1. That deep freezer full of stockfish and goat meat:

Probably 2 freezers sef, if there is space.

2. A stack of buckets nobody is using to do anything:

WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY BUCKETS?

3. Ghana-must-go bags filled to the brim with nonsense:

That thing you think you misplaced 5 years ago?  It’s inside one of them.

4. Old cans of paint no one will ever use:

For what ehn?

5. At least 3 fuel kegs because NEPA is an enemy of progress:

Can’t risk it.

6. Mattress for the relatives that come and “visit”:

“Visit” that turns into living sha.

7. Every broken gadget that has ever passed through that house:

AC oh, VHS player oh, EVERYTHING!!!

8. The dynamic duo of Nigerian foods:

As if we are storing for the Apocalypse.

9. That Christmas tree and dead Christmas lights that are older than you and your siblings:

Buy new ones ke? For what?

10. All your old textbooks and report cards from primary school to secondary school:

Because that 1999 Ugo C. Ugo might still be useful one day.

11. Old shoes they swear they’ll still wear, even though one leg is missing:

“It just needs polish.”

12. All the plates, bowls and umbrellas from all the Owambes they’ve ever attended:

And there have been A LOT of Owambes.

13. The special cutlery you only use during christmas and when really important guests come:

Not for you people oh, you’re not special enough.

So, basically EVERYTHING is in that garage except their actual car:

Our parents are special, abeg.

Nollywood keeps getting better and has been serving even more awesome movies. These days, the industry is impressing us with movies that tackle social issues in Nigeria.

In this forthcoming movie, The Arbitration, office affairs and rape were defined and heavily highlighted.

The Arbitration takes us through the romantic affair between Gbenga, played by O.C Ukeje, and his employee, Dara, played by the award-winning Adesua Etomi.

However, things go south when Dara sues Gbenga for rape shortly after her resignation from the company.

An arbitration panel which features Ireti Doyle at her best, is set up to investigate the truth behind the story.

Nollywood is officially our BAE for creating a movie which will definitely educate viewers on the definition of rape.

The Arbitration is set to hit the cinemas on August 12 but in the meantime, check out the trailer below:

1. This shuku made of iron sponge

Money cannot waste! Once she takes out her “hair” she has at least 3 sponges to use all around the house.

2. Charly Boy with this basket of weeds on his head

Almost like he tried to do pick and drop then forgot about it!

3. This Korede Bello’s weak looking “all back and base”

DoroDontDoItAgainPlease.

4. There is an actual zip in this hair. A zip

What was she closing? Why?

5. This young lady that used attachment to build firewood on her head

“I just want to take firewood with me everywhere I go”.

6. These young ladies went to Apapa Amusement Park and copied some of the rides for their hairdressers to create

The colours, the designs. EVERYTHING is a bad idea.

7. Welcome to Attachment Airways

Hop into her weave for a ride!

8. This shuku inspired by the tower of Babel

Reaching for the stars!

9. Here we have a babalawo’s mirror on top of “packing with gel”

It’s a no from us.

10. When ponytails are too mainstream and you go for horns instead

“I’m really going for the billy-goat look”.

11. This visual representation of the story in Genesis 1

“And then the snake said to Eve…”

12. This hair cap

He just wanted to be fashion forward. He failed.

1. The Nigerian tailor motto:

via @TheVunderkind

They will sha use you and practice.

2. This apt description:

via @IsimaOdeh

Is it a lie?

3. When you show them one thing but they see something completely different.

via @_tayo___

Hay God!

4. When you trust a Nigerian tailor.

via @Chidubem__O

I pity you.

5. How to speak ‘Nigerian tailor’:

via @Nexavierr

Add it to your vocabulary.

6. Every Nigerian tailor’s worst enemy:

via @rayeasy19

You go call tire.

7. When your tailor knows they will still do what they want.

via @Dikachim

You’ll manage it like that.

8. When they are ‘busy’ doing nothing:

via @iam_tomilade

We need answers.

9. The pre-excuse face:

via @DwinTheStoic

Brace yourself for the lies.

10. The official Nigerian tailor excuses:

via @YINGY_FLEMMMING

ALL. OF. THEM.

11. When you finally know their lies.

via @DerasVlog

I resemble ode, abi?

12. What would happen if superheroes had to work with them:

via @Shawnife_

E pele Batman.

13. When they are the reason you’re still single.

via @TheAfricanKoala

See my life.

The Classic Man is back with another single but this time, he came to serve Nigerian goodness.

Jidenna’s new single, ‘Little Bit More’ has an Afrobeats feel and you could totally jam to it at the next turn up you attend.

