1. When she meets him for the first time and you ask her what she thinks of him, she’s like:

“He’s okay sha but to me he is somehow.”

2. Whenever he comes to the house and greets her, she’s like:

Ahn ahn!I thought you said you would be nice mummy!

3. When she is still trying to “introduce” you to a son of her friend.

I said I have a boyfriend ma!

4. When you say you love him, she’s like:

“You love WHOOOO?”

5. How you have to beg him every time he comes to visit and your mum descends on him:

“Honey she was just joking!”

6. When you tell her you are going out with him and then she suddenly has “urgent errands” for you to help her run.

What is all this one now?

7. When she starts subbing your relationship during morning devotion.

Is that what we are here for?

8. When you have problems at work and she find a way to connect it to your relationship.

Is that what we are talking about now?

9. When you have problems in your relationship, she’s like:

“My God is working!”

10. When you ask her why she is so convinced you must break up with your boyfriend.

So how come God did not tell me?

11. Whenever he sees her in public, he’s like:

Before she will use style to abuse him in front of other people.

12. When he breaks up with you because your mothers wahala is too much, she’s like:

“I told you that boy was a useless boy.”

1. You, chopping mouth during the school anthem until it’s time to shout…

That’s the only part you know.

2. When a Uniport babe sees a group of Nelson Mandela boys.

Just dodge them.

3. You and your guys, queuing up in front of Mama Abuja like:

THE BEST!

4. How TBD looks once exam time table comes out:

They will now come with pillow to “read”.

5. UPTH and “no bed space”:

All. The. Time.

6. How the Man O’ War in school saw themselves:

Always doing the most.

7. When you see couples loving up at Love Garden in Delta Park.

Don’t go and read your book.

8. How you queue to enter shuttle at Abuja park:

The worst.

9. When 4 different classes are holding at the Arena at the same time.

LCS struggles.

10. How people pray when it’s time to write basic or certificate exams:

It’s now that you remember God, abi?

11. Whenever you finish climbing the stairs at Ofrima.

Kuku kill me.

12. How 70% of the students go to town as soon as weekend reaches:

BYE!

13. When you see that old pastor between Delta Park and Choba preaching about hell fire.

Stop judging me.

14. How you hail pharmacy students that have managed to reach final year:

Na you oh!

15. When you see your guy that is owing you money eating at Emmatex or Sunnas.

This one must be mad.

This post is pretty hard to write because our beloved Nigeria did not impress us. Due to poor planning, Team Nigeria couldn’t slay in traditional outfits. We are only here for the laughs sha, and we saved the worst for last.

The Good:

1. The South Korean Team looking nice and preppy in Beanpole’s design is seriously the cutest thing we’ve seen at the Olympics.

These guys oozed cuteness.

2. This guy from Tonga only had to wear baby oil.

My oh my!

3. All we see is awesomeness with this perfectly tailored Team USA ensemble.

These Ralph Lauren boat shoes are the business!

4. Team Canada went for flawless street style swag, designed by Dsquared.

We half expected Drake and a flash mob to pop out.

6. Team Djibouti killed it with a simple cultural look.

Africans representing!

7. And here is Team Great Britain serving a very British look in Stella McCartney and Adidas.

Those sneakers are everything.

8. Team Cuba looked like money in Louboutin/Sporty Henri designs.

So very classy.

Although they wore parkas over that awesomeness at the Opening Ceremony.

Ahn ahn, why now?

The Bad:

1. Team Germany didn’t look so great wearing leggings under skirts.

Leggings bawo?

2. Team Italy could have done with more color, they looked really dull in Giorgio Armani’s all black designs.

Abeg whose funeral is it?

3. Looks like Nigerian tailors made Team Sweden’s ill-fitting skirts using ugly fabric.

We are not understanding.

4. Team China looked like a cold plate of tomato stew with the ugliest tie colors.

Those ties are a no-no!

5. We really like how cultural Team Indonesia looked, but the red and white blazer is giving us serious Ajinomoto vibes.

‘Maggi maggi!’

