes.

3. “…”

The silence is always deafening.

4. “I left food in the kitchen for you.”

Is food your solution to everything?

5. “Come and stay in the parlour.”

Hian! Is it by force?

6. “Go and take meat.”

I will go and take, but I’m still vexing.

7. “Do you have credit?”

Oh? Now I’m not pressing phone too much?

8. “How much is that thing you said you wanted?”

Something I asked for years ago.

9. “You are still crying?”

You beat me minutes ago. Yes, I’m still crying.

10. “So I cannot correct you again?”

Do you always use eba stick to correct someone?

11. “Is that why you’re squeezing face?”

Should I be shining teeth?

12. “Do you want more food?”

Do you want to kill me with food?

13. “It was for your own good.”

Na so.

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