He made a fair attempt at speaking pidgin and even showed off some dance moves that looked really Nigerian.

The beautiful model in the video was also spotted slaying in a bikini from Andrea Iyama’s Finding Water collection.

Uncle Jidenna’s attempt at AfroBeats isn’t bad sha, watch the video below and let us know what you think in the comments section.

My parents are quite strict, so when I got to University I decided to really enjoy myself!

Time to let loose!

Going out late.

Fun times.

Eating what I liked when I liked.

Sweet food!

One day, one fine 300 level guy I had become friendly with asked me out.

Fine boy!

Me, on the outside:

Cool. Calm. Collected.

Me, on the inside:

OMG! OMG! OMG!

The day of the date I was so excited.

So excited!

I wore my favourite dress, highest shoes and looked like a bad ass.

Really feeling myself!

Everything was going great; the conversation, the ambience.

This is excellent!

After a while the waiter started walking towards us with our food.

Finally!

Out of nowhere, this man tripped!

HAYYYY!!

And I was covered in a shower of rice and stew, plantain and chapman.

I was wearing what I was supposed to eat.

My date had a blank stare on his face for about 3 seconds.

“What just happened?”

Then he started laughing!

Oh my God!

I was so embarrassed! And I think 2 grains of rice were stuck in my false eyelashes

Let the floor swallow me please. Its better!

I almost started crying but I had to hold it all in.

As per form big girl.

I didn’t even get a kiss goodbye from my date!

So I will stain his outfit with stew abi? No way oh!

Me whenever my friends suggest we go back to that restaurant:

So my shame can be complete abi? Useless people

1. When your friend gets engaged.

So exciting!

2. Then you remember that probably means you have to do bridesmaid wahala!

Ohhhhhhhh gosh!

3. When the maid of honour starts doing like class captain.

Madam better rest!

4. When they start calling funky colours you’ve never heard before.

You say glossy meringue abi? Very what? Very good!

5. When they call one funny hairstyle that will make your head look like egg.

“It’s a no from me!”

6. When you need to drop money for bridal shower, hen night and pre-wedding brunch.

How many wedding will you wed ma?

7. When you get more useless notifications from the wedding group chat.

If I leave the group chat now it will be like I’m rude.

8. When you’re in more than one bridesmaid group chat at the same time.

All of you should shut up!

9. When you see the aso ebi prices.

Is the aso ebi made of heavenly material?

10. When the bride thinks that bridesmaid means temporary housegirl.

My sister you’ve missed road oh! I’m not on seat.

11. When the group oversabi starts talking another thing again.

When will this one shut up for goodness sakes?

12. When the photographer starts calling useless poses for the wedding party.

Dab ko, dab ni.

13. When people start trying to hook you up with one of the groomsmen by force.

If you don’t gerraria for real!

14. When people start shouting your name to catch the bouquet.

Did I beg you people?

15. You and your fellow bridesmaids packing money being sprayed on the couple.

Exercise!

16. When it’s all over.

Peace at last!

17. When you calculate how much you’ve spent on the wedding.

HAY GOD!

18. When another friend gets engaged.

Again?

For the first time ever, Nigeria will be represented at the Olympics rowing event in 2016 by a resilient 23 year old woman.

But this feat didn’t come easy for Chierika Ukogu, who had to put off medical school for 2 years just to make her dream of representing Nigeria at the Olympics possible.

via Instagram

Despite not receiving any financial help from the Nigerian government, this Stanford University graduate funded her training and travel expenses through her full-time job and T-shirt sales.

via Instagram

However, with the Olympics drawing nearer, the need to train harder drove Chiereka to raise more funds via her GoFundMe page.

via Instagram

Although she was born and raised by Nigeria parents in the U.S, Chiereka is thrilled to be the first Nigerian athlete to row at the Olympics

via Instagram

What motivates her isn’t just her personal goal to be a great athlete, but also the need to promote sports in Africa and also inspire young people in Nigeria and the U.S.

via Instagram

We’re so proud of Chiereka! We wish her all the best and hope she brings all the gold home.

1. When you remember your mother telling you “beans will make you tall” but you’re still the size of bedside fridge.

Chai! All that beans I ate.

2. When your father told you to go and wear your shoes to follow him out and then drove off.

The pain is still fresh.

3. When you asked your parents for Game Boy and they got you:

ARE THEY THE SAME?

4. When your primary school told you they were bringing Barney and Father Christmas for the end-of-the-year party and brought:

Who are these ones?

5. When you finally came first and reminded your father that he promised to buy you something.

Ah! Is it like that?