The Ugly.

We’re giving Team Nigeria the award for ‘The Ugly’ mainly because the outfits they were supposed to wear were beyond atrocious.

Chineke!

Thankfully, there was a delay in planning and the athletes had to wear available tracksuits instead.

Praise the Lord!

1. Yummy small chops

To hold your stomach before they bring the Jollof.

2. Spicy ofada rice and soft dodo

The one served in leaves only!

3. Crunchy chin-chin for whiling away time

In case the waiters are acting childish and still delaying your Jollof.

4. Jollof rice garnished with orisirisi

Because, no Jollof, no owambe!

5. Steaming amala and ewedu

With all the obstacles you can think of.

6. Fried rice that’s actually green and turkey

It’s okay to cheat on Jollof rice sometimes.

7. ‘Chinese rice’

Even if we don’t think this rice  is actually Chinese sha.

8. Yam pottage and stew

Oh my!

9. Fluffy pounded yam and egusi soup

The food to eat right before loosing your home training.

10. Cake slices

Even if the caterers share the cake like they want to carry the rest to their house.

11. 5 Alive

This one is for when they want to make a toast.

12. Ice-cold bottle of malt

To wash everything down.

13. Shawarma

In case you’re forming ajebutter.

1. When all your mates start developing and you’re still there looking like someone in primary 3:

How can I be looking like my classmate’s junior sibling?

2. How you beg God for puberty to slap you every day:

“FATHER FATHER EHHHHH!”

3. When you wear pencil dresses and look like an ironing board:

Na wa oh!

4. When your juniors have started developing but your own puberty is still loading:

What kind of shame is this?

5. When your mates are complaining about period pains and you join them like you know:

Lie Lie!

6. When your mates have moved to underwire bra but you are still wearing singlet:

One day sha, one day!

7. You researching “foods” that make you develop:

“Beans + pomo = developed body. Abi that’s what they said?”

8. When you hear of “one miracle cream” that will make your hips and breasts grow:

Woooooow!

9. When you consider gaining weight so the fat will at least make you look like something is happening:

How much fat will make sure I wear a bra?

10. When your mother wonders where all the tissue is going and you know the answer to that is your “bra”:

Oops!

11. When you have to change in front of people and your tissue-enhanced assets will be exposed:

I am done for oh!

12. When your own puberty finally starts and it is speeding away:

YASSSSSS

13. When your crush that used to ignore you now suddenly has your time:

My friend you better leave here!

14. When the puberty you were looking for will now not stop:

HAY GOD!

1. When you finally agree to follow your friend to their church and you’re enjoying the service.

YES LORD!

2. Then you now hear “if you’re worshiping with us for the first-time…”

Hay God!

3. How your friend looks at you when you refuse to raise your hand:

Will you get up, my friend.

4. When you finally stand up and the whole church turns to look at you like:

Fresh meat.

5. You, when they start singing “you are welcome in the name of the Lord…”

Well, this is awkward.

6. How all the old church aunties stand up to come and welcome you:

By force touching and hugging.

7. When they tell you to pack your bible and move to the front of the church.

Chai! What is it?

8. When they give you first-timers card to fill and you see space for phone number.

You will now be sending me text up and down like MTN.

9. You, waiting for the whole service to just do and finish:

JUST END.

10. When the service ends and you hear “all the first-timers please wait behind.”

Has it not finished?

11. When you’re expecting jollof rice but they give you CD of the pastor’s message.

Is this the refreshment?

12. You, when the welcoming unit asks “can we visit you sometime?”

Is it like that they used to visit?

13. When they start telling you about all their mid-week services.

It’s not me and you people oh.

14. When you’re leaving and they ask “will we be seeing you again?”

If the spirit leads, my brother.

This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50:

The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead. Clink the link below to learn more.

1. When you try to go out in an outfit your mother thinks is too short or too tight, she’s like:

“You might as well be naked! My friend will you go and change that rubbish!”