6. When you ask your mother for all the money she has been “helping” you save.

“Have you not been eating in my house?”

7. When your mother told you that you’d see your agemates at the Owambe but you only see adults and toddlers.

The worst.

8. You, the first time you saw someone put stew on their jollof rice.

What is doing you?

9. Whenever you opened that icecream container you saw in the freezer.

THE DISAPPOINTMENT!

10. When your mother that beat you for lying told you to lie that she is not around.

Oh? It’s like that?

11. Whenever you opened those Danish cookies you saw in your mother’s room.

THE BETRAYAL!

12. When that shirt your mother swore you’d “grow into” is still not your size 10 years later.

See why I don’t trust people.

13. When your father just zooms past Mr. Biggs on the way from church.

If we don’t eat meatpie on Sunday, when will we ehn?

14. When your mother that said “let’s be going” an hour ago is still gisting.

Can we go oh?

15. When your mother that said “tell the truth, I won’t beat you” says “go and bring the cane.”

Na me mess up sha.

1. How you arrive at the wedding ready to fight for your souvenir rights.

Ready to die on the line if need be!

2. You trying to figure out the seat that increases you souvenir-getting chances

Maybe close to the exits so as they come in with the goods, they see you.

3. When you see the souvenir distribution mafia (a.k.a the aunties) coming.

Give me what you got!

4. How you make eye contact with souvenir mafia members:

I got my eyes on you ladies.

5. When an aunty walks past you with some souvenirs.

Hello ma how far?

6. When you realise there are different levels of souvenirs.

Some get iPad, some get bottle opener. Wowee!

7. When they give everyone on your tables souvenirs but not you because no aso-ebi.

Is it good?

8. When you wear aso ebi, the souvenirs keep coming like:

Because I am one of them!

9. When you have to choose between waiting for souvenirs or being on the dance floor.

Serious decisions!

10. When you see some people packing more than one of each souvenir.

Is that how you people used to do?

11. When you see souvenirs without owners on the table next to you.

All is fair in souvenirs and war!

12. When you can see people judging your souvenir hustle.

Please don’t use your own to come and spoil my own.

13. When you make eye contact with a fellow souvenir hustler.

Hello my fellow hustler!

14. You carrying all your souvenirs home:

“I didn’t even carry too many things oh. Just one or two items.”

15. How you feel when you got all the souvenirs available.

Success is me and I am success.

1. Mocheddah’s amazing henna.

via Instagram

2. This amazing hand tattoo.

via Ummie Lawal

3. This dramatic but awesome henna tattoo.

via Instagram

4. This gorgeous henna body art.

via Instagram

5. When an Edo bride slays with henna on her hand.

6. Just see how nice Waje’s hand looks.

via Instagram

7. This beautiful one that made her nails look even finer.

via The Henna Place

8. This gorgeous leg design.

via Instagram

9. Don’t you just love how simple and classy this design is?

via Twitter

10. This really extra back tattoo.

via Instagram

11. When the squad decides to slay.

via The Henna Place

12. This really cute elephant.

via Instagram

13. This really pretty flowery affair.

via Instagram

Instead of doing their translating work, these Nollywood translators were doing everything else:

1. This translator that did not sleep well before work.

2. The translator that is getting paid less than minimum wage.

3. The translator that did not eat before work:

4. The translator they are owing salary:

5. The translator that is on strike:

6. The translator that is looking for career change:

7. The translator that has just given up completely:

8. The translator that was distracted by chest and jacuzzi:

9. When the translator’s deadline is midnight and it’s 11:55pm:

10. This translator that failed spelling class:

11. This translator that is afraid to just say “single”:

12. The translator that was gossiping at work instead of translating.

13. This translator that would clearly rather start their own business:

14. This translator that got carried away with the parable:

15. This translator that REALLY needs to learn their work:

16. This translator that was watching Peak milk advert:

17. This translator that was busy reading Zikoko instead of doing their work:

1. “So you can’t greet!”

Nigerians act like the sun rises and sets by you greeting them first.

2. “Na wa for this our government sha!”

Once you mention this, people will begin to talk about their latest escapades!

3. “Essss fine girl!”

For some men, the best way to start conversation is to kiss their lips at you and shout. We’re yet to see who that has worked for.

4. “Abeg do you have change?”

No one that needs change ever has it; and it has started many a conversation.

5. “Ehen oh good morning oh!”

That “ehen” is an indication that there is more conversation coming after the greeting.

6. “Please oh, don’t be angry but …”

This usually comes right before a rude statement that will provoke you.