2. When you’re uninterested in cooking and she’s wondering why.

“Is this how you will be doing in your husband’s house?”

3. When she doesn’t like your boyfriend and you are still dating him.

Everyday she will use her advice and wise words to be torturing you in the house.

4. When your hairstyle or make up is too loud or crazy for her.

“Why do you like to do yourself jagga jagga like this?”

5. When you go to school and you only call her three times a week instead of twice a day, she’s like:

Hello ma, how many talk do you want us to talk?

6. When she doesn’t like your friends and you still hang out with them.

She’s usually right about them at the end of the day sha but still!

7. When you decide to stop following her to her own church/mosque.

Madam God is everywhere please let me go where I want!

8. When you stop telling her gist because you know she’ll use it against you later.

How can we be fighting because I’m not talking enough!

9. When your female cousins/friends come to visit and your mother starts comparing the both of you.

Be satisfied with what you have ma!

10. When you come home “late” which is any time after 7:30pm.

“You are now a nightcrawler abi?”

This post was inspired by Twitter user, @SirLeoBDaSilva.

1. Just look at the adorable little boy in this Pomo Rice ad.

2. This ad about the legendary Kanu ‘Papilo’ Nwanko.

3. This step by step Blue Band band ad that makes us miss primary school.

4. That time MTN decided to get us in our feelings.

5. When Gino Tomato Paste gave us serious family goals.

6. That time Kanu Nwankwo and his cute son were amazing in another Peak Milk ad.

7. When Baba Blue saved someone’s life.

8. This unforgettable Mimi Noodles ad.

9. When Falz slayed us in this really shady MTN Pulse advert.

10. When Panadol Extra made us understand the meaning of ‘Oga na master’.

11. This amazing ad that made us proud of our Nigerian culture.

12. This hilarious anti-malaria campaign.

1. When you are broke:

2. This subtle shade at igbo names:

3. The fear of MOPOL:

4. The Nigerian “wrong number” epidemic:

6. This Christmas curve:

7. The real use of Nigerian ovens:

8. Flavour’s accurate new name:

9. This valid concern:

10. This tweet about the “giant of Africa”:

11. This perfect Nigerianism:

12. This tweet about 50 cent:

13. This tweet that is as funny as it is sad:

14. This tweet about traffic in Nigeria:

15. When your boyfriend is an enemy of progress:

16. This I-Just-Got-Back’s story:

17. This tweet about Caitlyn Jenner:

So a few months after my boyfriend broke up with me, I bumped into him at a restaurant!

Oh no!

He was with one hot babe, looking happy and satisfied!

Can you imagine?

Meanwhile I had been crying day and night.

As if somebody died!

Eating every and anything edible.

Kai!

And generally behaving like the world had come to an end.

What is this world without love?

After seeing him looking so happy and satisfied I decided to change.

If he can move on, so can I!

So the first thing I decided to do was join a gym.

And become the hottest babe in Nigeria!

When I got there I saw so many men looking delicious.

Hunks everywhere!

I decided I must impress them by force, by fire.

Yes oh!

So first I spent some time stretching.

Before muscle pull would come and finish me on one machine.

Right after that, I got on a treadmill.

To run from my problems.

After a leisurely 3 minute stroll, I decided to increase the speed and incline.

Because I’m the baddest babe.

After 2 minutes and 11 second, I was like:

Hayyy I have entered one chance.

After 2 minutes and 53 seconds I was like:

Somebody please help me.

By the time I got to 3 minutes and 5 seconds I knew I had to stop:

It’s all over oh!

People of God that is how I fell on the treadmill oh!

See shame oh!

All of a sudden I was surrounded by a few of the gym hunks, who had rushed over to see if I was okay.

Hmm could this be my silver lining?

One of them said “you should really take it easy if you haven’t done this before”.

Uncle is that what we are talking about now?

I even heard a few laughing.

Will this shame never end?

When I finally stood up, I saw my ex staring right at me!

HAYYYYYYYY!What is this one doing here?

Before I could collapse from shame all over again I hobbled out of that place.

Na wa oh!

I have never gone back to that gym.

So that they can point and laugh at me abi?

And I blame it on that my useless ex boyfriend.

Wretched guy!

In case you didn’t know, immediately you become a Nigerian parent you get dragged to a secret training facility where you learn to stress your children.

1. Where they learnt the real use of their children:

via @PRINCE_VIII

2. Where they learnt to not trust their children:

via @ucdabeat

3. Where they learnt to send mixed signals:

via @PRINCE_VIII

4. Where they learnt how to always win arguments:

via @Monsiuer_T

5. Where they learnt to be selectively broke:

via @Hoodbilli

6. Where they learnt to be paranoid:

via @Blaq_sami

7. Where they learnt the real reason for working out:

via @leema_murphy

8. Where they learnt to tell this lie:

via @KeneAmazu

9. Where they never learnt to use any gadget:

via @Zicmilitary

10. Where they learnt how to pronounce these words:

via @KuroFuturist

11. Where they learnt to be selectively generous:

via @Fidel__aa

12. Where they learnt to plan for the future:

via @officialpedro_o

13. Where they learnt to guilt trip you:

via @Keny_Brand

14. Where they learnt about demonic possession:

via @HoopingsFuture

15. Where they learnt to hate rest:

via @OnyiOnyi_44

This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50:

The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead. Clink the link below to learn more.

1. Oritsefemi has this unfortunate tattoo at the top of his chest.

Ugly, at best.

2. Joseline Hernandez has this atrocious tattoo on her midriff.

Sigh.

3. This travesty of a back tattoo Tonto Dikeh got a few years ago.

I hope she didn’t pay the tattoo artist complete money sha!

4. This horrible neck tattoo on the side of Chris Brown’s neck.

One word. Why?

5. Please in what world was this face tattoo a good idea?

Why did no one stop him?

6. This enthusiastic Davido fan decided he would get a tattoo of his idol on his chest.

Terrible idea. Terrible!

7. Lil Wayne has this really messy chin tattoo.

Terrible idea.

8. The love of LV is the root of this bad decision.

Who thought this was something they wanted to wake up with every single day.

9. Nick Cannon got this tattoo while he was married to Mariah Carey.

He got it covered after their divorce and unfortunately the new one is also ugly!

10. Rukky Sanda has a colourful collection of nick nacks spread across her back.

Quite an unfortunate spread.

11. Face tattoos in general are a horrible idea, and Mike Tyson’s in not an exception.

I mean, just look at!

The moral of the story is think before you ink!

We are in the era where blackness is celebrated across the world. People of colour are beginning to wear their culture proudly and standing tall against all forms of racial discrimination.

Also, the 1st black president of the U.S, Barack Obama, will be stepping down later in 2016 after 8 years in office. As expected, this has to be the most talked about topic of the year.

Chimamanda Adichie, being very vocal about political issues, spoke about Barack Obama’s election and his amazing wife, Michelle.

She stated that Barack Obama would’ve lost the election if his wife, Michelle, wore her natural hair.

But Nigerians think her statement may be a little exaggerated.

But is an afro really separate from black skin?

For those that think Chimamanda was undermining President Obama’s effort…

Let’s not forget how strongly the society views the First Lady’s image.

Because a black woman’s natural hair hasn’t always been accepted in the West.

And usually, African American women hair texture are usually seen as unprofessional in the workplace.

However, this doesn’t mean women who choose to not wear their natural hair are any less. It is not a battle about what type of hair is better.

For those who were reaching, it’ll be nice to not forget that she also said an afro should only be regarded as normal hair which is only right.

If a 3-year-old child, Blue Ivy, was getting backlash especially from black people for wearing her natural hair, what do you think would’ve happened if Michelle wore her natural hair?

Share your thoughts on this in the comments section.

1. When its one week to exams and those lecturers start fixing triple-period classes.

I’m getting you people o!