7. “Everything in the market has now cost!”

Nothing makes conversation flow like complaining about the economy going to hell in a hand basket.

8. “This sun/rain/harmattan na wa oh!”

Just like  English people, gisting about how hot, cold, rainy or dusty it is, will get people talking.

9. “My brother/sister how are you today?”

Whether or not you are related to them is unimportant. Talk-talk is about to commence!

10. “What is Buhari even doing gan sef?”

He is fighting kwarupshin and travelling oh!

11. Any newspaper headline in sight!

Especially when it has to do with corruption cases!

We were just minding our business on Twitter when melanin-popping Nigerian actress, Beverly Naya, came to share her experience at a restaurant in Lagos.

One day, as a pinging baby girl, she went to eat at one Lebanese-owned restaurant. Who no like better thing abeg?

To her surprise, the black waiters in the restaurant only served black customers while the Lebanese man attended to the the white woman.

via Beverly Naya

Instead of shouting, she jejely asked the Lebanese man to come and serve her, as per she’s not eating their food for free.

via Beverly Naya

Na wa o!

There shouldn’t be any form of segregation especially on our own soil.

1. “I have a religious event.”

“In my church we are doing 40 days fast so I cannot be near any man during that time. God bless you.”

2. “My parents don’t allow me go out.”

Meanwhile the parents in question are looking for who will come and collect the girl from their hands.

3. “Ah you should have told me before, I already made plans for that day.”

Yes. She plans to stay at home or anywhere that is not with the fellow that asked.

4. “I have a boyfriend.”

Dreams money can buy.

5. “I have many things doing.”

What does that even mean? Many things like what? Doing what?

6. “I’m not feeling fine and the doctor said I should not do anything at all”

Which Dr oh?

7. “My religion is against such things.”

“In the religion I’m practising they said if we go near any man we can fall down and die so it cannot happen.”

8. “I need to take permission from my spirit husband first..”

By the time he hears spirit husband the way he will fly away ehn!

9. “I’m really trying to find myself right now!”

Aunty where did you get lost?

10. “I’m not interested.”

Well it’s not an excuse but many babes will tell him “Uncle I don’t want! Come and be going oh.”

Sometime in July 2016, this video of a young Nigeria woman, Mayowa Ahmed, a sickle cell carrier, who is currently battling stage 4 ovarian cancer went viral. She was appealing to Nigerians to help save her life by donating towards the $100,000 needed for her treatment in Emory hospital, Atlanta.

Amazingly, less than a week after the video came up, Nigerians donated generously to the GoFundMe account opened in her name and the $100,000 goal was completed.

Mayowa’s campaign was so touching, controversial Nollywood actress, Toyin Aimakhu paid her a visit and even tried to cheer her up.

Also, Aramide Kasumu from Lifestake Foundation, an NGO in Lagos,  visited her and ensured her admission into LUTH.

Just when it looked like Mayowa was going to get a chance at saving her life, an unverified news source claimed the #SaveMayowa campaign was a scam.

According to this report, the doctors at LUTH said Mayowa’s life was beyond saving and the family simply took advantage of her sickness to cheat Nigerians.

This outrageous report made several Nigerians reach out to the family for explanation. And emails the family shared with representatives of some hospitals overseas were released.

They also shared Mayowa’s current medical status with Nigerians in a bid to clear their family’s name.

Her medical story shows how she became ill in 2015 and was misdiagnosed in LASUTH for almost one year. When her condition worsened, they contacted Emory Hospital in April 2016 and were asked to deposit the sum of $100,000.

According to the medical report, “Ahmed, Mayowa Shukura has been a known healthy HBSS patient from her early years and because we detected it early…. but after graduation she seemed to have more frequent cases of hospital visits with Ulcer being the diagnosis most times, we began to manage Ulcer in LASUTH. By July 2015, the ulcer as it was diagnosed, became worse as it had progressed from pangs to vomiting and stooling blood so frequently. At this point, our confident in LASUTH was not firm anymore because it just wasn’t working and we were not getting enough care so we tried another place- Isolo General Hospital as we knew a Management Doctor there. It was fine for a few days but then we went back to status quo.”

As if the rumours weren’t enough trauma, Aramide Kasumu and Toyin Aimakhu contacted the police and Mayowa’s brothers were arrested.

They both claimed Mayowa’s brothers refused to let them see Mayowa on July 27 and the family received more than the $100,000 funds they asked for. But they forgot to add how Nigerians continued to donate even after they announced they had reached their goal.

Following these claims, Mayowa’s family announced how plans to take Mayowa to the U.S changed.