2. When you’ve not printed your docket and you hear the portal is closed.

Ah! Am I not finished like this?

3. Jaja boys thinking of what to protest about so they can shift the exams.

”Shey quality of New Hall weed, abi bed bugs?”

4. You will now start seeing some new faces in classes.

When did these ones join this class abeg?

5. Some people will still come and borrow notes one day to exams.

My fren will you gerrarahia?

6. How first class students be in Main Library.

Because these guys are not your mates.

7. You, trying to make sense of all the jargon in your notes.

Did I actually write all this nonsense?

8. You, when it’s exam period and NEPA starts flashing the light.

Its like these people want to die!

9. When you apply dusting powder to night class and people are looking at you funny.

Whachu looking at? Better face your book!

10. When you hear someone has run mad in the library.

Hay God! I bind every spirit of madness!

11. When you see your friend hanging with her guy in Love Garden.

It is yourself you’re doing o!

12. Classes on a normal day VS classes during exams.

Jesoxxx! So there are plenty people in this school like this?

13. When you and your squad are reading in FSS and you hear gunshots in New Hall.

Who wants to die?

14. You, looking for the question the lecturer said is sure to come out.

It must be here somewhere.

15. Wicked lecturers looking at y’all struggling and enjoying it.

“A is for God, B, and C are for me, you people can share the rest”

16. When Sodeinde boys start their wahala rap-battles again.

They will not let someone read in peace!

17. When they’re giving someone malpractice form to fill during the paper and you have dubs on you too.

Please God, just help me out of this one.

1. When someone wets the bed and now the whole room is unbearable.

Oh no!

2. When your siblings don’t knock before entering your room then you remember it’s their room too.

So you people cannot sleep on the roof or something?

3. When their friends visit and they decide to hang out in the room.

Hello please we are already too many in this place come and be going!

4. When they enter your side of the room.

With speed and alacrity.

5. When one of your things is missing and you’re not sure you lost it or they took it.

Hmmmm.

6. When you are ready to sleep but they aren’t ready yet so the light is still on.

Please what are you doing?

7. When they scatter the room and your mother comes to shout at you.

I didn’t even do anything!

8. When your crush calls and you have to hide to talk to him/her so your siblings don’t start adding mouth.

“HAYYYY ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM. EHEN GOOD EVENING OH. HELLOOOO.”

9. How your siblings stare at you when your parents beat you and you go to cry in your room:

“Sorry. Oya what happened?”

10. What the queue for the bathroom looks like:

“I’m after you oh!”

11. When you have a few moments of peace and quiet and the room to yourself.

12. When your siblings come back to scatter your peace of mind.

Is it too much to ask for peace and quiet?

13. When you tell your parents you would like your own room and they suggest you marry:

Na wa oh!

In the football world, the name of Brazilian football legend, Edson Arantes do Nascimiento,  who was named after inventor, Thomas Edison, will never cease to be mentioned. Almost 60 years after making his first appearance in Nigeria during the famous ceasefire of the Nigerian civil war, Pele will be in Nigeria for a series of football events, happening in Lagos later in 2016. Although he was earlier scheduled to visit Nigeria on August 11, his trip was postponed due to reports of his ill health on August 5.

To celebrate the arrival of this legend, here are 13 iconic pictures of the amazing Pele:

1. When he was just a little boy.

via Complex

2. When he shed tears of joy after winning the first World Cup for Brazil in 1958.

via Pinterest

3. When he became the youngest winner of a World Cup at 17.

via Goal.com

4. During his first visit to Nigeria during the civil war.

via Globo Esporte

5. That time his team carried him up high after Brazil won the World Cup yet again in 1970.

6. Pele sharing a hug with the incredible Mohammed Ali in 1977.

via Daily Mail

7. This picture was taken at the famous football match he played during the civil war in Nigeria.

via Africas A Country

8. When he delivered the most effortless bicycle kick we’ve ever seen in 1968.

via The 18

9. This picture of two of the greatest Brazilian footballers ever.

via Bleacher Report

10. He was basically chilling with his medals like a bad guy.

via Super Sports

11. That time his team mates celebrated his 1000-goal count in 1969.

via Express.co

12. When he had to leave the pitch after getting injured during a match against Portugal in 1966.

via BBC

13. This adorable picture of him playing football with children on the beach.

via Goal.com

We wish him a speedy recovery so he can come and visit us soon!