Speaking via Bellanaija’s comment section, they explained how Mayowa needs to be stabilized in Dubai because of her critical health condition before further travel plans can be made.

In this video, Mayowa’s cousin, Habeeb, released this statement maintaining all their family did was just to keep Mayowa alive.

Although the account dedicated to raising funds for Mayowa has been blocked, Habeeb called out to competent legal trustees to help them handle the funds just to convince Nigerians of the sincerity of their actions.

Mayowa’s sister also denied all the allegations and shared how Mayowa is deeply saddened by the bad news circulating all over social media.

Addressing the issue, Lagos state Comissioner, CP Fatai Owoseni, has directed a full-scale investigation of the allegation.

Speaking to journalists from NTA, a doctor in LUTH denied saying Mayowa’s life was beyond saving.

But unfortunately, this drama has put Mayowa in more emotional stress in addition to her fragile health.

This story also shows how important it is to properly fact-check before spreading information.

It’s also important to remember that Mayowa’s condition is still delicate at this point. We hope she gets better soon.

Take note, Linda!

1. The pink party gone wrong.

She now added awful metallic lipstick to complete the horror.

2. Eyebrows gone wrong!

How thick can eyebrows get? This mama decided to find out.

3. Another pink horror!

Theory is one thing, the reality is another thing.

4. Colour me confused.

via NoWayGirl.com

A make-up representation of Joseph’s coat of many colours.

5. The great neon surprise.

What is that neon orange she coloured on top of her black eyeshadow? Why?

6. The V shaped brows.

Maybe she just wants to look really really really surprised.

7. The ghost of makeup fails.

Her foundation is in the shade “methylated powder”.

8. Colouring book: The Makeup edition.

Just coloured the eyes and lips jagga jagga anyhow!

9. Panda Bear Eyes.

The ojuju calabar smokey eye.

10. When everything goes wrong.

Powder – NO! Eyebrows – NOPES! Eyeshadow – Another NO!! Blush- Another NOPES!!

11. The case of the leopard print lips.

In what world was that a good idea?

12. These fantastically awful eyebrows.

So shame!

After going through so much and not even receiving financial support from the Nigerian government, the women representing Nigeria at the 2016 Olympics 4x400m relay event have been disqualified by the IAAF.

According to Complete Sports, the team got banned after one of the athletes, Tosin Adeloye, tested positive to a banned substance at the Confederation of African Athletics (CAA) Super Grand Prix/Warri Relays which took place in Warri, Delta State in July 2015.

As a result, Nigeria will no longer be represented at the 4x400m event even after the team came 4th during the IAAF World Championship in August 2015. All records of the team making the top list during the Beijing games have also been removed from the IAAF website.

In addition to being disqualified from the Olympics, Tosin has been banned for 8 years and also stripped of all the results she achieved individually or jointly.

While other members of the relay team will still take part in other events, it’s unfortunate that Regina George, one of the athletes that raised funds via GoFundMe, will not make the Olympics because the 4x400m race was the only event she was to participate in.

More attention should be paid to Nigerian athletes, so they are properly educated on the necessary regulations to obey and also the kinds of substances to be avoided.

So a few months after my 18th birthday I decided that I was now a big babe with mind.

I’m grown now and nobody can tell me what to do!

And so I made plans with my friends to go for a late night party.

No dulling!

I knew my parents would not allow me to go.

“Go to where? It’s like you are not okay.”

So I made plans with my best friends to sneak out of the house.

As per Jamesina Bond!

And be back in before 5:30 when my parents wake up.

No one would ever know!

The great day (abi night) came.

I dressed up in my “baddest babe in Nigeria” outfit.

Yasss!!

Made sure my make up was on fleek.

Very subtle look.

That’s how I got downstairs to the sitting room and saw my mother.

EWO!

But wait, there’s more oh!

Ahn ahn!

Her whole women’s fellowship was there, doing prayer meeting!

I am in big trouble!

I was there in my bad gang clothes and make up.

Which kind of explanation can I even try and explain?

Stammering and sweating…

“G-g-good afternoon I m-mean g-good evening ma!”

That was how I joined our church’s women’s group that very night.

Yes oh!

And ended up doing prayer meeting while my friends grooved the night away.

“Somebody say Amen!”

I also had to apologise to my mother almost everyday for six months!

“Plis ma it was devil oh!”

Any small thing “is that not how you wanted to do night waka waka?”

Ahn ahn!

“Children of these days have spoiled!”

Okay oh!

I wish I could say I learned my lesson…

For where?

I just learned to be more careful!

“I ain’t sorry!”