Surviving Nigeria requires you having a guy for everything from making clothes to getting into a club. To help all the “learners” out there, we have compiled the ultimate Nigerian “connects” survival kit.

1. A tailor to keep you looking “frosh”

You need someone to sew aso ebi for the party you want to crash with little or no notice.

2. A backup tailor in case your regular tailor is having brain touch

If your tailor does not have this kind of poster he/she doesn’t know the work oh!

3. A mechanic

Lagos roads will destroy your car for you and you need a mechanic that will only cheat you small because they fear God.

4. A cab guy

For when your mechanic said “3 days” but actually mean anytime between now and the end of days.

5. An electrician

For when Nepa decides to send too much light and blows all your electric appliances.

6. A hairdresser or barber

One that can help you “plait Alicia Keys” or “barb Obama” style.

7. A mallam

Because these banks and Bureau De Change people think they can use sense but you have a guy!

8. “Customers” in the market

To give you the best deals and discounts when there is tomato scarcity.

9. A DVD/download guy

To hook you up with the latest movies and episodes from your favourite series!

10. An NYSC guy

To “help” you serve your country in the most stress free manner possible.

11. A bouncer guy

So that you don’t disgrace yourself outside the club and can stroll in with confidence.

12. A police guy

In case you enter trouble he can sort out one or two things sharply!

1. When she is waiting for you to finish telling foolish lies so she can descend on you.

God has caught you.

2. When you ask her relationship advice, she’s like:

Aunty relationship, not human ATM machine.

3. When you take her to the teacher that has been bullying you at school.

Please my champion is here! Oya talk again.

4. When your parents report you to her, she’s like:

You have entered one chance oh!

5. When she hears that you are still doing independent woman and don’t want to marry.

“You think the world will wait for you? My friend you better allow your head be correct!”

6. When you try to defend yourself against her insults.

If you know what is good for you!

7. When she hears you refuse to break up with your boyfriend that does not have sense.

You want to kill her?

8. When she sees her former friends that tried to disgrace her outside.

But if you don’t confront them ma, will the world end?

9. When she sends you on an errand and you forgot to collect her change.

Very what? Very good!

10. How she poses in all the family pictures.

Funky mama!

24-year-old Robel Kiros Habte, out of his love for swimming joined the Olympic team to represent his country, Ethiopia, at the Summer Olympics in Rio. Unfortunately for him, haters had a lot to say about his weight.

During the competition, Robel came 59th out of the 59 competitors and even got cut from the camera.

via Daily Mail

After this poor performance, he was badly body shamed for his 179 pound weight and was even given a horrible nickname, “Robel The Whale”.

People had so many horrid things to say about his weight and performance.

Although reports say he was only able to join the team with the influence of his father, who is the president of the Ethiopian Swimming Federation, Robel has decided to not give up on swimming.

He explained that he wanted to do something different for his country for the first time. In his words, “My country is famous for runners. I wanted to be famous for being a swimmer”.

via Daily Mail

Speaking to Daily Mail about his current body size, he shared how he gained a lot of weight after surviving a car accident.

via Daily Mail

While these negative comments have put him off from contesting in the next Olympics, Habte has sworn to shut all the haters down by working hard and placing his name in other international swimming competitions.

via Roland Hoskins

In spite of his poor performance, he’s proud to be an Olympian and that should be the most important thing.

via The Mirror

And although his entry into the Olympics may have been out of corruption and not merit, body shaming him will not change the fact that he was the 1st Ethiopian to swim at the Olympics.